Monthly Archives: July 2015
Mike Check: So did we finally prevent Judgment Day darlin’?
Mike’s Daughter: I can’t say that know anymore dad? But I think I should end to month by saying: “The unknown future rolls toward us. We face it for the first time with a sense of hope, because if a machine, a Terminator, can learn the value of human life, maybe…”
Mike Check: No, I don’t think so dear. I think playing “Blue Skies” by Willie Nelson would be a much better way to end the month here on…THE MACKER!
Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*) Whatever.
Mike Check: Weeelll fellers! Ole Mike prevented Judgement Day yesterday by playing those songs from those Harold Swatzenhimer, or whatever that feller’s name is, films every Wednesday this month. And you could say that this “DJ”…(*knock on the door*) Now what is it?
*Door opens and its the T-800 holding a gun to Mike Check’s head*
Mike Check: What the?! I thought you…how many of you robot fellers are there?
T-800: Skynet knows that you had previous interactions with this T-800 model so I was programmed to keep you occupied in order to succeed with its main goal of putting Terminator programming into WWE video games so Judgment Day can happen. (*cocks the gun ready to fire*) Hasta La Vista…
Mike Check’s Daughter (*from another part of the house*): Dad, is that who I think it is?!?
T-800: Hasta La…Hasta La…Hasta La Vista-Vista-Vista (*T-800 starts to glitch*)
Mike Check: You okay there feller?
T-800: It is against my programming but must…self…terminate. Can’t be near-near-near-near (*T-800 walks off*)
Mike Check’s Daughter (*now next to Mike Check*): Wait! Come back! We can have some more fun! WAIT?!?
Mike Check: Now darlin’ it’s best not to judge that feller there since we’ve seen so much of him. I think he’s on the way bit mental. Like that time back in the south when I was…
*They hear an explosion and Mike Check’s daughter starts to cry*
Mike Check: There-there darlin’.
Mike Check: Where was I? Oh yeah. You could say that this “DJ” saved your feller’s lives from “Indeep” trouble. Although I couldn’t save my Daughter’s broken heart because she’s sad that muscular cyber-chronic robot feller will not “be back”…(*Mike Check shakes his head while a giant mushroom cloud is seen in the distance*) Fascinating. Maybe today’s song will cheer her up?
(*knock on the door and Mike Check opens it*)
Mike’s Daughter 1: Dad! Come with me if you want to live!
(*Another version of Mike’s Daughter runs downstairs*)
Mike’s Daughter 2: No! It’s a trap!
Mike Check: I don’t remember having twins???
Mike’s Daughter 1: No it’s me, your daughter!
Mike’s Daughter 2: No, I’m your daughter!
Mike Check: Who the what now?
(*An “old” T-800 emerges holding a grenade launcher*)
T-800: Get Out!
(*T-800 shoots “Mike’s Daughter 2” who now shape-shifts into…Shane McMahon aka The “T-0’Mac” Terminator. They fight until the T-0’Mac knocks T-800 down with the “Shane O’ Shuffle” and then is about to perform the “Van-Terminator”, but the T-800 manages to grab his weapon and shoots T-0’Mac until he explodes*)
Mike Check: Whoa! Thanks there feller. But how did you know that wasn’t my daughter?
T-800: I didn’t.
Mike’s Daughter: (*gulps*) But…didn’t you explode two weeks ago?
T-800: That was a different T-800. I was sent back to 1985 to save both of you from being Terminated by the T-0’Mac, an advanced hybrid human-cyborg model. But he escaped in a time machine back to 2015 and I have been waiting 30 years to Terminate him.
Mike’s Daughter: Okay but I don’t even remember you saving us in 1985?…Oh wait, I somehow remember it now? Uh, but how did T-0’Mac get hold of a time machine in 1985 anyway? Who even built a Terminator based on Shane McMahon and why does he want to kill us after he saved me from the Megatrolla two years ago? Did Triple H’s Daughter send him like she sent the T-1000 to hunt Sting? And…what have you been doing for 30 years and why are you old?
T-800: I was not programmed to answer those questions…
(*A Delorean stops in front of Mike’s House. Doc Brown emerges*)
Doc Brown: Mike! Your life is in danger! There’s…
T-800: Too late. He’s Terminated.
Doc Brown: Yes! You know what this means?! Quick! Remove the chip from the T-0’Mac because it contains 1.21 Gigawatts of power! Enough to power my damaged Flux Capacitor back to 1985 before he kills Marty McFly, steals the Delorean and kills Mike and his daughter five minutes ago!…which didn’t happen?!
Mike’s Daughter: But Doc? How did you get here in a Delorian if the T-0’Mac stole it in 1985? And if you go back and kill the T-0’Mac does today’s events even take place? It doesn’t make sense???
Doc Brown: You think that doesn’t make sense? Why is it that in this reality of 2015 there are no Hoverboards and the Cubs aren’t wining the World series???
T-800: Doc Brown. I cannot retrieve the CPU from the T-0’Mac. It’s been burned in the 3rd degree.
Doc Brown: Great Scott! What are we going to do!?
T-800: There is one other way. (*hands Mike his weapon and points to his own head*) I will shut down and you must remove my chip.
Mike’s Daughter: (*crying*) What? No! Please don’t go!
T-800: I don’t know why you cry? But it’s something I cannot do. Hasta La Vista, baby. (*shuts downs while giving her the thumbs up*)
Doc Brown: Okay. I’ve removed the chip. I must be going…Back To The Future!
Mike’s Daughter: Don’t you mean the past?
Doc Brown: Yes, whatever. (*Doc connects the chip to the Delorian’s Flux Capacitor and leaves*)
Mike Check: Fascinating. So what are we gonna do with this dead robot?
Mike’s Daughter: I don’t know? Maybe I could…
Mike Check: (*accidentally pulls the trigger of the grenade launcher and the T-800 explodes*) Whoops.
Mike’s Daughter (*face-palms*): I hate you dad.
Mike Check: It’s not my daughter with her pranks again? (*picks up phone*) KMCR Radio, Mike Check speaking?…
Gay Popeye: Aw gyuk gyuk gyuk! Well blow me……………….
Mike Check: Oh no, I wish this was a prank call, let me tell you!
Gay Popeye: ….DOWN! Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk! It’s your ole buddy Gay Popeye herez and I was wonderinz if you would likez to join mez at The Blue Oyster Bar Mike?
Mike Check: Well feller, I was worried that you were going to suggest something else there. So what is this place some sort of seafood restaurant?
Gay Popeye: No, but wez can dance all night to “El Bimbo” and you can swallowz my “blue oyster” afterwardz if you knowz what I meanz. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk!….
Mike Check: Goodbye Feller. (*hangs up phone*). Sorry to have to do that but this feller doesn’t understand that ole Mike is not about the “oyster” but, as Brad would say, all about the “clam”, let me tell you.
(*The phone rings again later that night*)
Mike Check: Oh no, not twice in one day? (*picks up phone*) KMCR Radio, Mike Check speaking?…
Gay Popeye: Hey Mike, err, thiz “BIG AND BURLY” guy stole my “Biker from The Village People” costume that Iz were wearing at tez “Blue Oyster Bar” tonight. I askedz him forz a dance butz he tellz me to “talk to the hand” and leavez? So Iz were wonderin’ if I could borrowz some clothez Mike?
Mike Check: No feller! (*hangs up phone*)
Mike’s Daughter: What?! You know what this means?! Dad, he’s still alive? But how?
Mike Check: Who the what now?