I Put A Spell On You by Bette Midler

Mike’s Daughter: Dad I’ve been thinking. What if black magic can get rid of Zombie Nathaniel? I think it’s going to take a huge pile of it in order to get rid of this. This–

(*Knock at the door*)

Mike’s Daughter (*opens door*): Hello. Are you a Trick or Treater? Because this is a bad time…

The Black Scorpion: No, but did I hear you say that you needed the help of some “Black Magic”?

Mike’s Daughter: Yeah, but I was…

Black Scorpion (*to Nathaniel*): Nathaniel, the end for you is coming and now it’s time to terrify you with my Black Magic. Beware Nathaniel! Beware my black magic for I will put a spell on you! See this curtain, I will place this over your cage and make…

Mike Check: Make him disappear?

The Black Scorpion: Er, no. I will turn him into a…leopard!

Mike’s Daughter: No, can you do something else?

The Black Scorpion: Yes, with my black magic I will destroy him by placing his head in this box and making his turn around multiple times!

Zombie Nathaniel: You mean like this? (*makes his own head turn around*)

The Black Scorpion: (*Gasp*) Disgusting! Uh…for my final trick I will now…disappear (*covers himself with a blanket and vanishes*)

Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*) Well, so much for “putting a spell on you”?

The Nobodies (Against All Gods Remix) by Marilyn Manson

Zombie Nathaniel: I’d love to go on and on and on and on about the Monster Abyss, in TNA: Total Non Stop Action Wrestling–BRAINS, like about his fantastic “Last rites” match with Sting–BRAINS, how he injured RVD with Janice, and how he was his own brother Joseph Park, and so on, and so on–BRAINS. But today I want to hear his theme song as a member of Tag-Team: The Decay–BRAINS. Where he has currently joined forces with Crazy Steve and Rosemary–BRAINS. Did ya know that they were Tag Team Champions until they lost at…

Mike Check (*interrupts*): Rosemary? Ain’t that the pretty filly that’s their valet? You know, I’m not sure how she pulls off looking scary and sexy at the same time? But since Taylor Wilde and Taryn Terrell are no longer with the promotion, I think that she now become my new favorite filly. Oh yeah, I’d sure like to eat her…

Zombie Nathaniel: BRAINS!

Mike Check: I was thinking of something else but I can’t say it on this family show.

Mike’s Daughter (*To Nathaniel*): I bet you like Abyss because he is “in Decay” just like your face is looks at the moment…and like TNA seems to be heading as a company if you read the current news…

Zombie Nathaniel: No No No–BRAINS! Just like Abyss, ever since I turned into a Zombie my face is now “beautiful”–BRAINS! And as far as TNA is concerned, like me, it will never die and it’s better than WWE who are “The Nobodies”, just like The title to decay’s theme song by Marilyn Manson–BRAINS.

Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*) There’s no point even…just play it, at least it’s not a Dale Oliver theme this time!

Nightmare by Dale Oliver

Zombie Nathaniel: Did ya know after Abyss’ match with Black Reign, he then teamed up with Rellik–BRAINS. This lead to a “Match of 10,000 Tacks” with Abyss and Raven teaming up to take then on at Turning Point 2007–BRAINS. Oh, and did ya know Rellik is “Killer” spelt backwards–BRAINS? Isn’t that clever? Rellik is Killer backwards, I bet ya didn’t know that–BRAINS?!

Mike’s Daughter: I don’t freakin’ care! Why don’t you just eat my brains now so I can die already! I think I liked you better a couple of weeks ago when you were only growled and said “Brains”. I’m tired of you this past week going on and on about TNA, and I’m tired of listening to these damn theme songs, and more importantly, tired of hearing these god damn Abyss facts for God sakes! I never thought that I’d ever quote Angry Jim but do you know what “Flesruoy Kcuf Og” spells backwards?!

Zombie Nathaniel: Brains? I’m not sure what…?

Mike Check: Uh, let’s just play this next song here on…HALLOWEEN HOOTENANNY!

Black Reign by Dale Oliver

Zombie Nathaniel: Did you know that Abyss, in TNA: Total Non Stop Action Wrestling, feuded with Dustin Rhodes aka Goldust–BRAINS? He was called “Black Reign” and he was a darker version of Goldust–BRAINS! Did ya know that they participated in a Monster’s Ball Match at Bound For Glory 2007 and then wrestled in a “Shop of Horror”s match at Genesis, I bet ya didn’t know that–BRAINS? Black Reign was Dustin’s best gimmick, in my opinion–BRAINS!

Mike’s Daughter: Really? I thought Goldust was his best gimmick? I liked it when he and Booker…

Zombie Nathaniel (*interrupts*): No No No! Goldust was stupid! I should eat your brains for saying that! But I won’t because I want to you play Black Reign’s theme song by Dale Oliver right now!

Mike Check: Well here you go there feller:

Ave Vampire by Dale Oliver

Zombie Nathaniel: Did ya know that in TNA: Total Non Stop Action Wrestling, “The Monster” Abyss’ mother shot his dad and he took the blame and went to prison to protect her–BRAINS? Father James Mitchell then bailed him out so Abyss had to obey him or else he’d report Abyss’ mother to the authorities–BRAINS. But eventually, Abyss turned on him by giving him the Blackhole Slam, so he later returned with Judas Mesias, who then feuded with Abyss–BRAINS? Apparently they were also half-brothers because Judas Mesias’ father was also James Mitchell, who kept his son a secret from him that whole time…

Mike’s Daughter: Wait. That story-line kinda sounds like a ripoff of Kane and The Undertaker in WWE where we found out that Taker’s manager Paul Bearer was Kane’s father…

Zombie Nathaniel: NO NO NO–BRAINS! It’s not the same thing because Abyss and Mesias had the same father, not mother–BRAINS!

Mike’s Daughter: It’s still a rip-off.

Zombie Nathaniel: I should rip-off your skull and eat your BBBRRRAAAIIINNNSSS!! *Zombie Nathaniel lunges at Mike Check’s daughter but the cage blocks him form making her into a tasty zombie treat*

Mike Check: Whoa there. Let’s all calm down and listen to this next song by Dale Oliver called “Ave Vampire” here on…HALLOWEEN HOOTENANNY!

Down In The Catacombs by Dale Oliver

Zombie Nathaniel: I wanna request some songs Mike–BRAINS! But not just any dumb song that you usually play Mike, I wanna hear some that were produced by the greatest theme song composer in the world…Dale Oliver of TNA: Total Non Stop Action wrestling–BRAINS! I wanna hear the theme of my favorite TNA wrestler…THE Monster Abyss–BRAINS!

Mike Check: I’m not sure that I’m too familiar with this Dave Olive feller’s music but…

Zombie Nathaniel: But weren’t you once the TNA Correspondent on Wrestlecrap Radio Mike–BRAINS? How could you not even know who Dale Oliver is? That’s preposterous–BRAINS! I mean, I was also a TNA Correspondent and I know who he is–BRAINS! I guess (*snorts*) that made me a much better Correspondent than you Mike–BRAINS!

Mike’s Daughter: My dad might have been a terrible correspondent and a polarizing figure with the so called “12 listeners, but at least that meant that some people actually liked him and his boring rants. Unlike you who no one liked because you’re such a know-it all fanboy who still couldn’t even get laid by a dead corpse or worse! Dixie Carter! Oh, and speaking of Dixie, if you think that you’re as good of a TNA correspondent as you say you are then you would have known that Billy Corgan is currently suing her. And you can also add Bischoff and The Harris Twins to the list of…

Zombie Nathaniel: What?! No No No!–BRAINS! Lies! All Lies–BRAINS!

Mike Check: Now Now, you two. I just found the tune “Down in the Catacombs”, so let’s just sit, relax and listen to it here on…HALLOWEEN HOOTENANNY!!

Bullet With Butterfly Wings by The Smashing Pumpkins

Mike Check: I guess our Zombie doesn’t like our music? I wonder if we should let this Zombie feller out of this cage? Perhaps he’s mad because he needs to go to the bathroom outside?

Mike’s Daughter: Dad! He’s a Zombie, not a dog. And besides, he looks to me like one giant rat.

Zombie Nathaniel: Despite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage–BRAINS (*tries to swipe his claws at them*)!

Mike’s Daughter: Wait. You can talk?

Zombie Nathaniel: Oh boy yes, I can talk–BRAINS. Especially if the topic is about TNA: Total Non Stop Action Wrestling, the greatest wrestling promotion in the whole entire world! It’s better than that Sports Entertainment muck called WWE–BRAINS! Although lately my new found enjoyment of eating human brains has come a close second–BRAINS.

Mike’s Daughter: Oh God. Look, I like TNA too…or at least what it once was and I hope they find a way to survive. But, God, it’s fanboy Nerds like you that give it a bad name.

Zombie Nathaniel: I’ll eat your brains for blaspheming TNA–BRAINS. Did you know Billy Corgan has recently become the President of TNA which means that it’s now far superior in every way–BRAINS!

Mike’s Daughter: How so?

Zombie Nathaniel: Oh, ah–BRAINS? Just play my favorite song by Billy Corgan’s band The Smashing Pumpkins–BRAINS. This song was the theme to TNA Lockdown 2009, TNA’s best PPV ever–BRAINS!

Mike Check: Well here’s “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” by…wait weren’t they those kids who vandalized my prized Jack-O-Lanterns back in the early 90’s…I guess that’s how those brats got the name: The Smashing Pumpkins? Did I ever tell you about the time…

Mike’s Daughter: Dad! Just play it:

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