Monthly Archives: April 2020

Halcyon + On + On by Orbital/ I’m A Fighter by Van Zant

Thunder Rosa: Mike Check and Question Mark. Stop this fight at once! Are you two stupid or something?!

Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike Check: He says that he only wanted to fight for your honor, like in that song from “Karate Kid Part 2”?

Question Mark: Kar-ar-taaaayyyy!

Mike Check: Yes of course. But I do agree with her there feller, you are stupid. You were about to attack ole Mike from behind, what’s the honor in that? It’s quite obvious that you were about to disgrace yourself and your whole family. Now, I’m sure that Thunder Rosa, my little Spanish rose, will pick ole Mike instead of you, feller.

Thunder Rosa: Are you serious?! You know I have a husband and kids at home?!

Mike Check: Well, it not like that hasn’t stopped ole Mike before?

Thunder Rosa: Why you (*screams multiple curse words in Spanish at Mike*)

Mike Check: I’m sorry. It was just a little joke?

Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Thunder Rosa: Oh, you have no moral high ground here either! You both can go…Cómo se dice?

Angry Jim: I think the words you’re lookin’ for is “Go **** yourselves”!

Thunder Rosa: Exactly. I’m going home. And don’t either of you follow me! (*Thunder Rosa storms off*)

(*Mike Check, his daughter, Matt hardy, STAN, and Question mark are all in stunned silence*)

Mike Check: So…we’re friends then?

Question Mark: (*confused and looks toward “Broken” Matt Hardy): EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Broken Matt hardy: YEEESSSS! My essence Damascus, who was previously in Question Mark’s father Vessel, forgives you Meek Check and says that you are a great Warrior after what he just witnessed. He also is proud of The Mark of Question, but says that he still has much to learn…perhaps Meek Check could teach him?

Mike Check: So? How about it, there feller?

Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!? (*shakes Mike’s hand*)

Mike’s daughter: Just you both remember to wash those hands, social distancing, remember?

(*All laugh as Happy victory music plays*)

(*But they are suddenly distracted by a large rumbling sound*)

Mike’s daughter: What is that?!

STAN Venus: Damn! One of my prisoners from the dark realm must have have escaped? It’s…The Shockmaster!

The Shockmaster: (*jumps out of his earthquake produced hole but trips over it. He then gets back up on his feet*): You puny Mortals! They call me The Shockmaster! You’ve ruled the radio markets long enough, Mike Check. Come On You wanna piece of me?! I have come for your souls!

Mike Check: I don’t think so there feller! I’m a fighter!

(*Mike Check, his daughter, Matt hardy, STAN, and Question Mark all clench their fists toward the The Shock Master. But he trips over again and falls backwards into the hole back to the dark realm*)

Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Fight To Survive by Stan Bush

Angry Jim (*on commentary*): Well, were back on Mike Check’s “9 Years of Whackin”, ladies and gentlemen, as the fight between Mike Check and The Question Mark continues! It seems that Mike is getting frustrated with Question Mark’s stalling! Wait! Now they’re, nose to nose and Mike throws another right punch to the Question Mark! But Mark ducks it and…what is he doing?!…By gawd…Question Mark just threw some kind of white powder in mike checks eyes!? By gawd! And that not cocaine, ladies and gentlemen, I can tell…not from my own experience but…By gawd! Mike Check has been blinded! That **** ***** Question Mark! I had feeling that this wouldn’t be a fair fight!

Mike’s Daughter: Dad! Are you alright?!

Mike Check: My eyes! I can’t see a darn thing!

Angry Jim (*on commentary*): Now Question Mark is taking advantage of Mike’s loss of eyesight and is kicking his *** like a wounded mule! I wish somebody could please stop this!

Mike Check (*Mike is knocked to the ground by Question Mark): I’m sorry, I have nothing left.

“Broken” Matt Hardy: No! Meek Check! Remember your lesson in fighting the invisible Abraham Lincoln! If you use your expert senses, you willindeed defeat the Mark of Question!

Mike’s daughter: Yeah, get up! Over the top Dad!…or whatever the proper movie cliche it is to say in this moment!?

Mike Check: Yes, I will “Fight To Survive” (*Mike Check gets back on his feet*)

Angry Jim (*on commentary*): By Gawd! It like a miracle!? Mike is back up! And now he’s ducking several strikes attempted by the Question Mark! Now Mike Check counters by repeatably striking the Question Mark with his rights and lefts! Good gawd almighty! How is he doing this?! I’ve never seen anything like this in my life! The Question Mark is now groggy, and Mike Check gives Question mark a huge round house kick! By gawd! Mark is down! Mark is down! Mark is down! How does a old man who can’t even walk past the door of his own house even manage to do this?! It’s super human?! And it seems that Question Mark is almost out cold! Now, Mike crouches and is about to give Question mark a one inch punch to smash in his **** skull!…but why is Mike hesitating!?

Mike Check: (*to Question mark*) Do you wanna live, or die there feller?

Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike Check: I’m assuming you said die?…but you’ve wrong. (*Mike unclenches his fist and “boops” Question Mark on the nose*)

Mike’s daughter: You did it dad! But is Question Mark still alive?

Mike Check: Yes, I cannot end another man’s life.

Aron Stevens: Uh…I’m out of here! (*Aron runs away*)

Mike Check: Well I hope when this feller gets up, I can convince him to come to his senses?

Mike’s Daughter: Dad! Behind You!

Angry Jim (*on commentary*): By gawd. This fight is not over as The Question Mark is miraculously back up and about to attack Mike Check from behind—

*Female voice in the background*: Stop this! You idiots!

Angry Jim (*on commentary*): By gawd is that…yes it is..It’s Thunder Rosa! What is she doing here on “Mike Check’s 9 Years of Whackin'”?

Techno Syndrome (Mortal Kombat) by The Immortals

Mike’s daughter: Angry Jim! What are you doing here?!

Angry Jim: Seeing that ya fellers didn’t bring that little kid, Joe Galli, with ya. You *****s need a commentator for this! I volunteer!

Aron Steven: Fine. Enough stalling. Let Mortal Kombat begin! Sensei Question…Mike Check…Ready…Fight!

Angry Jim (*on commentary*): Question Mark and Mike Check, are both tenth degree black belt in Karate—

Question Mark: Kar-ar-taaaaayyyy!

Angry Jim (*on commentary*): F*** yourself! Just let me do the commentating and fight already! ….Well, where was I, oh yes, Mike Check and Question Mark are trading blows with Question Mark giving Mike a massive Super Kick! By gawd! Mike Check is off his feet! No **** “legs slaps” when it comes to this man, Question Mark, let me tell you! Now, Mike Check is back on his feet, but counters another kick attempt and is giving The Question Mark multiple punches! By Gawd! That kick has had Mike Check all fired up and he’s whipping Question mark like a Government Mule! And look…Question Mark is running behind Aron Stevens like a scolded dog! That **** coward!

Aron Stevens: Time out. Real quick. Before this fight continues, I must consult with Sensei Question (*Aron Stevens secretly hands a small baggie to Question mark and he hides it in his wrestling tights*)

Mike Check: Come on there feller! Did you lose your damn there testicles in Albert’s pocket or somethin’?

Angry Jim (*on commentary*): Well, it seems that Question Mark is still consulting Stevens there, so we’ll take a short break and this fight will hopefully continue on “Mike Check’s 9 Year’s of Whackin’!…What a stupid **** name for an anniversary show!

Fighting The World by Manowar

Mike Check: I said, I wanna fight you Question Point! So put up your dukes.

Aron Stevens: Hold on just a moment.

Mike’s daughter: What?! You guys wanted this?!

Aron Stevens: Slight change of plans. We want to see if Mike is truly a worthy opponent in seeing what he can do against…these guys from a rival wrestling promotion.

(*Several masked members of AEW’s “The Dark Order” arrive*)

Aron Stevens: Now these men, who are obviously Question Mark ripoffs….sorry…are here to warm things up before Sensei Question finishes you off…That’s, of course, if it even gets to that stage?

Mike’s daughter: The “Dork” Order? I could even beat up these guys. They can’t even punch straight. Oh…and where’s Evil Uno and Brodie Lee?

Aron Stevens: At home self-isolating probably…but enough talk. Get him!

Mike Check: It seems that I’m gonna to be “Fighting The World” here. Bring it on fellers!

(*The Dark order gang up on Mike Check and Mike uses his Karate to fight them off*)

Mike Check: Is that all you fellers’ have got?

(*The Dark order all get up and remove their dark masks to reveal clown masks underneath*)

Mike Check: Clowns?!

Aron Stevens: What’s wrong? Afraid of clowns, Mike? Oh, that’s not all. (*to Dark Order*) Men, put on your gloves of fire.

Mike Check: Clowns with fire gloves?! I can’t fight them, I’m too scared!

(*The Dark Order start to attack order Mike*)

Mike Check: Aaaagghhhh! Any pointers there Matt?!

“Broken” Matt Hardy: Meek Check! You must remember your “Place of Happiness”!

Mike Check: Yes, my Happy Place? (*Mike Check stops and focuses on his Happy Place. All of a sudden a golf club appears in Mike’s hands and clubs each member of The Dark Order with it, until they’re all defeated*)

Broken Matt Hardy: Yeeeessss! (*punches STAN in the back of his shoulder in celebration*) …Sorry.

Mike Check: Okay fellers! I just proved that ole Mike’s no coward! So if you want some, come get some!

(*voice yelling in background*): Hold on a **** minute! Don’t start this without me, or go **** yourselves!

Mike’s daughter: JIIIIMM! What are you doing here?!

I Wanna Fight by TKO

Mike Check: Question Point. I know that you wanna fight me and your father wants you to avenge him too, but are you sure there is no other way that we can settle this?

The Question Mark: Settle. Only way. KAR-AR-TAAAAAAYYYYY!

Aron Stevens: Would you cease your cowardliness and fight Sensei Question, already?

Mike Check: That coward baiting talk won’t work on me fellers. Give me one good reason why I should even fight back?

STAN Venus: Excuse me? I know a way to solve this?

Mike’s Daughter: What the hell are you doing STAN?!

STAN Venus: Trust me. (*approaches Question Mark*) So Question Mark (*stares into *Question Mark’s eyes*) You don’t want to fight and kill Mike Check, do you? What is it that you truly desire?

The Question Mark: (*in a trance*) EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

STAN Venus: Yeess?

The Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

STAN Venus: Oh? Well that’s that then?

Mike’s Daughter: What?!

STAN Venus: I was wrong. He still desires to kill Mike in a fight. Sorry, I tried.

Mike’s Daughter: Oh for crying out loud! That’s it! Look, I might not know Karate but—

The Question Mark (*interrupts*): KAR-AR-TAAAAAAYYYYY!

Mike’s Daughter: Whatever! But I know now how to handle myself when it comes to creeps wanting to cop a feel on me at my job. I’ll fight you, Question mark!

Mike Check: Stay out of this darlin’.

Mike’s Daughter: Shut up dad! I’m doing this!

Aron Stevens: This fight is no place for a woman. Step aside and let your coward of a father fight.

Mike’s Daughter: You shut up or I’ll kick your ass next.

Aron Stevens: (*gives out a loud girlish scream and hides behind Question Mark*) Aaaggggghhhhhh! Get her!

Mike Check: No…Fellers…You win…”I Wanna Fight”!

Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J (EXPLICIT)

*The Question Mark finishes singing the Mongrovian National Anthem*

Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh of relief*) About damn time!

Aron Stevens: So Mike, are you ready to face Sensei Question Mark’s challenge?

Mike Check: No. I will not fight him fellers.

Aron Stevens: Then prepare for you last lesson in Karate.

The Question Mark: Kar-ar-taaaayyyyy!

Broken Matt Hardy: (*Gives out a large gasp*)

Mike’s daughter: Matt?! What’s wrong?

“Broken” Matt Hardy: (*starts speaking in a foreign language in a deep raspy voice*)*: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike’s daughter: What?

Mike Check: He’s speaking Mongrovian there darlin’? I’m not sure how, but I think I can translate?

“Broken” Matt Hardy EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike’s daughter: Dad? What did he say?

Mike Check: He says. “I am “Dumb-ass-kiss”…?

“Broken” Matt Hardy *angrily* EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!? EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike Check: Sorry, He says; “I, Damascus once lived in the vessel of the mortal you once called, “WHO”. Upon “WHO’s” death, I have transferred my essence into the almost obsolete mortal you call Matthew Moore Hardy. And I have picked this moment to seek my revenge for…a word I can’t say…my wife.”

STAN Venus: So is this what this fight is all about? You shagged someone’s wife? You ole dog, Mike.

Broken Matt Hardy: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike Check: Look. If that’s really you, “Who”, I’ve been meaning to tell you how sorry I am for what happened there. Ole Mike was a little drunk…

Broken Matt Hardy: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike Check: What? Really?

Mike’s daughter: Dad? What did he say?

Mike Check: He says that he has discovered the truth that “The Question Mark” is not my son. He is actually “Who’s” son after all?

Aron Stevens: Who?

Mike Check: “Who’s”

Aron Stevens: That’s exactly what I’m asking, you ignoramus?

Mike’s daughter: No. Dad means “Who” as in the name of “The Question Mark’s” dad.

The Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

“Broken” Matt Hardy: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

The Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike’s daughter: What are they saying?

Aron Stevens: Allow me to translate this. Ahem. Question Mark says that he is relieved that “Who” is is actual father and not the parasite that is Mike Check. “Who” has also told Question Mark that Mike had given his Mother herpes. So to paraphrase the words of a famous poet, LL Cool J. “Mama…and Papa…Said Knock You Out”!

Question Mark: EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Aron Stevens: Question Mark also says that he still wants revenge on Mike Check trying to hit on Thunder Rosa with his Valentine’s song dedications…Oh, and you hated my movie “Topical Pirates”, so that’s three reasons. So I declare that this fight…begin!

“Broken” Matt Hardy: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! (*gasps and returns to talking in his “Broken” voice*) I am sorry Meek Check. But the honor of Damascus’ previous vessel will not be restored unless you do battle.

Mike Check: Darn it!

The Mongrovian National Anthem by The Question Mark / We’re Gonna Fight by Pennywise

Mike Check: Well there, son..I mean Question Point, do your worst.

Aron Stevens: Silence! Hold on Mike. You do remember the custom before a Mongrovian begins kar…I mean, combat? The Mongrovian flag ceremony must be performed before we commence.

Mike’s Daughter: Flag ceremony?!

Mike Check: Uh? I’m not sure that I remember that reference their feller?

Aron Stevens: *sigh* If you you didn’t have a memory of a “Mongrovian Goldfish”, Mike, you’d remember that Mongrovian Flag Ceremony must be performed to commemorate such a special occasion. The man you know as “Queston Mark”; The Marvellous, Mysterious, Martial Artist. A man I affectionately call “Sensei Question” (*Mike’s Daughter and STAN both chuckle*) SHUT UP! …As I was saying, The Question Mark will first perform the sacred Mongrovian Flag ceremony. This man, is not only a master of Karate—

The Question Mark (*interrupts*) KAR-AR-TAAAAAYYY!

Aron Stevens: Thank you. But not only is he a Tenth degree Black Belt, he is also the 1998 Mongrovian Champion of acapella Mongrovian throat singing. I ask that you all remain silent for the unveiling of the Mongrovian flag and the singing of the Mongrovian National Anthem! (*he unveils the Mongrovan flag as Question Mark starts singing*)

Question Mark: (*singing*) EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!? EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike Check (*whispers to his daughter*): Phew. At least this will buy me some time there darlin’.

Mike’s Daughter: How so?

Mike Check: You’ll see.

Question Mark: (*six hours later*) EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike’s Daughter: (*whispers to herself*) Oh, just kill us all! This national anthem is worse than torture. (*shouts out loud*) “We’re Gonna Fight” or not?!

Aron Stevens: Shut Up! Now, for that rude interruption, The Question Mark will now have to re-commence the singing of the Mongrovian National anthem!

Question Mark: (*re-commences singing*) EYYYYEEEEEE?!?!?!?

Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*)

%d bloggers like this: