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Pressure by Billy Joel

Mike Check’s Daughter: ARGH!!!

Mike Check: What’s up darlin’?

Mike Check’s Daughter: Ever since Mick Foley’s “This Is Your Life” show there has been all these awful things that happened. The death of my brother Sheriff Dickwell by a C-4 Ring Explosion, your heart attack…dad, are you OK by the way?

Mike Check: For the hundredth time I’m fine!

Mike Check’s Daughter: God Dad don’t get cranky on me! Then there’s that whomever it was that tried to shoot you. Oh and then there are those nerds Raging_Demons and R.V.M Kai calling us basically threatening us to behave or else. Which I don’t respond too well Dad. I feel all this–this–

Mike Check: Pressure?

Mike Check’s Daughter: There you go, Pressure!

Mike Check: Let me give you some advice darlin’ Back when I was working in the Seattle Market I worked for a radio station called KACL where I did a radio talk show and I gave out helpful advice. I was Frasier Mahoney and I had a partner named David Crane and together our talk show was called “The Frasier Crane Show”. Now darlin’, if I still had my show I would tell you to go somewhere and relax and get all that stress out. In fact I got an idea. Here’s a little personal request from me to you, my whiz-kid of a daughter. It’s “Pressure” by Billy Joel here on…THE MACKER!

Mike Check’s Daughter: Thanks Dad! I think I’ll go to work and find a guy and hoping I can release the “pressure” that he has. Hopefully its all over my face, neck, and chest.

Mike Check: You were always a messy eater darlin’

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Ska Robot Army by The Aquabats

Mike’s Daughter: Dad are you alright?! That crazy woman could have shot you yesterday.

Mike Check: I’m fine darlin’. Thank god that metal feller from last year was there or else I would had been a goner!

Mike’s Daughter: Yeah but I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that Robocop was there to rescue you yet he got lost to Wrestlemania last year which seemed pretty odd to me, or that he seems to have been re-programmed with the late C.S. Irwin’s traits…now that cannot possibly be considered “canon”, can it?

Mike Check: No my precious petunia, he had a gun not a canon. Next you’re gonna say that he brought along a “Ska Robot Army” with him here to save ole Mike? Well speaking of that, that sounds like a great song to play today here on…THE MACKER!

Mike’s Daughter: *sigh*

Pistol Packin’ Mama by Al Dexter and His Troopers

*Knock on the door*

Mike Check (*opens door*): Why hello there you pretty filly…what can ole Mike do for you?

“Unknown Woman”: I finally tracked you down. So I just wanted to…(*pulls out a pistol*)

Mike Check: Hey! Why are you pointing that pistol at me there!?

“Unknown Woman”: What? You don’t remember me? You never paid me a dime in alimony, and now you kill my son Harry Dickwell you bastard!

Mike Check: Look there. Any deaths that have occurred around here have all been freak accidents, let me tell you. and I’m very…very…very…very…sorr–

“Unknown Woman”/Dickwell’s Mother: Shut Up! Now I’m gonna shoot you myself, just like I did to that that blonde that you cheated on me with in the 70’s!

Mike Check: Look there you crazy filly. Ole Mike has had to constantly change his name to get away from you. And my memory might not be what it used to be, but I seem to remember we were just a one night fling, so I did not in fact ch–

Dickwell’s Mother: Aghh! Why didn’t you love me Mike?! I would’ve loved you to death, (*about to pull trigger*) which is wh–

RoboCop (*Shows up behind her and interrupts*): DROP THE GUN. DEAD OR ALIVE YOUR COMING WITH ME.

Dickwell’s Mother (*turns around and takes Mike Check hostage*): Damn Robocop! Hey, my son would have taken you out if it wasn’t for this fool Mike Check taking him out first. I despise you stupid robots taking our police jobs all because you go strictly by the rules! Now I’m gonna shoot you!

RoboCop: YOUR MOVE CR-CR-CR-EEP (*Robocop goes a little hay-wire*).

Dickwell’s Mother: (*laughs maniacally*) Yes, it is my move because you know full well that you can’t just shoot me while I’m holding a hostage. You’re a robot. You’re programmed to go by the rules.

RoboCop: (*manages to retain his composure*) MA’AM, (*takes off helmet and puts on a pair of sunglasses*) SOMETIMES THE RULES…CHANGE.

(*Robocop shoots her in the knee-caps, then shoots the gun out of her hand and then handcuffs her*)

Robocop: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR THE THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF A POLICE OFFICER. THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF MIKE CHECK AND–

Mike Check (*interrupts*): Sorry to interrupt but that was some nice shootin’. What’s your name there feller?

RoboCop: IRWIN…Robo C.S Irwin

Kickstart My Heart by Mötley Crüe

Mike Check: That Tweet, as the kids call it, from a couple of days ago has had ole Mike reflecting on the last month and I’m quite glad that I survived that heart attack, let alone that awful “This Is your Life” show. So today I want to dedicate this next song to my Doctor for saving my life…again.. And no, it’s not that “Doctor What” feller.

Mike’s Daughter: Doctor Who.

Mike Check: What?

Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*) Just tell your story!

Mike Check: Ah, did I ever tell you fellers about the time I controlled the switchboard on KDOC for a radio show called “The Kickstart My Heart Hour”? Well “Dr. Phil Goode” was the host, not the same “Dr Phil” who yells at people on TV nowadays, but this Dr. Phil used to give his callers medical advice and I was hired merely to play the commercials and bumpers. Unfortunately one night ole Mike was a little tipsy and took over the microphone and talked to fillies all night on the phone about gonorrhea. Management weren’t too pleased, let me tell you, and threw us off the air. Mind you, this was back in the 60’s when you couldn’t get away with the type of things that Howard Stern later made a career of. But anyway, he had no hard feelings and is still ole Mike’s and my daughter’s physician to this day. (*turns to his daughter*) Didn’t you get some operation from him a few years back darlin’?

Mike’s Daughter: (*she nervously crosses her arms covering her quadruple D sized chest*) Ah? No.

Mike Check: Yes you did, you had some minor heart operation which also caused your chest to swell up for some reason? He’s a “good”, no pun intended, doctor but sometimes he can be more like “Dr. Frankenstein”, let me tell you? (*phone rings and Mike picks it up)…Hello? KMCR.

RD Reynolds: “I-van”! (*dial-tone*)

Foley: Ivan? Was that Jerry Lewis? Well anyway, since “Dr Phil Goode” sounds like a Motley Crue song, let’s play…no I think “Kickstart My Heart” is more appropriate, here on…THE MACKER!

Tears Of A Clown by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles

Mike Check: Fellers, apparently Rick Foley sent my daughter a message on her Tweeter that “Yurple The Clown” filly has been feeling very…very…very…very sad that she caused ole Mike to have a heart attack last month. Although I’m fine physically, I’m still terrified by her presence, so she’s still banned from KMCR. But since I’m still a good man and also promised those fellers Raggy David and R.P.M Khan to behave, ole Mike will still do the honor in playing a song dedicated to you; YURPLE! It’s “Tears Of A Clown” by Smokey Robinson And The Miracles here on…THE MACKER!

Mike Check: …Speaking of being sad, ole Mike’s quite upset that one of my sons is no longer with us.

Mike’s Daughter: Dad. If it wasn’t for Mick’s help, he would have shot you…but let’s never speak of “Harry Dickwell” ever again or else we might get into trouble from “the bosses” again.

Mike Check: Who’s “Henry Ditchwell”?

Mike’s Daughter: Good.

Mike Check: No really, who are you talking about there?

Mike’s Daughter: You…(*sigh*) I mean, no-one dad. Weren’t we just talking about a clown?

Mike Check: Ah yes darlin’…You’re right, let’s never speak of her again!

Mama Said by The Shirelles

Last month had some bad days for ole Mike but as my Mama said; “there’ll be days like this”. So since it’s Mothers’ Day, in dedication to my Mama…Mama Check, here’s “Mama Said” by The Shirelles here on..THE MACKER!

Hard To Say I’m Sorry by Chicago

Weell I hope those Raggy David and R.P.M Khan fellers aren’t still mad at ole Mike. Hopefully this song by Chicago will make up for it, because it’s “Hard To Say I’m Sorry” here on…THE MACKER!

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