Monthly Archives: October 2018
Mike Check: Well fellers, it’s almost Halloween so that means that it’s time to play…
Mike’s Daughter: No, not “Monster Mash”! Please, anything but that again!
Mike Check: No darlin’, don’t you worry there. I’m not gonna play that this time because The Monster Mash is old hat. No, ole Mike’s gonna got something that’s bigger and better than that song this year.
Mike’s Daughter: Well that’s a relief.
Mike Check: This year it’s time for…The “Monster Swim” by Bobby Pickett here on Halloween Hootenanny!
Mike’s Daughter: What!??! It’s basically the same damn song! Ah forget it!
Mike Check: Well there fellers…(*Mike is interrupted by a knock at the front door, he then opens the door and there’s a Hillbilly parent and child waiting*)
Hillbilly dad: Hey feller, da ya have any Hubba Bubba Bubble gum there for ma son there partner?
Mike Check: Well hello there fellers! People usually say “Trick or Treat” before asking for candy, but very well…(*looks through his bag of candy but can’t find it*) No, let me ask my daughter (*to his daughter*) Do we have any Hubba Bubba Bubble gum?
Mike’s Daughter (*comes to the door*): Hi. No sorry, I think we may have Dubble Bubble—?
Hillbilly kid: No! I want “Hubba Bubba Bubble gum”!
Mike’s Daughter: But little guy, “Dubble Bubble” is just as good?
Hillbilly kid: No! I want Hubba Bubba!
Hillbilly dad: Forget about it. My son don’t want ya’ll crappy brand of gum anyway.
Mike’s Daughter: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You do realize that we are handing out this candy for free? Why are you acting so entitled you damn hillbilly fu—
Mike Check: Calm down. It’s not worth it there darlin’?
Mike’s Daughter (*calms down*): I’m sorry…(*pauses*) But I think I have an idea of who I can ask? Just wait.
(*Mike’s Daughter goes into another room where she uses the seancetrolla to summon The ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper*)
Ghost of Roddy Piper (*goes to the front door with his shot gun*): I’ve come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass and I’m all outta bubblegum!
Hillbilly dad: All outta what?! Who d’hell are yah? And why don’t yah put that pop gun away?
The Ghost of Roddy Piper: Pop gun?! Oh, ya know, you people are lucky that I’m not holding a coconut, ask Snuka?! (*puts gun down*) So what’s this garbage I hear about you not showing some damn gratitude to Mike Check and his daughter for their generosity in offering you two snakes their candy that they’re givin’ to ya for nothing?!
Hillbilly dad: Well ma boy wants Hubba Bubba and this old cowboy wannabe ain’t got none?
The Ghost of Roddy Piper: You know sir, I know what it’s like to have kids. I have bunches of them. And what type of example are ya showing your son? You didn’t even teach him to say “Trick or Trick” and “Please and Thank Ya”?!
Hillbilly dad: Well “Please and thank ya, but fu—
The Ghost of Roddy Piper: Oh, no no no! Ya nasty piece of…(*pauses*) Sorry, look, I think I might have what you want? (*gets a packet of Hubba Bubba out of his pocket*)
Hillbilly kid: Finally! (*grabs the gum from Piper’s hand and shoves it in his mouth*)
The Ghost of Roddy Piper: Ya know kid, you should take that candy home before you eat it?
Hillbilly kid: Shut u…(*the kids appearance transforms into The Fabulous Moolah*) Aagghh! What’s happening to me?!
The Ghost of Roddy Piper: You know, as I was saying, you should take the candy home before you eat it, and kid, you just ate my gum with the poison in it that I was originally gonna give to McMahon…and now you look like Moolah!
Hillbilly dad: What have you done!? My son looks like sum ugly old hag? I’m gonna sue ya…(*interrupted as a crazy driver in a car almost runs the hillbillies over which causes them to run away*).
The Ghost of Roddy Piper: And watch out for the “Idiot in Cars”! Ha Ha ha! (*Looks over to Mike Check and his daughter who are perplexed*) What? Too much? …Well Mike, why don’t ya have a Happy Halloween and Trick or Treat (*vanishes*).
Mike Check: Fascinating.
Mike Check: Weeelll there fellers! We here at The Mike Check Show have had Undead Zombies, Voodoo Queens, Boogeymen…and whatever that Broken Matt feller is supposed to be? You could say that our ‘Halloween Hootenanny’ this year has felt like—
Mike’s Daughter: Dad? What are we going to do with these Zombie corpses?
Mike Check: Oh, I forgot about that?
Mike’s Daughter: How the hell could you forget about…?!
(*Mike’s Daughter in interrupted by a knock at the door*)
Mike Check: Oh no?! That there Su Yung isn’t back?!
Mike’s Daughter: Don’t be silly dad. Besides, Su Yung wouldn’t knock.
(*Mike opens the front door and sees, “Woken” Matt Hardy’s caretaker, Senor Benjamin*)
Senoir Benjamin: Buenos días Señor Check. I am here to clean up mess in room.
Mike Check: Thanks there feller, this place was starting to look like some kind of “Zombie Zoo”…which reminds ole Mike of this Tom Petty song, here on…THE MACKER!
Mike Check: Well there fellers! It seems that ole Mike is safe once again thanks to some unlikely friends; Broken Matt, The Boogeyman and…
Mike’s Daughter: But there was never a Boogeyman here. I told you, it’s just your imagination!
Rosemary: No! WE are certain that the Boogieman is real.
Mike’s Daughter: But he’s not…Rosemary, What are you still doing here?
Rosemary: WE must free the Voodoo Kin Mafia from the stomach of Su Yung’s Undead Maid Of Honor.
Mike’s Daughter: Uh??? I would think that they would have been well digested by now???
Rosemary: WE will see about that?! (*Rosemary looks towards the from door*) Bunny!
Allie (*bursts through Mike’s front door with an Axe*): I’M ALLIE!
*Allie cuts open the Undead Maid of honor’s corpse, freeing Road Dogg and Billy gun…who are both still alive.*
Road Dogg: What in the shizzle just happened here?!
Rosemary: WE and Bunny have freed you. NOW GO!
Billy Gunn: But could you at least explain how we are still alive and…(*looks to check if his posterior is still there*) fully intact…???
*Rosemary hisses and scares The NAO/VKM away*
Mike’s Daughter: I guess we won’t be getting an explanation for what the hell just happened here either?
Rosemary (*scary facial expression turns into a smile and taps Mike’s Daughter on her nose with her index finger*): Do not fear, WE on the Earth Relm are now safe from Su Yung.
Mike Check: Oh, Rosemary. You scare the heck out of me but your smile is making ole Mike feel a little “Lust For A Vampyr” right now. How about you and your pretty filly friend for yours join ole Mike upstairs?
Mike’s Daughter: Shut up dad! (*to Rosemary*) Don’t hurt my idiot dad, he’s old and can make some inappropriate comments sometimes.
Rosemary: Never fear. WE will not harm Mike Check (*goes to Mike and seductively slides her finger down Mike’s face*) But Bunny is a different story—
Allie: I’M ALLIE! (*Kicks Mike in the balls*)
Mike Check: Ouch!!!
*Allie and Rosemary leave while Mike’s Daughter facepalms*
*What remains of The Zombie Maid Of Honor is still upright due to the unknown attacker. The attacker gets her fist out of The Zombie Maid of Honor’s head and her fallen corpse collapses on the floor.*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: How simply quite–DELIGHTFUL! YYEESS!!!
Su Yung (slowing turning around): NO! NO! IT CAN’T BE YOU! YOU WERE DEFEATED IN HELL! I PUT YOU THERE! NO! ITS NOT POSSIBLE–!!
Mike Check: ROSEMARY!
Mike’s Daughter (in the kitchen): WHAT?!
Mike Check: I said its Rosemary!
Mike’s Daughter: Its rainy?!
*Rosemary flicks her wrist*
Su Yung: But…how?!
Rosemary: WE had to protect Bunny since she was brought into Hell. After Bunny escaped Hell, WE literally fought everyone in Hell just to escape! Now WE have some catching up to do!
Mike Check: Darlin’ who’s Bunny?
Mike’s Daughter (in the kitchen): What’s funny?
*Rosemary lands such an uppercut punch to Su Yung that she staggers out of the house and into the street. Rosemary continues the onslaught of blows land punch after punch on Su Yung. Su Yung collapses in the middle of the street but is still living*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Hurry “Mary of Roses”! Concentrate all of your energy on that vile servant of The Dark Deities so she can be–DELETED!
*”Woken” Matt Hardy and Rosemary fire all their energies at Su Yung. Su Yung is severely weakened and slowly starts to get up. Rosemary screams in disgust.*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: The vile servant of The Dark Deities is too strong! Maybe I should summon Brother Nero or Samael for their–
Mike Check: Darlin’ He’s here! The Boogeyman is here! Now you can see him!
Mike’s Daughter (in the kitchen): Can you wait for minute? I’m almost done cleaning this fishbowl!
*The Boogeyman runs from behind and gives Su Yung a Boogey Bomb. Boogeyman grabs a handful of worms from his bag and shoves them in Su Yung’s mouth.*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: GREAT SCOTT! The Man of Boogey was able to weaken the vile servant of The Dark Deities. Now everyone! Concentrate your energies on her again!
*”Woken” Matt Hardy, Rosemary, and The Boogeyman fire all their energies at Su Yung. Su Yung screams in pain until she finally explodes leaving no debris*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: That was simply–WONDERFUL! AHHAHAH YYEESSSSS! *claps* *The Boogeyman scampers off*
Mike’s Daughter: Well it took me some time but I got this fishbowl completely cleaned. “Napoleon” here is such a cutie.
Mike Check: Darlin’! You just missed the most epic battle of the century! Rosemary, that “Broken” guy, and The Boogey–
Mike’s Daughter: DAD! How many times did I tell you?! The Boogeyman is just an illusion inside your head!
Su Yung: ENOUGH GAMES! NOW I WILL KILL YOU MIKE CHECK AND–
*”Woken” Matt Hardy suddenly appears holding a goldfish bowl in his hands*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: AAAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! No so fast there vile demons, YYEEESSSS! The Ghost of Stephen Foster has told me of your vile actions and you need to be– (*To Mike’s Daughter*) Daughter of MEEK Check, would you mind holding Napoleon Bonaparte for me? I was in the middle of cleansing his fishbowl before teleporting to this location?
Mike’s Daughter: Oh yes, sure! *grabs the fishbowl containing “Napoleon Bonaparte”*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Su Yung. You need to be DELETED!!!
*”Woken” Matt Hardy fires a blast at Su Yung that sends her outside colliding on to The Zombie Bridal Party after eating their fill of The New Age Outlaws. Su Yung growls in anger and orders The Zombie Bridal Party to swarm “Woken” Matt Hardy! Su Yung and “Woken” Matt Hardy clash*
Su Yung (*struggling with “Woken” Matt Hardy): NOW SERVANT OF THE…SEVEN DEITIES! ONCE I KILL YOU AND MIKE CHECK, I WILL GO TO YOUR COMPOUND AND…OBTAIN THE SHARD OF QUI’LAVO TO MAKE MYSELF EVEN MORE POWERFUL!!!
“Woken” Matt Hardy (*struggling with Su Yung*): NEV-AH! YOU VILE SERVANT OF THE DARK DEITIES, ENEMIES OF THE SEVEN DEITIES! I WILL NOT LET YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON MEEK CHECK AND YOU WILL NEV-AH LAY FOOT ON THE HARDY COMPUND!!!
*The Zombie Bridal Party finally overwhelm “Woken” Matt Hardy then all of a sudden, much to the shock of everyone and especially Su Yung, a member of The Zombie Bridal Party explodes. Then another Zombie Bridesmaid explodes, then another one, until all of The Zombie Bridesmaids explode, leaving only Su Yung and The Zombie Maid Of Honor still standing.*
Su Yung (yelling at “Woken” Matt Hardy) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
“Woken” Matt Hardy: I have not performed a thing?
Mike’s Daughter: OOH! OOH! I know!
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Be Careful with Napoleon Bonaparte that you are in possession with, Daughter of MEEK Check with the large fake mammory glands. What exactly happened in the precise moment in space and time previous to my arrival?
Mike’s Daughter: The Zombie Brides ate The New Age Outlaws!
“Woken” Matt Hardy: AAAAHHHHAHAHAHA! It makes perfect sense to me YEEEEEESSSSS! (to Su Yung) Vile fiend, when your ghastly Maids of Matrimony ate the persons that advised people to call their behinds over the years, they had absorbed a lot of negative and dark energy for their past misdeeds! Those dark minions of hers simply couldn’t contain all that dark energy they consumed so they were self-DELETED! YEESS!
Mike’s Daughter: OK, but why didn’t she die? *pointing to the Zombie Maid of Honor*
Su Yung: MY MAID OF HONOR IS A LOT STRONGER…THAN THE REST OF THEM!
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Now please go cleanse Napoleon’s fishbowl, he gets quite irritated if it is not performed correctly.
Mike’s Daughter: Fine, fine. I’ll go into the kitchen to clean your goldfish’s bowl.
*Distracted by Mike’s Daughter, Su Yung and The Zombie Maid Of Honor attack “Woken” Matt Hardy! Then all of a sudden, an unknown attacker punches The Zombie Maid Of Honor through the back of her head*