STAN: This song contest is too easy! It seems that you have reached the bottom of the barrel with your song choices Mike? I don’t even have think I even need to try anymore?
Mike’s Daughter: Of course it’s easy for you, because you’re a damn cheater!
STAN: Touche. So how about today I pick any random crap from the bottom of my barrel with this cheesy song from the show “Futurama? And like Bender in the song “Robot hell”, after I defeat you in this song battle, you will soon go through agonizing, and ironic, punishments for your mortal sins.
Mike Check: Like what? Me and my daughter are good people?
STAN: Really? Okay, for starters: For all those women that you have slept with, in the many markets that you have worked in, that you have also skipped paying child support to. You will spend the rest of eternity with just one of my concubines.
Mike Check: Well that’s not so bad, I guess?
STAN: Yes, but she will have the nose the size of Ringo Starr’s and you will be spend all eternity babysitting 1000 of her demon spawn…and oh, here’s the clincher, you will also be forced to also wear a chastity belt made of burning hot coal.
Mike Check: No, anything but that there feller!
STAN: And for your daughter, well she won’t be required to wear such a belt because she will become and forever be my one of my many BDSM slaves.
Mike Daughter (*looks at STAN making a whip cracking gesture*): Are you sure that’s a punishment?
STAN: (*looks at her again and thinks about it*) Huh? Wait? Now why do I feel a little scared all of a sudden? Ahh! The Irony?!
Mike’s Daughter: Dad. This whole song contest against “STAN: The Evil Troll Lord” idea is really getting on my nerves right now. let’s face it Dad. I don’t think that your songs have been impressing Stan all that much?
Mike Check: Sure they are. Didn’t anything ole Mike has played work in you market there Sam?
Mike’s Daughter: See. Now would you please let me play something this time?
Mike Check: Oh…okay there darlin’. So Sam there feller, I’m gonna let my daughter choose the song today because you know why?
STAN: No. Why?
Mike Check: Because although the fillies don’t make good radio DJ’s because they don’t have the mental smarts like men do. But you should be well aware that “Hell Hath No Fury” like a woman scorned…here on THE MACKER!
Mike’s Daughter: Dad! Not only was what you said so sexist but that was supposed your cue to let me play something, not for you to play a Frankie Laine song?! (*sigh*) This whole thing is ridiculous!
Mike Check: Sorry there darlin’, but that wasn’t what I meant to do and then let you play something next time?
Mike’s Daughter: No! I said…(*groans*)
STAN (in a mocking Southern accent*): Yeah there sorry…”darlin'”. (*laughs hysterically*)
STAN: Oh no, your Muppet song was too good! Please have “sympathy for me” Mike, I don’t think that I can beat you in this song contest anymore?
Mike Check (*shocked*): Ah? Really there feller? So then why don’t you give us back the Mike Check Show and make like a tree and get the heck out of here!
Mike’s Daughter: That’s ‘Make like a tree and leave’, you…! Can’t you get anything right?!
STAN: (*laughs*) Nah Mike, I lied again. And it’s too bad that I don’t feel any sympathy for you because that was just my cue to play the song that I possessed your “mate” Mick Jagger from The Rolling Stones to write called “Sympathy For The Devil”.
Mike Check: Darn it feller, you got to him too?
Mike’s Daughter: I guess that explains the impossibility of how he and Keith Richards are still living? Although I don’t know what explains you, dad?
Mike Check: Well my secret to a long life is…well they talk about the ‘Sex, Drugs and Rock n’ Roll’. Well, unlike Mick and Keith, ole Mike was not about the drugs, let me tell you. But just like them, I was definitely all about the Rock n’ Roll and the…
Mike’s Daughter (*interrupting*): Okay, I don’t want to hear anymore.
STAN: Yeah Mike, have some “sympathy” for our ears! What you were about to say would’ve been too disgusting for me to want to hear!
Mike’s Daughter: STAN is really kicking our butts in this song contest, Dad. Will you finally allow me to choose something to play?
Mike Check: There’s no need for that darlin’ because ole Mike has a message from Linda Ronstadt to this Sam feller that says…”You’re No Good”…here on THE MACKER!
Mike’s Daughter: Dad, that wasn’t Linda Ronstadt? It looks like a version of the song by The Muppets or something?
Mike Check: Oh, darn it!
STAN: (*sarcastically*) Oh no, how did that happen? Seems that you really are “No Good” at this Mike?
Mike’s Daughter: I bet you had something to do with switching the songs, didn’t you Stan?…And what’s that record that you’re holding behind your back?
STAN: (STAN sets the record that he’s hiding behind his back in flames) You can’t prove anything. Bwhahahaha!
STAN: How’s your groin Mike? Oh, I’m still laughing at the fact that you hurt yourself trying to attempt Michael Jackson’s crotch grab yesterday. Just like MJ and his gang of ballet dancers in that music video, your display of toughness was so “Bad” that it was good.
Mike Check: My groin is just fine there feller! You can just ask many of the pretty fillies out there over the years.
STAN: I have. Some of them are now my concubines in Hell and they’ve all told me how “bad” you perform in bed. Just like how “bad” you’re performing right now in this song contest.
Mike Check: Hey, there’s nothing “bad” about Ole Mike and my groin in the sack, let me tell you!
Mike’s Daughter: Okay shut up about Dad’s groin you two! Dammit, this is hopeless! I’m starting to think that I should be choosing the songs for now on?!
Mike Check: Hush Darlin’. I admit that “Bad” wasn’t the best song for this particular occasion, but I think that this Sam feller’s evil powers have taken my song picking abilities away.
STAN: No Mike, it’s just you that’s “Bad”…anyway, speaking of “bad”…oh what the hell. Here’s a song called “See You In Hell”, which is exactly where you both will be very soon, by 70’s British Heavy Metal band “Grim Reaper”…
(*lighting strikes and evil laughter is heard*)
STAN: What was that?
Mike’s Daughter: Wasn’t that you?
STAN: No. I think that was also a sign of your “ratings being reaped“. Bwhahahha!
STAN: Mike just give it up, admit it, you just aren’t bad enough to beat me in this song contest.
Mike Check: Well there feller, to quote Michael Jackson: “You ain’t Bad, you’re nothin'” And I’ll tell you once again who’s bad, that’s ole Mike here on…THE MACKER!
Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*) Real tough dad!…..and stop grabbing your crotch!
Mike Check: OOOH! If think I sprained my groin!
STAN: (*snickers*) You know it!
STAN: Speaking of “disguises” from a couple of days ago; here’s another song that I wrote about the time I possessed a woman and became a groupie. It called; “Devil With A Blue Dress”.
Mike Check: That song reminds me of the time I spent with some pretty filly after I was doing some promotion for a Detroit Wheels concert. She was wearing this blue dress…
STAN: THAT was you?! I thought it was Mitch Ryder?!
Mike’s Daughter: I think I just threw up a little? You two didn’t…?
STAN and Mike: No!
Mike Check: Ah, come to think of it. It wasn’t at The Detroit Wheels concert and that filly was wearing red. Sorry, I was thinking of the song “Lady In Red”.
STAN: Thank God for that!
Mike’s Daughter: What?
STAN: I meant…thank “me”.