I Shot The Sheriff by Eric Clapton

Foley: Wait so you…sorry again, I shouldn’t use “pro-nouns”…”Sheriff Harry Dickwell” and “Sir Alec Heineken are here to shoot Mike Check in some revenge plot? Yes, maybe Mike didn’t do a great job in supporting your mother but isn’t this a little extreme?

Dickwell: Do you remember the elderly Englishman that handed Mike the cigar that caused the explosion at that Fireworks Factory? Well, he’s back!

Foley: Whoa Whoa Whoa, I’ve heard rumors that you, Sir Alec, hate ole Mike here, but you were RIGHT HERE on THIS IS YOUR LIFE as a guest only a couple of weeks ago and you were, surprisingly, one of the very few guests who actually didn’t attempt to kill Mike? It doesn’t make sense?

Mike Check: Yeah why, Sir Eric Heimlich? And…(*looks more closely at “Sir Alec”*) why does your face seem a little rubbery lookin’ there?

“Sir Alec”: OOOOhhhh old chap. That’s because….(*takes off his “Mission Impossible” style prosthetic mask*)

Foley: Ringo Starr?!? But how…why?

Ringo (*to Mike Check*): Why did I do it? Well I could have put aside all of your whinging the time you were my room-mate in England, but no no no, you wouldn’t stop there. You’d go back to America and portray me as “evil” to your radio listeners and started up all those rumours that I had Paul McCartney (*does finger quotes*) “replaced” with an imposter, etc. I knew you’d be foolish enough to light that cigar in front of a Fireworks Factory that night and it would have been poetic justice since it was you that always accused me of nicking your cigars. But two years later I find out that you were alive when I was contacted to present you, of all people, with a BBC award in London. So I disguised myself as a clown and followed you around near your hotel in the hope that you’d have a heart attack before the award ceremony even started, but you didn’t. And later at that ceremony, the coppers pulled us apart before I could get my hands on you. But now thanks to Foley inviting me here, it led this Dickwell bloke in contacting me so he could find you.

Foley: If I may interject Ringo; I have one important question…why did you disguise yourself as Sir Alec?

Ringo: That’s your “important question” Mick??? There was no reason behind that particular disguise, it was just a disguise. You Yanks read too much into things. And it was a mask of renowned actor; Sir Alec Guinness that I was sporting by the way, but I guess you Yanks don’t read too much to even know who that is?

(*the room is filled with confused silence*)

Dickwell: Gawddamnit! Enough of this Sir Bud Wiser crap! All you people need to concern yourself right now is this 44 Magnum pointing at ole Mike’s head!

Ringo: I must say Harry, aren’t you taking things a tad far with that pistol of yours? That wasn’t supposed to be part of the plan?

Dickwell: What “plan” did you have in mind? More “disguises” and Coyote/Road Runner style pranks, hoping that he’d drop dead by accident?!

Foley: Guys sorry to interrupt again and I know this may be none of my business, but if you’re going to do this, why don’t you do it over in the corner. I can’t stand the sight of blood, which is I know is ironic since I wrestled in many hardcore matches.

Dickwell: Fine, I’ll give you that. Where do you want me?

Foley: Over there by that barbed-wire roped wrestling ring that’s still setup from a week ago.

Dickwell (*walks over to the ring*): You mean over here…?

Ringo: No mate! There’s C-4 under…

Dickwell: C Wha….(*Sheriff Dickwell explodes*)?

Foley: Well I guess it seems inadvertently that…I shot the Sheriff! BANG BANG!

Posted on April 24, 2016, in music and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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