Dirty Harry by Adam Ant
Foley: Sheriff Dickwell, after you went to Oklahoma and spoke with Jim what happened? Did you finally find Mike Check?
Dickwell: Well to summarize the “so-called” forth part of the story, on October 1 2012, Raging Demons and I didn’t find Mike at the Dollar General but we did a further stakeout on Angry Jim. We followed him to the arena in Oklahoma City where they were taping a WWE show for a “JR Appreciation Night”. We also happened to spot a woman who fit the description of Mike’s daughter, only now her bust size had changed in significant size, sneaking into the backstage area. That’s when I went undercover to observe Angry Jim while Demons sneaked backstage to follow her. Well while being distracted by Jim yelling at another announcer, known as “Cole”, backstage and inciting a brawl, Demons was kidnapped by Mike’s Daughter who then took him to back Mike Check’s home. I followed their tail and arrived there just in time to stop her from breaking Demons’ legs with a baseball bat…
Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*) Still stealing 90’s movie references Harry? Now it’s “Misery”, so what else do I do, stab him with an Ice Pick like in Basic Instinct?
Dickwell: Look ma’am, can you explain why he was in so much fear being hand-cuffed to your bed?
Mike’s Daughter: I don’t…well speaking of “hand-cuffs” explain where you’ve been in the last few years?
Dickwell: (*sigh*)….You know what, screw this! The REAL reason I tried to find your dear old dad and why I’m here now is…I’m Mike Check’s son. Yes, he’s my father and that dead beat screwed my mother out of child support payments for years. So I did a little framing of Mike Check in order for him to serve some prison time. Yes, he did owe child support payments but not the over inflated $1,000,000 for 500 kids that I forged in the police report. So the police arrive and apprehend Mike but gave him a lesser sentence for proving some information on that corrupt warden from Folsom, and he was kept under House Arrest ever since. I, on the other hand, was arrested and placed in the slammer for three years for filing false reports! And you don’t want to know what they do to cops in there! And that whole time, I couldn’t stop wondering about how I was find out!? But the more important question right now is; (*points a 44 Magnum at Mike Check*) Do you feel lucky, well do ya Punk!?
Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that particular reference there son? I know a feller called B.M. Punk?
Dickwell: (*sigh*) You senile old…have you paid attention to anything I said…?
Mike’s Daughter: (*pleading*) Harry please no. Don’t shoot dad! It was me! I tipped off the authorities about you…
Dickwell: Shut up you whore, I don’t even care about that anymore! But before I shoot dear ole daddy, I have a big surprise that I want to show you all.
Mike Check: Oh boy, I love surprises there feller.
Dickwell (*face palms*) You’re really testing my patience, you really…(*shouts at someone who’s hiding behind the door*) Hey, it’s time to come out!
(*An elderly man enters the room*)
Mike’s Daughter (*gasp*): Sir Alec Heineken?!?!
….TO BE CONTINUED