Heavy by Linkin Park ft. Kiiara

*Dixie is apparently still at Mike Check’s house, with Mike’s Daughter, and is in the background eating Ice Cream*

Dixie: *BURP* Oh my. *looks for more Ice Cream* I ran out, sugah! NO! Oh wait! *Dixie gets her 500 pound fat hands around her phone, presses an app and a Dreyer’s Ice Cream Van appears.*

Dreyer’s Ice Cream Man (knocks on the open door): Got your ice cream for you Ms. Carter *drops off some cold-boxes filled with ice cream*

Mike’s Daughter: What the hell is this?

Dixie: My ice cream! YAY! A pretty please and a thank ya there sugah.

Dreyer’s Ice Cream Man: We usually don’t provide this type of service ma’am but since Ms. Carter has been recently buying a lot of our products here at Dreyer’s, we award her with free delivery–

*Sound of thunder comes from outside as The Delorean comes out of nowhere nearly hitting the ice cream truck as Doc Brown steps out of The Delorean*

Dreyer’s Ice Cream Man: What the Hell!?!? I think he almost hit my truck!

Mike’s Daughter: Doc Brown? Didn’t I see you last helping us out defeating the T-O’Mac?

Dreyer’s Ice Cream Man: The T-O What?!?

Doc Brown: Ah yes. The girl with the artificially enhanced chest.

Mike’s Daughter: They’re Natural! I had a late growth spurt!

Doc Brown: Where’s your father? Where’s Mike Check?

Mike’s Daughter: Dad’s in jail.

Doc Brown: GREAT SCOTT!!! We must get your father out of jail and quickly! Time and space are collapsing at any moment and somehow Mike Check is the source of it all!

Mike’s Daughter: Woah Doc! That’s heavy.

Doc Brown: Why do you, Marty, and everybody whom I speak to has to say that and it doesn’t effect anything at all?!?

Mike’s Daughter: Its a figure of speech Doc, Geez! I hardly believe that my Dad causes the end of everything. He can barely remember anyone’s name. Even mine! AND its a simple name! Its–

Doc Brown: We need to get your father out of prison now! Where did they place him?

Mike’s Daughter: The cops said New Folsom Prison.

Doc Brown: GREAT SCOTT!!! You must come with me at once!

Mike’s Daughter: Can’t Doc. I got a 500 pound woman in my home eating ice cream like there’s no tomorrow wanting an answer on if she wants to buy my Dad’s so-called radio station and what’s worse is I got this Scarface wannabe coming to MY HOME who I have to marry else he’s going to kill my father!

Doc Brown: Now that is, as you say, heavy.

Dreyer’s Ice Cream Man: And you two are god damn nuts! I’m outta here!

Tony’s Theme by Giorgio Moroder / I’m Hot Tonight by Elizabeth Daily

Mike’s Daughter (to herself): Dixie wants to spend money on us? I mean with that money I can use to get Dad out of jail but then again its Dixie of all people. Hrm…

*smartphone ringing*

Mike’s Daughter: Hello?

Raging_Demons: Please hold for the men among men–

Mike’s Daughter: What the hell are you calling me for?!?

Raging_Demons: Please don’t interrupt. Please hold for the men among men, the man who is king among businessmen, the owner of “The Rose Garden” and–Do I have to say this part?!?

???: Yes Chico.

Raging_Demons (sighs): and…the man that gets all the pelicans wet. Say Hello to…The Midnight Rose!

Mike’s Daughter: OH NO!

Midnight Rose: Hah-hah! How are you doing there my pelican?

Mike’s Daughter: One of the people that I do not want to hear right now is YOU of all people!

Midnight Rose: AW! What’s da matter there chica? You have a sound in your voice like you haven’t been touched in a year? I personally don’t like to make my pelicans angry?

Mike’s Daughter: Angry? ANGRY! My Dad is currently in jail right now and who of all people call me?!? The man that spread ugly rumors about me “scarring his face” when he went down on me, the man that beat my Dad up not once but twice! Then you come to my home and THREATEN to kill my father!

Midnight Rose: I told you I was kidding there my sweet pelican…but you have my balls and my word that your “prickly pineapple” did scar my face for life mang.

Mike’s Daughter: Bullsh–

Midnight Rose: But I heard from…a friend of a friend that your papi was in jail so that’s why I called and I can get him out mang.

Mike’s Daughter: REALLY?!? What’s the catch?

Midnight Rose: You’ll be my wife!

Mike’s Daughter: HELL NO!

Midnight Rose: If you don’t be my wife then your papi might have a little accident in prison, with him dropping the soap? Let’s just say; his old culo is like a chicken waiting to be plucked!

Mike’s Daughter: All right! *sigh* I’ll…..Be your wife.

Midnight Rose: Oww!! I’m Hot Tonight! I’ll have my new lackey take me to you so we can be married.

The Man In Me By Goldy Locks

*Doorbell ringing*

Mike’s Daughter: Uuuhhh….

*doorbell ringing*

Mike’s Daughter: Can you chill with the noise?

*knocking on the door*

Mike’s Daughter Go away! I’m trying to sleep

Mike’s Daughter: OK! OK! I’m up! I’m up! You don’t have to play that god awful song! *Opens the door to reveal a 500-pound Dixie riding a Rascal scooter* Uh…Dixie. You look.

Dixie: Buff right sugah? *drinks an entire Milkshake in one shot*

Mike’s Daughter: More like. Well. I would say your more than the size of Yokozuna more than anything and he was not…well.

Dixie: Oh come on there sugah, *opens a quart of Dreyer’s Rocky Road Ice Cream* I know your jealous of lil’ ole me! *stuffs face in the quart*

Mike’s Daughter: More like sickened really. Why the hell are you even here in the first place?!?

Dixie: Like I told you when I last called sugah, I felt real bad about your money problems there so I wanna invest my money into your radio station there sugah.

Mike’s Daughter: Like I said the last time, didn’t your dad cut you off?

Dixie: *BURP* Oh my. *throws away the empty quart and opens a new quart of Dreyer’s California Caramel Almond Crunch* Mmmrfh, Mmrfh-rfh.

Mike’s Daughter: What’s that?

Dixie: After? Daddy is willing to help me out. After. After *sob*

Mike’s Daughter: After?

Dixie (cries): SERGE LEFT ME!

Mike’s Daughter: AW! I should be sad but really–

Dixie: To use a naughty word that the youngin’s say, Fk That Owl! After Anthem Sports threw me out I went into a great depression so I decided to get back by working out–

Mike’s Daughter: You mean you started to drown your sorrows in ice cream?

Dixie: Daddy was going to help me out one more time to get me back on my lil’ ole feet… *BURP* Oh my. *throws away the empty quart and opens a new quart of Dreyer’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup* So he wanted to invest into your dad’s station. I wanted to tell you this sugah but…oh my, this is awful embarrassing… I lost my phone in a quart of Rum Raisin. Oh, now I’m makin’ ME blush. So how about it sugah?

Mike’s Daughter: Ah? Can I get back to you on that?

Rolling In The Deep by Adelle

Mike’s Daughter: Oh crap! There has been no music played since Dad went to jail! Where’s my music collection? *gets out a giant CD album and opens it*. Let’s see…*turns page* Nope…*turns page* AW! This Adelle CD will “play well in this market” as Dad would say. Playing “Rolling In The Deep” would be perfect. *opens cd player, puts cd in and closes cd player*. Well…*pushes a couple of buttons* play damn you! Play! *hits fist on console*

Mike’s Daughter: Um…That’s not “Rolling In The Deep”? Come on you! *pushes some more buttons* WORK!

Mike’s Daughter: I have various Doctorates and Master’s Degrees yet I can’t make this damn thing work!!! Come you! WORK! *kicks Mike Check’s radio console*

Mike’s Daughter: Manos The Hands of Fate?!? Well this is considered–NO! WORK YOU MOTHER F***ING PIECE OF CRAP!!! WORK!!! *grabs and tries to shake console*

Mike’s Daughter: Hey! They stole my idea! Now LOOK you piece of S**T! At the beginning Dad said he had a show I thought it was cute for awhile, he then asked for various junk pieces and I said sure why not entertain him since he’s under house arrest. Now DAD IS IN JAIL and all I need to do is to run THIS ADELLE CD and your not even doing it! WORK DAMN YOU! WORK!!! *slams fist on console*

Mike’s Daughter: GOD DAMN YOU!!!

*Mike’s Daughter grabs a baseball to smash Mike Check’s radio console in anger, but trips, head plants into the radio console, and falls unconscious*

Mike’s Daughter: Youuuu*snores*

Just Don’t Care Anymore by American Fangs

*The Conversation continues…*

Raging_Demons: Woah there! I’ve never seen you this pissed! Usually you take whatever crap Angry Jim gives out.

RVM Kai: I know. And here I thought that Jim was behaving himself since “that tragedy”.

Raging_Demons: You mean since his wife…moved to The Canary Islands?

RVM Kai: Yeah. But now he’s worse than ever!? But on top of that, you caught me at a bad time because I was just on the phone before that…that…whatever the hell that was about?!

Raging_Demons: You picked up THAT Midnight Rose call?!? What did he promise this time?

RVM Kai: No, it wasn’t one of Midnight Rose’s girlfriends, in fact it was Mike Check’s Daughter.

Raging_Demons: No wonder you’re pissed? What the hell did that skanky ass whore want this time?

RVM Kai: Well Mike Check has been sent back to Prison because there was apparently some deal with Premier Blah that he could only stay out as long as Mike worked for us.

Raging_Demons: Yup, your right.

RVM Kai: WHAT?!? You knew?! Why am I only just finding out about this now?

Raging_Demons: Premier Blah explained it to me. After PB, the police, and basically what felt like forever after they found me in Mike Check’s old house thanks to what her daughter did to me. I was in the hospital healing up, and I guess PB felt sorry for what he put me through, so he explained the secret to me. And that was that Folsom Prison and the police weren’t going to let Mike Check out after the stunt that his daughter caused so he worked out basically one hell of a parole deal. I mean I would want this deal if I got sent to jail!

RVM Kai: What’s in the deal?

Raging_Demons: Well…Basically it went like this: Mike Check had to follow the rules of probation meaning if he broke just one little law, he goes back in jail. If he associated with any known gang members or criminals, he goes back in jail. If he escape house arrest, he goes back in jail. PB asked for a few more conditions to be added.

RVM Kai: Like…?

Raging_Demons: In return for working with us Mike’s prison sentence gets reduced by the time he was working for the company. If Mike Check screwed us over he goes back in jail.

RVM Kai: He did!

Raging_Demons: No that was his daughter. So Mike escaped that one. If Mike Check injured or hurt anybody on Wrestlecrapradio.com he goes back in jail. And the big one, if Mike Check was fired or he quit Wrestlecrapradio.com then he goes back in jail.

RVM Kai: And he did when he accepted STAN’s offer to save his arse from us thus quitting wrestlecrapradio.com?

Raging_Demons: Exactly. Also a good thing too since PB had to pay a LOT of money for Mike Check to get under house arrest. The money we had to pay for that ankle bracelet alone to maintain was insane!

RVM Kai: STAN pulled off a real dick move on Mike Check. I feel sorry for the guy.

Raging_Demons: Not me. I just don’t care anymore. Really. After what those two put me through for 6+ years I would not wish that on anyone. I–*checks smartphone* What the?

RVM Kai: What?

Raging_Demons: The Accounting Department was helping me out with closing Mike Check’s expense account since I was helping you out and with my new assignment, they saw something weird?

RVM Kai: You got a new assignment? Who is it? And how weird?

Raging_Demons: Well all I can say is that he was looking for a Shake Weight since the old one got broken.

RVM Kai: HIM?!? The last time he wanted a rep Iggy was doing a favor for him, and Iggy hasn’t been seen since!

Raging_Demons: I’ll be fine. Kai are you still on a call with her?

RVM Kai: No why?

Raging_Demons: Looks like your phone is off the hook there.

RVM Kai: Oh?! Son Of A–

– – – – –

Mike’s Daughter: STAN’s behind this?!? Now I really got to get Dad out of jail!

Airplanes by B.o.B ft Hayley Williams

*Mike Check’s Daughter was right. In a fit of rage dealing with her, RVM Kai forgot to hang up on her. The following is a conversation that takes place with her still connected on the phone*

RVM Kai (breathes a sigh of relief): We definitely need to get a better front desk person. We did all that for Mike Check’s herpe-ridden daughter?!?

Raging_Demons (yelling from the background): NO JIM!

Angry Jim Ross (yelling from the background): AND WHY THE HELL NOT FAKE DEAL!

RVM Kai: Guys! Can you come in here please you’re making a lot of noise! *Brings Raging_Demons and Angry Jim Ross in and closes the door* Okay. Now what’s going on here?

Raging_Demons: Jim wants to sleep with Dark Journey! AGAIN!

RVM Kai: JIM! We already talked about this!

Raging_Demons: Oh it gets much complicated than that!

RVM Kai: How complicated?

Angry Jim: Well Kai, I wanna open my own airline franchise, with a lot of airplanes sellin’ my barbecue, and I want Dark Journey to be my head stewardess!

RVM Kai: Wait! WHAT?!?! I only had you at United to sell your damn barbecue?! What the hell happened with that?!

Angry Jim: Some damn son of a b***h complained about having a barbecue meal so I had him thrown out of a plane!


Raging_Demons: Oh it gets better! To correct the damage that Jim caused I had him at a local airport managing the airport meals there but it got interesting.

RVM Kai: Interesting as in…?

Angry Jim: Those, probably vegan, a**h***s refused to eat my meat after I gave them free samples so I shut down the airline, had their flights rescheduled, and I told them to go–

RVM Kai: JIM!!!

Angry Jim: So I figured I’d get some big airplanes to sell barbecue and then have some small planes to drop family meals of 4 on people’s heads. Then I get Dark Journey as the head stewardess because stewardess’ love to–


Angry Jim: But–!

Raging_Demons: Told you it was a bad idea Jim.

Angry Jim: Go Fu–

RVM Kai: JIM!!

Angry Jim: Fine. By the way you’re still gettin’ me to call Brock Lesnar vs Samoa Joe right?!

RVM Kai: Leave before I get you to call King Maxel vs Wolfgang Hardy!

Angry Jim: Oh and Fake Deal! You can go FLOP Yourself! *opens and slams door*

Please be Patient by Feist/99 Problems by Jay Z (EXPLICIT)

Mike’s Daughter: I don’t know why I should but…what the hell! *checks smartphone*

Mike’s Daughter: This has to be the worst call in the history of Mankind!

*call connecting*

Mike’s Daughter: Oh THANK GOD! I’m finally going to get someone to speak about this!

*call connecting*

RVM Kai: Wrestlecrapradio.com. This is RVM Kai Speaking…Excuse me, I have to read the following disclosure: (*clears throat*) “If you have been on this call for a long time then The Midnight Rose must have promised you something really big. The Midnight Rose always promises anything to a particular “pelican” like your


RVM Kai: Uh? But that’s what I have here on my screen here saying that one of The Midnight Rose’s girlfriends are on the phone?

Mike’s Daughter: SCREW THE MIDNIGHT ROSE! This is Mike Check’s Daughter here. My dad’s just been arrested and is heading back to jail! I want to know what the hell did you guys do to send him back to jail!

RVM Kai: Oh?! It’s you! Look, I don’t know and I don’t care! Things have been a lot happier around here since you two left the company! Now if you’ll excuse me–

Mike’s Daughter: Don’t you hang up the god damn phone! I want to know what you guys did to my dad?!

RVM Kai: Don’t look at me?! I never handled your dad, it was Raging_Demons that handled your dad! I was there to help run his show, more recently a lot too since Raging_Demons has been flaking out on his job as of late!! But there are only two people that probably know what’s going on with your problem, and that’s Premier Blah, who’s out of the country right now, and Raging_Demons–


RVM Kai: I can’t! Now that you two are gone, Raging_Demons is currently awaiting his next assignment on which Wrestlecrap Radio star he will be assigned to next. Right now he’s doing a few favors for me at the moment.

Mike’s Daughter: Then I’m not getting off the phone until he gets back.

RVM Kai (sighs): Look! I’ve usually been the one that gave you the benefit of the doubt when it came to the crap that Raging_Demons always said about you. I thought it was all “rumor and innuendo” until two months ago when I saved both of your ungrateful arses when STAN came “THIS CLOSE” to taking your souls! Oh, and I still never got much of a thank you for that by the way?! And you know, I don’t usually swear that often, but now that I see you for what you really are, as far as I’m concerned, it’s like Angry Jim Ross always says; you can go–

*Mike’s Daughter gasps*

RVM Kai: Yourself!! Right now, like Jay Z; “I have 99 Problems” to deal with and a “bitch like you ain’t none”! There, I said it!

Mike’s Daughter: Well of all the god damn nerve that little nerd has! Wait! Why didn’t he hang up? Hm…

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