The Big It Up Yodel by Igor Dvorkin

Please Mr. Postman by The Marvelettes

*Knocking On The Door*

Mik Check: I’ll get it.

Mike Check’s Daughter: Dad. Be careful. Those Dark Order guys have been harassing us after your fight with The Question Mark

*opens the door and its The Honky Tonk Mailman*

Honky Tonk Mailman: I’m The Honly Tonk Mailman! I’m Cool, Cocky, and I’m Delivering You The Mail! In fact a whole bunch of mail!

*Honky Tonk Mailman bring in a pull truck full of mail*

Mike Check: Must be all the fan mail that I get for KMCR.

Honky Tonk Mailman: Not really. It’s a whole bunch of backed up mail. The new Postmaster is trying to be more efficient so he let go some of the bad mailmen and I ended up with more stops for my route.

Mike Check: Wow. Must be getting paid a lot.

Honky Tonk Mailman: No overtime for me, Thank You Very Much!

Mike Check: That’s a shame.

Honky Tonk Mailman: Today is my last day on the route. The new Postmaster General is promoting me to Supervisor, which means a bump in pay. Thank You Very Much!

Mike Check: Well that’s good to hear. Congratulations!

Honky Tonk Mailman: The new Postmaster liked how I did my route so I’m training all the rookies. I will miss delivering the mail during Christmas time when the litle kids say “Please Mr. Postman, deliver my letter to Santa”.

Mike Check: Aw.

Fame by Irene Cara

Mike Check’s Daughter: OK. Hearing God speak to us was weird enough for us, but…

*phone rings*

Mike Check’s Daughter: Hello?

Raging_Demons: Um…

Mike Check’s Daughter: What the hell are you calling us for?!

Raging_Demons: Strange as it may seem to call you, but…

Mike Check’s Daughter: My Dad hasn’t been on at all causing you trouble since you’ve shut us down, kinda. So what do you want?

Raging_Demons: Well that’s the funny thing. You see, God just contacted me looking for STAN. I had to tell him we no longer represent STAN after he arranged to have your Dad sent back to jail and framing you for embezzlement

Mike Check’s Daughter: And this would concern me because?

Raging_Demons: Well. I don’t know? Look, I also wanted to talk to you about your Dad. I know you want to talk about…THAT! There is a reason why you can’t talk about…THAT!

Mike Check’s Daughter: And “that” would be?

Raging_Demons: “That” maybe your dad may have have caused some of the behavior?

Mike Check’s Daughter: Oh that’s a lie! My Dad is a showman on the radio. He has to act that way for entertainment purposes.

Raging_Demons: Really? For entertainment purposes?

Mike Check’s Daughter: Yes. He told me so.

Raging_Demons: Let me open up the “Complaint File”–

Mike Check’s Daughter: Complaint File?

Raging_Demons: Yes. Its a list of complaints from all the women that Mike Check “entertained on”. Let’s see, Mike Check…encouraged that lewd and weird hug between you and Bayley.

Mike Check’s Daughter: I was. Off.

Raging_Demons: Off, eh? Then what about your Dad making those dedications to Thunder Rosa earlier this year which caused your Dad to fight The Question Mark and she had to show up to clear the nonsense up?!

Mike Check’s Daughter: Okay that was just two.

Raging_Demons: Oh I had more that two. Let me mention some more.

Raging_Demons: Pisses off Rosemary with sexually suggestive language which made her shoot mist on your Dad, calls Carmella a horse, and—

Mike Check’s Daughter: Wait. The Carmella thing was just a misunderstanding. You know how my dad uses the word “filly” as a pet name for the opposite—

Raging_Demons: It doesn’t matter. A serious complaint was still filed about it, and—.

Mike Check’s Daughter: Ok I get it! My Dad may be just like those people.

Raging_Demons: Your dad has a lot of “Fame” for this behavior. We have been covering it up the best we can but we can’t do it anymore. COVID also effected us as well. We had to let go of a lot of people. So if your dad is hit with another sexual harassment lawsuit, we’ll have to fire your Dad since we can’t afford all this, and that means he goes back–*Phone click*

Mike Check’s Daughter: Damn!

God Gave Rock And Roll To You II by Kiss

(*A beam of light, representing God, is still shinning through the window from the previous day*)

Mike Check: God…I mean…oh Lord…I mean…what do I call you there feller?

God’s voice: God will be fine. Anything but “feller” though”.

Mike Check: Sorry there feller…I mean God—

Mike Daughter: Ah, God? Why do you bless us with your presence? My dad and I are definitely not the most moral people in the world? But of course I don’t need to tell you that?

God’s voice: Yes, I don’t want to give out any spoilers, but you both would be the least likely candidates to get into to heaven, but it seems I have no choice? I have been trying to contact my son; STAN. I know he’s been vacationing on Earth but, to use a human metaphor, he tends not to pick up the phone whenever I try to contact him. We don’t really speak ever since that time I exiled him from heaven, making him the prince of “The Dark Realm”. But speaking of that, would you both try to get in touch with him because, well ever since he left “The Dark Realm”, there’s been a bit of bother going on down there and it seems to involve a very annoying former TNA Correspondent that is attempting to take over the place. If STAN does not return, not even I know what could happen? I cannot allow something like disastrous to happen like another war between the angels and demons?

Mike Daughter: Uh, ok? This is so surreal? Ah, sooooo? If we hear from him, we’ll let you know then? So how do we…?

God: When you do, I’ll know…Oh, by the way Mike, the reason I disallowed The Ratings Reaper from cancelling your show is, well, just like in the sub-title in the new “Bill and Ted” movie, you soon will have to “Face The Music”. Again, I can’t give out spoilers, but let’s just say that your past will come back to haunt very soon you during “Halloween Hootenanny” in October.

Mike Check: What do you mean, God? You’re not sending a scary clown after ole Mike are you?

Mike Daughter: Dad? I thought that you got over your fear of clowns?

Mike Check: No. If that happened dear, I would certainly remember it.

Mike Daughter: But…But…

God’s voice: Sorry, Mike Check and daughter, who’s name not even I know, but I must be leaving now. Oh, but speaking of a song made by another “TNA Correspondent”, I am not leaving before I give you both a parting gift—

Mike Check: What’s that?

God’s voice: ROCK N’ ROOOOOLLLLLL! Ha ha ha. Party on, dudes! And be excellent to each other! (*Beam of light leaves Mike Check’s room*)

Mike Check: Fascinating?

The Reaper Rap by Steve Vai

Mike Check: Weeelll there fellers! It—

(*evil laughter heard in the background*) Bwhahahahahahahaha!

Mike Check: Who in tarnation is that laughing?!

Mike’s daughter: Oh no…it’s…it’s…The Ratings Reaper!

The Ratings Reaper (*appears in front of Mike and his daughter*): Bwhahahahahahahaha! Did you ever think you’d see the last of me?! I have come to kill your show due to it’s poor ratings! Did anyone of you really actually think that playing songs from the “Bill and Ted” movies would get anyone to listen? Just plain stupid.

Mike’s daughter: Look Mr. Reaper, if I can call you that? I know this show this terrible, but it’s all we’ve got right now. I mean, with Covid out there I can’t go out and do my usual job of strip…I mean…waitressing, and risk getting my old dad sick.

The Ratings Reaper: Pathetic humans. Does it look like I care? I now declare The Mike Check Show de…

Mike’s Daughter: Wait! If the movies have taught us anything it’s that you like challenging people to games. So why don’t we challenge you for our show back with a game of “Battleship”?

The Ratings Reaper: No! No games!

Mike’s Daughter: What about…Oh, Look! your shoes are untied!

The Ratings Reaper: Nope. I’m not falling for that old trick either.

Mike’s Daughter: What if I…(*goes closer to the ratings reaper and rubs his scythe very suggestively*)

The Ratings Reaper: Aghghgh! A Definite, no!

Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand the references you both a making there, but is there anything that you want to spare you from killing off KMCR?

The Ratings Reaper: Well…there’s one thing. If you let me perform a rap on the air, I promise that I will spare your show.

Mike’s Daughter: Pfft. You can’t be serious?

The Ratings Reaper: Do you want me to kill The Mike Check Show or not?! So allow me to rap or else!

Mike Check: Ok feller. Go ahead and rap.

The Ratings Reaper: Ok, here it goes (*clears throat*) I’m The Ratings Reaper, and I’m here to say…(*a beam of light shines though the window like a thunderbolt and The Ratings Reaper vanishes into thin air*)

Mike Check: Now what in tarnation was that?!

Mike’s Daughter: I think it’s…It’s…God???

The Perfect Crime by Faith No More

Battle Stations by Winger

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