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Back Door Santa by Clarence Carter

Mike Check: Next up on “Christmas Carousal” is an ole hit by Clarence Carter, it’s called “Back Door Santa”…

(*phone rings*)

Mike Check: (*picks up phone*) Hello, KMCR? Mike Check here?

gay-popeyeGay Popeye: Aw gyuk gyuk gyuk! Well blow me……………….

Mike Check: No, not you again?!

Gay Popeye: ….DOWN! Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk! Merry Christmaz Mike. It’z Gay Popeye herez and since yer gonna playz that song today I was wondering if I could beez yer “Back Door Santa”? Becauze unlike old Saintz Nick, I bringz me “present” and I “comez” more than once a year, if ye knowz what I mean? 😉 Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk!

Mike Check: No…and I “do” understand that particular reference completely there feller. Goodbye! (*slams down the phone and calls out to his daughter*)…Darlin! Could you please lock the back door!?

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I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

Mike Check: Ole Mike is saddened by the recent passing of the feller who played TV’s Batman, and the feller who also called me his “old Chum”, Adam West. I was almost going to play his popular hit “Miranda” but since I realized that I had already played it not too long ago, we here on KMCR will continue with our cosmic song mix provided by Rick Foley. So today’s song will be “I Will Survive”. Speaking of…

(*phone rings*)

Mike Check: Excuse me fellers. (*picks up phone*) Hello, KMCR? Mike Check here?

gay-popeyeGay Popeye: Aw gyuk gyuk gyuk! Well blow me……………….

Mike Check: No, not you again, Happy Hawkeye?!

Gay Popeye: …………DOWN! Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk! It’z Gay Popeye herez and I wantz to tell yer that I’mz so happy that yer show iz stillz on the air, Mike.

Mike Check: Well, I was happy too…until you called today there feller!

Gay Popeye: Whyz yer not happy Mike? Oh yez, yer sadz about Adam West. Wellz yer knowz I used to enjoy how “gay” it lookedz whenever he and Burt Ward wouldz slide down the “Bat Pole”. Oh, they lookedz so BIG…AND BURLY!

Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand your particular reference there feller? Batman and Robin always seemed to be in a “serious” mood during the moments when they were in a hurry to fight crime?

Gay Popeye: Ah? Maybez yer misunderstoodz my meaning? Butz I do understand what willz make yer sad day “gay” again Mike: the song “I Willz Survive” by Gloria Gaynor. C’mon, singz it with me. “At Firstz I waz afraid, I waz petrified…”C’mon Mike, sing it with me…“”Keptz thinking I couldz”…

Mike Check (*reluctantly sings*): “…never live without you by my side…”

Gay Popeye: Oh yes, sing it, sing it slow. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk!

Mike Check: Get outta here Happy Hawkeye! (*hangs up phone*)

Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) by Journey

Weeell Fellers! The Mike Check Show’s “Journey” could go it’s “Separate Ways” from KMCR by the end of the month? Let’s hope that something can be worked out so ole Mike can continue to say the words: “here on…THE MACKER!”

(*phone rings*)

Mike Check (*picks up phone*): KMCR? Mike Check speaking

gay-popeyeGay Popeye: Aw gyuk gyuk gyuk! Well blow me……………….

Mike Check: Oh no! Not Happy Hawkeye now?!

Gay Popeye: ….DOWN! Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk! Yez Mike. It’z Gay Popeye herez and I just wantedz to say that I’m sadz to hear that ye might leavez The Mike Check Show. I don’tz have much money to help, but if yez lookingz for a job, I can makez ye my first mate and ye can “Journey” down in my poop deck, if ye knowz what I mean? Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk!

Mike Check: Whatever happens and wherever I go, ole Mike’s “Journey” is sure to be “worlds apart” from you feller. Goodbye. (*hang up phone*)

If You Knew Susie by Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly

Mike’s Daughter: Why are you staring at the phone dad?

Mike Check: I’ve been playing all these songs dedicated to that pretty filly Suzie Shuffle and weelll perhaps today will be the day that she will finally call the show to accept my apology.

Mike’s Daughter: Uh? So why don’t you just call her? Or, never mind just…

(*phone rings*)

Mike Check: See I told you. (*picks up phone*) KMCR? Hello there Suzie?

gay-popeyeGay Popeye: Aw gyuk gyuk gyuk! Well blow me……………….

Mike Check: No! No! No! Not you; Happy Hawkeye!

Gay Popeye: ….DOWN! Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk! Yez Mike. It’z Gay Popeye herez and I don’t know whyz yer haven’t accepted my phone callz for the last six monthz?. But never mindz that now, becauze I just wantz to tell yez to forget about that Weather Girl andz her “cold front” and beez with a man who’z temperature is hotz for yer Mike.

Mike Check: My answer is still NO and…

Gay Popeye: Waitz Mike, don’tz yer hang up! I hearz that yer gonna play a song from the film “Anchorz Aweigh”, starringz those BIG…AND BURLY Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly, where they werez dressed as sailorz….

Mike Check: What’s your point there feller?

Gay Popeye: My “point”, oh yez Mike say it slow. Uh anyway, my pointz is; would yer like to droppz yer “Anchor” in my…

Mike Check: No! Goodbye feller!

Gay Popeye: But. But. But.

(*Mike hangs up phone*)

Mike’s Daughter (*mockingly*): Awww. If things don’t work out with Suzie, it looks like there’s someone out there that does want you dad.

Mike Check: Fascinating but not fascinating enough. Ole Mike is all about the fillies, let me tell you. And “If You Knew Suzie, like I know Suzie”, she will surely call ole Mike after I play this next tune on “Love On The Ropes” Month, here on…THE MACKER!

Physical by Olivia Newton-John

Mike Check: Here’s a song by a pretty filly that ole Mike would like to be “Physical” with…

(*Phone rings*)

Mike Check: KMCR Radio, Ole Mike Check here…

gay-popeyeGay Popeye: Aw gyuk gyuk gyuk! Well blow me……………….

Mike Check: Oh no, this feller’s still calling me?

Gay Popeye: ….DOWN! Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk! It’s Gay Popeye herez and I’mz glad that ya played the song “Physical” Mike because I lovez the music video with those men inz it that are so BIG AND BURLY! And speakingz of “Physical” Mike, would ya like ta getz phys…

Mike Check: No. Goodbye Feller. (*hangs up phone*).

Sea Cruise by Frankie Ford

Mike Check: Ole Mike today is gonna play “Sea Cruise” by Frankie Ford. This song reminds me of the time…

(*Phone rings*)

Mike Check: KMCR Radio, Ole Mike Check here?

gay-popeyeGay Popeye: Aw gyuk gyuk. Well blow me……….

Mike Check: Darn it. Why must you ring me every time I’m about to tell a story there feller?

Gay Popeye: ……..down. Aw gyuk gyuk gyuk. It’s Gay Popeye herez and hey Mike; why don’t yer let me take yerz on a “sea cruise” on the “Sea Man” ship if yer knowz what I mean. Aw gyuk gyuk gyuk.

Mike Check: Get outta here feller! (*hangs up phone*)

Sailing by Rod Stewart

(*Phone rings*)

Mike Check: KMCR Radio, Ole Mike Check here…

gay-popeyeGay Popeye: Aw gyuk gyuk. Well blow me……….

Mike Check: Oh no, it seems every time that I think that I’ve heard the last of you, you then call me the very next day. And I thought that you and Ringo were…

Gay Popeye: ….down. It’s Gay Popeye herez and…(*sigh*)…I’mz sailing out at sea lonely because Ringo, my “dream boat”, swamz away back to England. Now I’m allz alone withz mez recordz player on mez boat, listening to the Rod Stewart song; “Sailing”. And nowz the water ain’tz the only thing thatz blue and I don’t feel mez “gay” self and if yez knowz what I mean?

Mike Check: Well you don’t sound “happy” like you usually do, which is what ole Mike thinks that you meant by the term “gay”, because that’s what ole Mike knows it to mean? Although the kids nowadays chuckle whenever I use that term for some reason? Like that time…did I ever tell you feller about the time I once worked the San Francisco market and…

Gay Popeye: Oh yes, make me “happy” again Mike and talk more to mez about yer marketz. Say it slow.

Mike Check: Uh, maybe not. But I’ll say this real quick: Goodbye Feller. (*hangs up phone*). Why me Lord?

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