As I was saying before fellers, ole Mike and my daughter beat Sam in his song battle during “6 Years Of Whackin'”, but during Halloween Hootenanny later that year, he and his son Damien attempted to come after us again. But fortunate for us, we had some unexpected help from some Martians, who would later become ole Mike’s friends.
STAN (*still possessing Triple H’s body*): There’s nothing on the whole planet earth-ah that can defeat me and my son Damien-ah! Now, stop delaying the inevitable and hand over your souls like you should have done seven months ago-ah!
Mike Check: Okay fellers, you win.
Mike’s Daughter: No! D–(*interrupted as she sees a huge beam of light outside the window*): Dad! There’s a huge object hovering above out house! Is it a UFO?
(*A Martian transports, Star Trek style, into Mike’s House*):
Kimar: Greetings Earthlings. I am Kimar, leader of the planet Mars.
Mike’s Daughter: Oh no! Martians?! Look we’re sorry that we accidentally killed your people with that Slim Whitman song during Halloween Hootenanny last year, but we had an annoying Zombie problem and now we have a bit of a–
Kimar: Do not fear earth woman. The “so called” Martians that you had massacred, one of your earth years ago, were members of the Mazi rebel forces that we were fighting in the Great Martian War. Actually, we have come in gratitude for you helping us finding the method in defeating them with the unusual sound that you call “music”. You see, the rebels are a race that are hypersensitive to such sounds. Sounds in which have never been heard on my planet until our radio waves picked up an earth signal of something you call “The Mike Check Show”. Since the war ended, listening to “The Mike Check Show” has become the most popular pastime on Mars–
STAN: What has this story got to do with anything-ah? Now will you go away-ah! My son Damien and I-ah are trying to take over the Earth-ah!
Kimar: Ha Ha Ha. The Demon they call “STAN”; your evil powers are no match for my Martian Ray Gun. And that’s why we have come, we wish to display our Martian gratitude to the earthling they call “Mike Check” by assisting him in defeating his worst enemy.
Mike Check: So you fellers have killed Ringo Starr? It’s about time, let me tell you.
Kimar: Your Earthling sense of humor confuses me? No, we are here to take the Demon, you call STAN, prisoner!
Damien: You think my Dad is scared of your little pop gun? Why…(*Kimar shoots STAN*)…What the F–
(*STAN’s essence leaves Triple H’s Body*)
Triple H (*un-possessed*): What happened-ah? (*looks around*) Where the hell am I? This is not Stamford, Connecticut?!
(*Damien sets the top of Triple H’s head on fire and he runs out of Mike’s House screaming*)
STAN: If you think what my son just did to Triple H was “Hot”, now that you have just released me into my true form, not only can I now finally stop annoyingly saying “ah” after ever fricken sentence, I also now possess the full evil power to…(*STAN and Damien are enclosed in a glass prison like structure that rapidly shrinks*)…Wait?! What’s happening to me?! what are you doing to us?! Let us out!
Kimar: You have both just been imprisoned in a structure, we call “The Phantom Zone”, in which no force in the Galaxy can escape from. And to make sure that you can do no harm to these earthlings, we will transport you into deep space and leave you floating there for 1000 years.
Mike’s Daughter: Like something like General Zod in Superman II?
Kimar: I’m not sure who this Super General who you refer to?…But Farewell Mike Check and daughter. In five months we shall return for you (*points at Mike*).
Mike Check: Me?
Mike’s Daughter: But! Why?!
(*Kimar beams out, with STAN and Damien immediately, giving no reply*)
Mike’s Daughter: But!? But!? Ah, whatever? Just play a song.
Mike Check: Weeelll. Yes. And let’s end today with the appropriately titled song; “Chase The Devil” by Max Romeo, here on…THE MACKER!
Well fellers! Did I ever tell you about the time when our 6th Anniversary was hijacked after Sam, who was a very evil demon at the time before his recent change in attitude, bought The Mike Check Show from right under our nose and then decided to let us have it back in a song battle? Well this was the winning song that my daughter, who I’m sure I’ve told you was one hell (no pun intended) of a whiz-kid, picked for us to beat Sam. Unfortunately, although we won the battle, this wouldn’t be the last time that we would feel his wrath:
STAN: So not even me or God knows what your name is, Mike’s Daughter, but what I do know is that this wildcard song of yours will fail just like the other 13 you and your dear ole dad have picked. Yes, some were good, others were weak, but it’s inevitable that you are going to be “looooosers”. So stop stalling and just give me your souls now already. There’s no song known to man that can troll me!
Mike’s Daughter: You’re gonna love…or should I say hate this one STAN. Each year in May one of the guys from…yes, I have to even give him credit…wrestlecrapradio.com’s R.V.M Kai, sends us some songs from the Eurovision Song Contest. Not that I want to give out spoilers of what we are going to play or anything but there was a Heavy Metal band, of all things, from Finland that entered in 2006 and shocked everyone by winning with a song called “Hard Rock Hallelujah”…which we will hopefully play next month after we WIN this son…
STAN: Just get to the point! Now you’re rambling like your dad.
Mike’s Daughter: Sorry. My point is ‘Lordi’…
STAN: Stop! Lordi? Are you kidding me? But Scandinavian Heavy Metal bands all worship me! Haven’t you heard the pure evilness of the likes of “Mayhem”, a Black Metal band who like to burn down churches in their spare time? Oh Dammit, that’s who I could have played yesterday?!
Mike’s Daughter: Well it’s too late for that because today’s pick is appropriately titled; “Devil Is A Loser”.
Mike Check: Now that’s sounds like a winner right there here on…”6 Years Of Whackin’!”
STAN: Aggghhhh! They’re right! I am a loser, boo hoo hoo! Okay, you win! That song was no “Highway to Hell” but it did “troll” me good! Who would of thought that a Scandinavian Heavy Metal band who wear demonic costumes could troll me with a song like that?! Okay so your souls, along with “The Mike Check Show”, is yours…but not before I burn down your house!
Mike Check: NOOOOOOOOO!
STAN: Just kidding. Ha Ha, you should have seen your face. But in the words of Stewart Patrick: “I’m leaving now”…
Mike’s Daughter: Hey! Not so fast. You almost forgot about your promise to grant us one wish, remember?
STAN: Oh, very well. What is it?
Mike Daughter: Well hmmm, I don’t know? We still have some financial problems and then there’s the matter of my dad still being under house arrest, so…
Mike Check: Could you get us a copy of that Turtle Ninja Christmas CD that my daughter smashed with a hammer back in December? I think that was the only CD of it’s kind in existence and some feller call Premier Blake needs another copy.
Mike’s Daughter: No! Actually, we don’t need to worry about that anym…
STAN (*quickly interrupts*): Too Late. (*magically makes CD appear in Mike’s hands*) See ya later…oh and worship the devil. Bwhahahaha! (*disappears in a ball of flames*)
Mike’s Daughter: DAD!!! We could have been rich if you just shut…
(*Mike’s Daughter is distracted as their front door is kicked open by current TNA wrestler; Alberto El Patron.*)
Alberto El Patron (*grabs the CD from Mike’s hands*): I kill you Ninja Turtle for touching my wife, perro! (*throws the CD on the ground and shouts “Sí” each time he crushes it with his foot.)
Paige (*enters the house and nervously tries to pull Alberto away*) Alberto, stop it. It’s just a CD. You’re drunk again.
Alberto El Patron (*calms down*): Sí honey, I must have been possess by el Diabolo or sometheeng? Eh…sorry about that amigos. (*he and Paige walk out*)
Mike Check (*dumbfounded*): Fascinating?
Mike’s Daughter: But what the f…?! (*shouts at the ground and shakes her fist*) Stan! You just couldn’t resist one last prank could you! (*sigh*)…Well whatever. At least everything’s finally back to normal.
Well fellers! During one of our “Halloween Hootenanny’s”, we here at The Mike Check Show has a mystery package delivered which turn out to be a pet Zombie. He was cute at first but really started to get on me and my daughter’s nerves when he wouldn’t stop talking about TNA, who did you fellers also know that ole Mike was a former WWCR Correspondent for? Well here’s also the time when Bookie Matt tried to help us get rid of him:
Zombie Nathaniel: Did you fix your computer problem yet because I want to hear a proper Jeff Hardy TNA theme NOW!–BRAINS!
Mike’s Daughter: Why don’t you just sh…(*stops as she sees a flying drone hovering outside the window*)…What’s that?!
Mike Check: Some kind of flying robot? Oh no!? The Martians are back?!
Mike’s Daughter: (*while walking over to window*) I don’t think so dad…(*opens window and the drone flies inside*)
Zombie Nathaniel: NO NO NO—BRAINS! Kill it–BRAINS! (*tries to swing at the drone with his Zombie claws*)
*A hologram of “Broken” Matt Hardy appears above the drone*
“Broken” Matt Hardy (*speaking via Vanguard One’s Hologram*): Brother Edward Rodham, I knew you’d come….to Meek Check’s humble abode. I am “Broken” Matt Hardy and I just had a premin-ee-tion that you were being a traitorous mule by attempting to terrorize Meek Check into exhibiting one of Brother Nero’s OBSOLETE songs of theme just like you did last week with the playing of tunes of the OBSOLETE Abyss of the Demonic Decay. So I have sent my loyal servant Vanguard One all the way from my compound in Cameron, North Carolina to scramble the signal and render you DEL-EE-TED!
Zombie Nathaniel: Boy Oh boy, Matt Hardy–BRAINS?! I’m a big fan…but I like your brother Jeff Hardy better because he’s The Charismatic Enigma, not “Brother Nero”–BRAINS. And I bet you can’t perform the Swanton like him, can ya, huh, huh–BRAINS?!
“Broken” Matt Hardy: You insult me with your blasphemous ignorance, Brother Edward Rodham! The name that you refer to as ‘Jeff Hardy’ is OBSOLETE and ‘Brother Nero’ is merely an empty vessel when compared to my broken brilliance. I have been blessed, by the seven deities, with magical abilities so powerful that I could not safely perform such a spot monkey maneuver without shattering all of space and time. But one ability that I WILL indulge in is to perform a classical piece on my Stradivarius, that was gifted to me by Antonio Stradivari himself in the 1700’s, and I have procured one such tune that will DEL-EE-TE your dilapidated ass!
Mike Check: Well which one might that be there feller?
“Broken” Matt Hardy: Ahhhhhh Yeeesss, Meek Check. The score that will render this decrepit erection OBSOLETE; is…Michael Daugherty’s “Viola Zombie”.
Mike’s Daughter: Okay, but this better work!
Zombie Nathaniel: Oh boy! My zombie stomach is aching–BRAINS!…But that’s due to 7 minutes of boredom–BRAINS! And…(*Nathaniel vomits a mustard like substance at Vanguard One*)
“Broken” Matt Hardy: Agggghhhhh!? Look what you did to my beloved Vanguard One! Is this vile substance Mustard?! I strongly dislike Mustard! Come, Vanguard One, fly back for cleaning post haste! And you Brother Edward Rodham, you are fortunate that my physical presence is absent inside Meek Check’s abode because I would eat your brains agaeein and agaeein and agaeein and agaeein! But mark my words, I soon will send my caretaker and General in the great war, Senor Benjamin, to prepare the battlefield for burial and then you will be OVAH! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! (*Vanguard One drone flies away*)
Mike Check: Fascinating.
Zombie Nathaniel: So can we play a Jeff hardy theme now–BRAINS?
Mike’s Daughter: Well, (*checks her computer*) I can’t even if I could because the files somehow have been…deleted?!
Zombie Nathaniel: Aaagghhh!! Now I’m getting mad–BRAINS!
Still speaking of my “This Is your Life” special. That hack drummer Ringo Starr was still in attendance to bother ole Mike. Fortunately for yours truly, The Boogeyman made a return. And this time, it’s wasn’t to “come and get me”:
Foley: Thanks for joining us again for “Mike Check’s This Is Your Life” and I have some good news; ole Mike Check is back with his daughter for our big finale! Thankfully, his heart attack was only mild.
Mike Check: Eh. It’s nothing that ole Mike’s hasn’t been through before Rick.
Mike’s Daughter: Yeah dad’s probably had 50 heart attacks by now, 35 of which involved hookers, and…(*feels sick*) ewwww, I don’t want to talk about the awkward moments of getting him to the hospital…now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in the bathroom hurling.
Foley: Ah? Well? While Mike’s daughter is off to possibly take a “Ringo” and wipe her “Starr”, speaking of that, also re-joining us is…
Ringo (*offended*): Very Funny Mick! Do you know who I am? I’m Ringo bloddy Starr! The biggest Rock n’ Roll legend to ever come from The Beatles! Not John! Not Paul! And forget George! I have not one but TWO plaques in the Hall Of Fame! And Mick, you dog’s bollocks, I should receive the honor of the tribute today or I’ll sue you!
Foley: I’m really starting to see why you hate this guy Mike.
Mike Check: I told you that it was a bad idea to bring this feller on.
Ringo: Silence! Why couldn’t you have just dropped dead Mike?! And (*distracted*)…what’s this John Wayne impersonator doing here?
Angry Jim: F*** YOURSELF! I DON’T KNOW EITHER?!
Foley: Oh sorry, I forgot to mention that good ol’ J.R. has also joined us for the finale and to also morn the loss of his Japanese cousin, Jimichiro Rosshu, who died in a tragic explosion two weeks ago. Oh, and I’m also sorry Jim that I didn’t tell you about that until now.
Angry Jim: F***!? JIMICHIRO WAS HERE AND DIED?! WELL I’M SORRY TOO MICK. SORRY I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO…STOMP A MUD-HOLE IN HIS ***! WHICH IS WHAT I MIGHT DO TO THIS BRITISH ****HEAD RINGO INSTEAD!
Ringo: Do that and I’ll sue you, but I’m told that you’re flat broke, so bugger off!….(*distracted again*) Wait! What’s that?!?!
Angry Jim: BY GAWD! IT’S THE BOOGEYMAN! WHAT’S THE BOOGEYMAN DOIN’ HERE?!
Mike Check: Oh no! I knew the Boogeyman is real and he’s coming to get me!
(*The Boogeyman shuffles over to Mike but turns his attention to Ringo*)
Ringo: “Back Off Boogaloo”! If you put your grubby hands on me I’ll sue you also!
The Boogeyman: Tick Tock, Tick Tock. (*smashes large clock on head*) DAH! BWAHAHAHAHA! I’M THE BOOGEYMAN! AND I’M COMIN’ TO GET YA!
Angry Jim (*doing commentary*): BY GAWD! THE BOOGEYMAN’S SMASHED THAT CLOCK RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD! AND BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP AS THE BOOGEYMAN IS NOW PICKING RINGO UP…AND OHHHH! HE’S GIVEN RINGO THE BOOGEYBOMB! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! HE’S BROKEN IN HALF! …AND NOW THE BOOGEYMAN’S PICKIN’ UP RINGO AGAIN AND NOW MAKIN’ LIKE A TREE AND LEAVIN’ THE BUILDING! I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE?!
Mike’s Daughter: (*walks back into the room*) Sorry, what did I miss?
Foley: The Boogeyman. Well like us, I guess you can say that The Boogeyman knew that Ringo was not a “beatle” but a giant “worm”.
Mike’s Daughter: What Boogeyman??? I didn’t see no…You’re all crazy!
Foley: Ah??? Well on that note, this is Mick Foley signing off and “Have a nice day”!
Mike Check: And see you tomorrow fellers.
Angry Jim: AND GO **** YOURSELVES!
Mike, Mike’s Daughter & Foley: JIIIIMMM!!!
Speaking of Mike Check’s: “This is Your Life”. It all descended into chaos as Ringo Star, Sir Alex, and a Sheriff, who was apparently my son, conspired to eliminate yours truly. Good my friend Rick Foley was there to help this poor ole man out. Unfortunately, this incident, along with the last one, got ole Mike is some more hot water with the bosses, let me tell you.
Foley: Wait so you…sorry again, I shouldn’t use “pro-nouns”…”Sheriff Harry Dickwell” and “Sir Alec Heineken are here to shoot Mike Check in some revenge plot? Yes, maybe Mike didn’t do a great job in supporting your mother but isn’t this a little extreme?
Dickwell: Do you remember the elderly Englishman that handed Mike the cigar that caused the explosion at that Fireworks Factory? Well, he’s back!
Foley: Whoa Whoa Whoa, I’ve heard rumors that you, Sir Alec, hate ole Mike here, but you were RIGHT HERE on THIS IS YOUR LIFE as a guest only a couple of weeks ago and you were, surprisingly, one of the very few guests who actually didn’t attempt to kill Mike? It doesn’t make sense?
Mike Check: Yeah why, Sir Eric Heimlich? And…(*looks more closely at “Sir Alec”*) why does your face seem a little rubbery lookin’ there?
“Sir Alec”: OOOOhhhh old chap. That’s because….(*takes off his “Mission Impossible” style prosthetic mask*)
Foley: Ringo Starr?!? But how…why?
Ringo (*to Mike Check*): Why did I do it? Well I could have put aside all of your whinging the time you were my room-mate in England, but no no no, you wouldn’t stop there. You’d go back to America and portray me as “evil” to your radio listeners and started up all those rumours that I had Paul McCartney (*does finger quotes*) “replaced” with an imposter, etc. I knew you’d be foolish enough to light that cigar in front of a Fireworks Factory that night and it would have been poetic justice since it was you that always accused me of nicking your cigars. But two years later I find out that you were alive when I was contacted to present you, of all people, with a BBC award in London. So I disguised myself as a clown and followed you around near your hotel in the hope that you’d have a heart attack before the award ceremony even started, but you didn’t. And later at that ceremony, the coppers pulled us apart before I could get my hands on you. But now thanks to Foley inviting me here, it led this Dickwell bloke in contacting me so he could find you.
Foley: If I may interject Ringo; I have one important question…why did you disguise yourself as Sir Alec?
Ringo: That’s your “important question” Mick??? There was no reason behind that particular disguise, it was just a disguise. You Yanks read too much into things. And it was a mask of renowned actor; Sir Alec Guinness that I was sporting by the way, but I guess you Yanks don’t read too much to even know who that is?
(*the room is filled with confused silence*)
Dickwell: Gawddamnit! Enough of this Sir Bud Wiser crap! All you people need to concern yourself right now is this 44 Magnum pointing at ole Mike’s head!
Ringo: I must say Harry, aren’t you taking things a tad far with that pistol of yours? That wasn’t supposed to be part of the plan?
Dickwell: What “plan” did you have in mind? More “disguises” and Coyote/Road Runner style pranks, hoping that he’d drop dead by accident?!
Foley: Guys sorry to interrupt again and I know this may be none of my business, but if you’re going to do this, why don’t you do it over in the corner. I can’t stand the sight of blood, which is I know is ironic since I wrestled in many hardcore matches.
Dickwell: Fine, I’ll give you that. Where do you want me?
Foley: Over there by that barbed-wire roped wrestling ring that’s still setup from a week ago.
Dickwell (*walks over to the ring*): You mean over here…?
Ringo: No mate! There’s C-4 under…
Dickwell: C Wha….(*Sheriff Dickwell explodes*)?
Foley: Well I guess it seems inadvertently that…I shot the Sheriff! BANG BANG!
Another memorable moment on Mike Check’s: “This Is Your Life”, was the time Rick Foley invited a feller I worked with all the way on the orient in the Yokohama, Japan market. And you could say there fellers that this incident ended with “a bang”:
Foley (on cellphone): Uh-huh. Its like the weirdest thing. Here he is out of nowhere trying to talk to Mike Check–the guy that I’m doing this show for. Yeah so anyways here he is trying to “apologize” for whatever then Mike Check just kicks him in the balls, THEN his kid shows up. I try to break things up with the kid but the brat just bit me! Then he tears up the place. If it wasn’t fur Hughie then I don’t know what would happen. I know-I know taking the kids on tour isn’t a bright idea but since Noelle is coming soon for the show I thought a little family get together would be fun. Uh-huh. Okay, love you too. Bye. *hangs up cellphone*
Mike Check: Who was that you were you talking to Rick?
Foley: That was my wife on the phone. After that whole mess from yesterday she notified me that Jake Lloyd Sr. broke out of a psychiatric facility somewhere in South Carolina. He was in there because starring in “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” literally made him mentally insane! Just recently he broke out of that mental institution he was in, kidnapped his son out of a legal institution of his own getting ready to be adopted since he’s mentally unfit to take care of his son, and came here! And I thought some of the stuff that I did back in the day didn’t make any sense! I called the cops so they can get Father & Son out of here but the weirdest thing is after I told them where I was they laughed at me & gave me some phone numbers for a free clinic in the area which I though was rather odd?
Mike Check: Yeah the cops are pretty weird here.
Foley: Mike I have to say this. From one father to another and since we’ve heard and unfortunately seen your *cough* “exploits” since my daughter is coming here. If you do anything inappropriate to her; I won’t be held responsible for my actions.
Mike Check: I’m not sure I that understand that particular reference there Rick?
Foley: All right moving on now. Today’s guest has come all the way from Japan, a place dear to my heart for those infamous exploding barbwire matches I had with Terry Funk. We have also set up a ring surrounded by C-4 explosives right here in the studio for no apparent reason.
Mike Check: That looks a tad dangerous there Rick?
Foley: Ha Ha Ha, never-mind that Mike. Do you recognize this voice?
???: Check-san! You dishonor me with shame! Now I revenge get!
Mike Check: I’m not sure I…?
Foley: It’s one of your former radio co-hosts; Chin Shima!
Mike Check: That’s right. I remember this feller when we used to work the Yokohama, Japan market. I went under the name “Johnny Hero” and we were the “The Hero Shima Show”.
Chin Shima: You dishonor with shame Check-san for call me Chin Shima”! Real name Jimichiro Rosshu, one of 40 assistant manager of Fukya Selfu Robotics, also former All-Japan Puroresu number 1 announcer and cousin to redneck Angry Jim-san; who English commentary provide for inferior promotion New Japan! And Check-san, you bring dishonor for always dirty boot wearing in house! Then bring anger and shame to Jimichiro after have us fire at radio station for make disrespect!
Mike Check: I’m not sure what particular reference you’re making there feller? But are you talking about the time we had those wrestling tag-team fillies from All-Japan called “The Jumping Bomb Angels” on the show? I’m not quite sure what I said that was offensive about: “How about you fine bombs make like WW2 and jump on Hero n’ Shima”. It got us fired and ole Mike deported and blacklisted…but I’m glad that I can laugh about it now.
Chin Shima a.k.a. Jimichiro Rosshu: Aghhh! Laugh about!? You dishonor all Japan with bombing war comment of disrespect! It your fault Check-san that wife filled with shame and stop sex date since many year with Jimichiro! I now revenge have and choppy choppy Mike-san pee-pee with Katana!
Ringo: (*walks in*) Mick, was I supposed to be the guest again today?…
Jimichiro Rosshu: (*looks over to Ringo and calms down*) Ringo Starr-san from Beatle that is you?
Ringo: Yes chap, would you be a fan?
Jimichiro Rosshu: (*now happy*) Hai. Use to sing Beatle song when wife have sex date regular until she cheat with drummer bakka…(*stares more closely at Ringo and becomes angry again*) That you leave wet drumstick at Jimichiro house front Genkan! You also bring disgrace Jimichiro with more dishonor!
Foley: Hold on guys, there’s C-4 around the place, so don’t…
Jimichiro Rosshu: (*not paying attention to Foley*) Aghhh! Now choppy choppy YOUR pee-pee! (*Jimichiro runs with his Katana towards Ringo but accidentally steps on a hidden C-4 bomb and explodes*)
Foley: Ah, Medic! …Well here’s a song by an American band who were also a big hit in Japan, no pun intended, it’s “Cherry Bomb” by The Runaways here on MIKE CHECK: THIS IS YOUR LIFE!
As I as saying before fellers, Rick Foley brought many guest from Mike Check’s radio career to celebrate “This Is Your Life”. Two most of the most memorable was when he invited Bob Ali and suzie Shuffle…who still hates ole Mike…from the time I worked the Ithica market for WTKO on “The Bob and Weave Morning Drive”:
Foley: Mike, I made my best effort to gather as many guests for “This Is your Life” as I could. Unfortunately, most of the radio DJ’s you worked with have either; disappeared off the face of the earth or want to kill you? However, I did find two of your radio colleagues from your days working as Bob Ali from “The Bob and Weave Morning Drive” at WTKO in Ithica, New York. So put your hands together for your old partner; Cassius Weave and weather girl; Suzie Shuffle!
Cassius Weave (*drunkenly*): Eeeeeeyyyy Bobby, how ya doin’ eh?
Mike Check: I’m doing great there feller, but I’m going under my real name Mike Check nowadays.
Cassius Weave: You’ll have to excuse me, I’m a little hung over. But you’re still Bobby to me baby.
Mike Check: Fascinating. Are you still drinking on a school night there feller?
Casuius Weave: Right on. But eeeeyyy, they were having a special on 7 and 7’s down at the Emporium. There’s some sexy foxes down there and ole Cassius still digs going “down there” if ya know what I mean Bobby.
Mike Check: Well speaking of “foxes”. Hello there Suzie, you’re still a very…very….very….very fine looking filly after all these years.
Suzie Shuffle: Hi Mike, thanks.
Mike Check: So for old time sake, since you were the WTKO: “The Knockout” weather girl, can you give us the weather update for tomorrow there?
Suzie Shuffle: Okay, well I think it’s going to be hot and humid.
Mike Check: Ahhhhh yeaaahh, say it’s “hot and humid” again. Say it slowly.
Suzie Shuffle: It’s going to be hhooottt aanndd huummiiid.
Mike Check: Oh yeeahh, tell ole Mike if it’s going to be…wet?
Suzie Shuffle: Well there’s a small chance of thunder in the evening…Hey wait?! Are you guys using sexual innuendos on me again!?
Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that particular reference there, but tell me more about “The Thunder”.
Suzie Shuffle: The only “Thunder” for you right now is ME “storming” out the door! Just like you did to me when I gave you the “forecast” that I was pregnant with your child! (*storms out the door*)
Casuius Weave: Eeeeeyyyyy, Suzie Suffle everybody! Now that’s one thunderous fox that I’m still diggin’ watchin’ her storm past from behind, if ya know what I mean Bobby?
Mike Check: Ole Mike would sure like to ride that storm from behind again on “Thunder Island”, let me tell you. Well speaking of that, here’s “Thunder Island” by Jay Ferguson here on WTKO: THE KNOCKOUT!
Casuius Weave (*angry all of a sudden*): Heeeeyyyyy, don’t talk that jive like about my Suzie, or I’m gonna knock you out to another market! (*goes to punch Mike Check but then falls down in a drunken stupor*)
Foley: (*stunned*) I believe the word to say here is…fascinating???