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Sit Down by Harry Belafonte

Mike Check: It seems that RJ has a new public service announcement airing on wrestlecrapradio.com, the archive for all things WWCR related. And RJ wants you to “Sit Down For—

Mike’s Daughter: New? Dad, That video is like 8 years old?!

Mike Check: Oh? Well, it seems that ole Mike really needs to “sit down” here on…THE MACKER!

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Countdown by Rush

Mike Check: Weelll there fellers, ole Mike is still broadcasting from Mars and I’m currently tied up in a courtyard outside of some Martian prison. For those just tuning in, I’m about to be executed with a ray gun by Mars’s leader Kimar and—

Checkdar (*tied up next to Mike*): Have you forgotten that I am also here facing the same fate because of you.

Mike Check: Yes Checkdar, and you’re one heck of a guy.

Checkdar: I don’t know if I should thank you or shoot you myself? But why is it that you don’t seem worried? I’m sweating laser beams here.

Mike Check: Nope. Ole Mike has been in some bad predicaments before…which reminds me…I think I might have an idea?

Checkdar: What is it?

Mike Check: I once got out of a bad legal situation by faking my own death. That might work.

Checkdar: Are you serious?! How does that help us in our current situation?!

Mike Check: Hmmmmm? Perhaps I didn’t think this through?

Checkdar: You did not think about this at all?! Help!

Jimdar: Silence to the both of you! Your voices are irritating me! Kimar, could you initiate execution program before I do it myself!

Kimar: Negative, it is my duty as leader to perform this. (*to the prisoners*) Do any of you have any last words?

Checkdar: Yes, I—

Mike Check: Weelll I just have to say something that has been kept under wraps for the last 12 years. You know Brad Brakestown from WWCR: The WHACKER, has always talked about revealing his big announcement, but he has never had the right opportunity to do so. But did you know that the only feller that knows the details of Brad’s big announcement is yours truly? Weeelll, I think I might take this opportunity if there is anybody still listening to this broadcast on Earth to announce that…

Kimar: What is it?!

Mike Check: …I can’t remember—

Checkdar: Oh, just shoot him before I untie myself and do it myself!

Kimar: Very well, Mike Check and Checkdar, for the crimes of adultery and disrespecting the leadership of Mars, respectively, by the Laws and traditions of Mars, I sentence you to execution via ray gun. But before doing so, I am required to countdown from 100 Thousand. 100,000… 99,999…99,998…999,997…

Checkdar (*to Mike Check*): This might take a while?

Blue (Da Ba Dee) by Eiffel 65

Checkdar: What is this next song Mike Check?

Mike Check: Weelll, this is one of those new fangled Euro Techno songs, it’s called “Blue (Da Ba Dee)”

Checkdar: (*snickers*)

Mike Check: What’s so funny there feller?

Checkdar: On our planet, “Da Ba Dee” means (*snickers*)…well…as you politely say on your planet; ‘to go to the bathroom’ (*snickers*)

Mike Check: Ah, you mean like taking a poop?

Checkdar: Poop. (*snickers*) Now there another humorous Earth colorful metaphor (*snickers*)

Jimdar: Checkdar! Stop your immature laughter! And Mike Check! Cease using that type of language at once or go Kcuf Yourself!

Mike Check: Sorry.

Checkdar: It is strange that everything on that creature in this song’s planet is ‘blue’?

Mike Check: Perhaps the meaning of “blue” is a metaphor for “sadness”?

Checkdar: On Mars, the metaphor for sadness is ‘green’.

Mike Check: But aren’t you fellers already green?

Jimdar: Yes, green actually describes every emotion! Metaphors are useless on our planet, just like listening to this…this…”music”!

Mike Check: Well on Earth, the color green can mean “envy” or is can mean “inexperience”, just like the times when I call RJ and Brad “greenhorns” for having less experience in the radio game than ole Mike.

Checkdar: What does having a green horn have to do with inexperience? Is that why you wear that cowboy hat, to cover your green horn?

Jimdar: Stupid question, Checkdar!

Galidar: Well. Whatever the color of your “horn” Mike Check, I am sure that it is…”LARGE AND MUSCULAR”! And by “horn”, I was using it as a metaphor for you pen—

Mike Check (*quickly interrupts Gaiedar and changes the subject*): Uhhhhhh? You know….this music video describes pretty much my current situation. You fellers abducted me in your spaceship to bring music to your planet, and I’m also feeling blue because I miss my home and my darlin’ daughter…Hmmm perhaps, like in this video, someone from Earth will arrive in another spaceship and come save me by doing some karate chops on you fellers?

Jimdar: Do not be obtuse Mike Check! We Martains may not understand your strange culture, but we do understand that you Earthlings do not have the technology to travel to Mars in “your current time of 2018”. And by the time you do, which is doubtful, at your earth age, you will have already deceased.

Mike Check: Now I’m really feeling “blue”.

Jimdar: Agggh! Look, the blue creatures and the Earthings are all happily dancing together in the end on the video clip. That makes me feel like—

Mike Check: Blue?

Jimdar: No! To go: “Da Ba Dee”! Go Kcuf yourselves!

Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop) by Scatman John

Checkdar: What other Earth music do you have for us Mike Check?

Mike Check: Well there feller. I understand that Martian is a strange language to me, the only phrase I’m familiar with is “I love you” which is “EEP OPP ORK AHAH”?

Gaiedar: Oh Mike Check. Repeat that phrase. Repeat it Quickly.

Jimdar: Quiet, Gaiedar! (*to Mike*) What is your point Mike Check!

Mike Check: Welll, speaking of strange languages, how about I play a scat song by a feller named Scatman John here on…MMCR!

Jimdar: What is the meaning of what this vile human is saying? This does not sound like any Earth language that I have studied nor is it any dialect on Mars?!

Mike Check: Well, it called Scat singing, it’s…

Jimdar: Quiet! I must decipher what this human is saying?

Mike Check: But he’s not actually saying anything. Scat singing is just gibberish—

Jimdar: I said, quiet!

Checkdar: But we cannot be quiet since Kimar wishes to here commentary on this music?

Jimdar: Very well! At least lower the volume for your voices so I can have the ability least listen.

Gaiedar: Don’t despair Jimdar, I will stay silent as I do not care about the message anyway.

Jimdar: Well at least there is another being here that has some sense.

Gaiedar: That is because I wish to only stare at the human man in the video…the facial hair on his upper lip make him seem so…LARGE AND MUSCULAR!

Jimdar: Gaiedar! As I have facial hair as Mike Check would classify on Earth as a “Goatee”, I command that you cease your strange comments as they bring forth discomfort!

Gaiedar: And your “Goatee” also makes you appear so—

Jimdar: Quiet and go Kcuf yourself!

Gaiedar: Affirmative.

Jimdar: Good!…Wait!? What!?

Mike Check: Fellers? Shouldn’t we get back to talking about the song? And they say that ole Mike rambles on and on. Oh, that reminds me of a story, did I ever tell you fellers about the time that RJ got mad at Brad Brakestown for getting sidetracked—

Checkdar (*interrupts*): Who is this “Brakestown”?

Mike Check: Well, he—

Jimdar: Quiet! I think I have deciphered the meaning of “Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop”

Mike Check: What is it feller? Not that there is actually any meaning?

Jimdar: It means…Go Kcuf yourself!

Checkdar: Blasphemy! Mike Check? You should not have played music with such foul language?

Jimdar: No you fool! Towards Mike Check I was being, as they say on Earth, “sarcastic”! He is correct! There is no meaning to this! It’s Stupid! Just like all of human entertainment and culture!

Mike Check: Weelll, I have one word to describe the meaning of this moment right now fellers, *sigh*…Fascinating.

Enigma by Tim Souster

Kidar: Greetings again Mike Check. I have assembled my crew, Jimdar, Gaiedar and Checkdar. And we are ready for the musical commentary progrem that will commence right now.

Mike Check: Weeelll, oh I just remembered yesterday was WWWF’s Wrestlemaina and I darn missed it. Oh and speaking of “Wrestlemania”, the second annual event of that particular progream was broadcast from three different locations in the USA. Perhaps we could do that same thing where I can go back home to Earth and you Martian fellers can still do it from here–

Kidar: Negative. You will remain in this location Mike Check. Now, I will now commence broadcast so choose a musical piece immediatly in three, two, one:

Mike Check: Weelll Fellers, you’re listening to “The Mike Check Show” And My new friends…uh what are their names again???

Kidar: Jimdar, Gaiedar and Checkdar!

Mike Check: Oh yes and we will be playing “Enigma” by Tim Souster Live…on MMCR: THE MACKER!

Mike Check: Did you know that, not only was this song used as the theme the the WWWF Collesuem Home Videos, but this song was also used in the lead up to Wrestlemania 2?

Checkdar: Interesting tune but may I ask: What’s Wrestlemania?

Mike Check: Weelll Wrestlemania is a Wrestling show, the biggest show of the year in fact…oh, did I ever tell you fellers about the time when this big nasty man called King Kong Bundy wanted to beat up Hulk Hogan in a Big Blue cage?

Checkdar: So if I understand from your Earth culture, a gigantic ape creature performed a grappling contest with a muscular green mutated human? And I can see why they required a cage, that sounds dangerous?

Mike check: Not quite–

Gaiedar: Your information is miscalculated as usual Checkdar. You are referring to fictional characters from Earth literature. The Earthlings that Mike Check refers to as Bundy and Hulk were merely human males, one was a big bad brute and the other wore red and yellow tights and and appearance was…LARGE…AND MUSCULAR!

Jimdar: Who cares! That sounds like garbage! Another example of Earth’s sporting activities being pathetic compared to those of Mars!

Mike Check: So what better sports or entertainment do you have here Johndar?

Jimdar: My correct name is Jimdar! And on Mars we in engage in an activity known as Spaceball where one squadron must stop the opposing squadron from carrying an oval shaped pig-skin over a line, this is called a down-touch. Did you know that I at one time scored four down-touches in just one match?!

Mike Check: You mean as in a touch-down as in American Football? We have the same sport back on earth there feller.

Jimdar: That’s impossible! But…even if that’s so, none of your inferior squadrons could never match my squad of choice: The Mooners!

Mike Check: The Mooners? That’s a fasinating name for a team there feller (*snickers*)

Jimdar: Go Kcuf Yourself! What’s so amusing about…!?

Mike Check: (*interrupts*): Hold on a second there feller, the song is about to end and in honor of my old friends on earth RJ and Brad I must make this sound….(*makes fake orgasmic sound*) Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

Jimdar: What on Mars was that noise that you just produced! That sounded ridiculous!

Mike Check: Weeelll feller, it was a joke from a radio program known as WWCR: The Whacker. Whenever they played this song before their “Question of the Week” segment, at the end of it RJ would–

Gaiedar (*interrupts*): Whatever it was Mike Check, it sure sounded pleasurable. Please repeat that sound, repeat it quickly.

Mike Check: Uh? No.

In The Ghetto by Elvis Presley

Weeell there fellers! Another feller from wrestlecrapradio.com, “The archive for all things WWCR related”, “R.P.M Khan” has requested my services to introduce his video of Brad Brakestown’s story of his trip to the Ghetto Amusement Park…and when ole Mike Check hears the word “ghetto” it reminds me of one thing: “Elvis Presley” and his song “In The Ghetto”, right here on…THE MACKER!

Jeanie With The Light Brown Hair by Robert Wilson

Weelll hello there fellers! My daughter was playing me the latest episode of, WWCR: THE WHACKER, where RJ and Brad interviewed Trish Stratus from the WWWF. Well those greenhorns only asked her one question about her favorite breakfast cereal? Fascinating. If ole Mike had interviewed that pretty filly, I would have asked her for more than that, let me tell you…that’s right, I would have asked her about if she preferred being blonde or brunette? Well I seem to remember them debating that same question once where RJ said that he preferred her as a blonde whereas Brad preferred her with “Brown Hair”? Although I think that Brad later dedicated the wrong song to her and got the lyrics to “Brown Eyed Girl” all messed up? If ole Mike would have dedicated the song, I would have played “Jeanie With The Light Brown Hair” or should I say ‘I dream of “Patty” with the light brown hair’ here on…THE MACKER!

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