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Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie


The “Anti-Pope”: Well I am no pope that’s for sure!

*The book in The Anti-Pope’s hand starts to glow, fire starts to surround The Anti-Pope, his clothes and face burn away to show who This Anti-Pope was, Father James Mitchell”*

Father James Mitchell: OH I do love it when I make a good deal! I’ve been seeking for this cursed Dusty Rhodes book for years and now I own it! OH THE POWER THAT I FEEL WITHIN THIS BOOK!

Rosemary (gets up slowly, runs to Mike Check and grabs him by the chest): That’s *points to The Dusty Rhodes book* the Dusty Rhodes book! YOU HAD IT THE ENTIRE TIME?!

Mike Check: Honestly Rosemary that’s not the question I have. What I want to know is why is the station manager of WVUDU is doing here?



Rosemary (grabs Mike Check by the shirt): YOU HAD THE BOOK THE ENTIRE TIME!!! AND YOU DIDN’T TELL US!!!

Mike Check: Well how I was supposed to know that there there book was your mystical doo-dad that you wanted? Brad gave me that book years ago as one of them there Christmas joke presents. Like I was supposed to take him seriously with that! Muh-heh! Muh-heh! Getting some stupid advice on how to do my job with a book. I have more radio experience in one of my pinkies than–

“The Sinister Minister” James Mitchell: ENOUGH!

*James Mitchell shoots a magical bolt at Rosemary knocking off her feet*

Mike Check: Your not supposed to do that to a filly! You look like that radio station manager that was my boss at WVUDU?

Father James Mitchell: Well I’m glad that you remember me Michael because I was in fact your boss. In fact I have been a big fan of yours for years! When I heard you back in your days as WHMR–

Mike Check: Ah yes! The Hamdinger!

Father James Mitchell: Yes. When I heard you on The Hamdinger, I knew I had to have you working at my radio station. When you left your previous station, I hired you immediately! I even tried to make you happy by agreeing for you to date our voodoo witch Sue Young. Somehow you got poor Sue killed! So I had to fire you, along with the sexual misconduct, laziness, general stupidity, and other reasons. Then when I realized is that, although you may be a horrible employee, you’re a great radio man! Any place I found you working of course I had to listen! Your time on WTKO was…Legendary! Even when you were on that Wrestlecrap Radio Podcast with your “WWCR” gimmick, oh the sheer brilliance of it all!

Mike Check: What’s a podcast?

Father James Mitchell: And then! You started this radio station! I could listen to you anytime I wanted and was able to be satisfied!

*Rosemary tries to get up but “The Sinister Minister” James Mitchell shoots another magic bolt to slam her to the ground*

Father James Mitchell: AND STAY DOWN!

Mike Check: But why here? Why now?

Father James Mitchell: Oh Michael. I would gladly love to enjoy you from far away but when I heard of you talking about this, (*Holds up The CURSED Dusty Rhodes Book*) I knew through my various deals that this was the EXACT book I was looking for. Coming here as myself would pose a problem, but then I remembered that weird thing you did with some “Anti-Pope” guy. So I would come here, dressed up as him, get your trust, and get the book from you!

*Mike Check’s Daughter staggers into the room*

Mike’s Daughter: Ugh! My head. What the hell?! What’s James Mitchell doing here?

Father James Mitchell: Whose the whore Michael?

Mike Check: What did you call my daughter?!

Father James Mitchell: Oh no matter. First I’ll take care of this wanna be Living Dead Girl, then I’ll go after the whore next!

The Rising Sun by CFO$

Mike Check: Darlin’?

Mike’s Daughter: Yeah Dad?

Mike Check: What were you doing?

Mike’s Daughter: Bouncing? Guys like it when I bounce.

Mike Check: No one is going to see that! Also you nearly got me in trouble with yesterday’s song with some of the language in that whatever you called it! I’m beginning to regret this decision that I made here with you taking over if I’m gone. I wonder if I can get Penny Simpson back? We can bring back “The Penny Cillin Show?”

Mike’s Daughter: DAD! I got today’s song and you’ll really like it.

Mike Check: Oh?

Mike’s Daughter: You play a lot of pro wrestling music right?

Mike Check: Yes I learned back in my WTKO days with the WWF that music plays well in the market. Especially with most music done by that Rick Derringer and Jim Johnson fellers.

Mike’s Daughter: Rick Derringer hasn’t done music with “WWF” since “The Wrestling Album” and Jim Johnson hasn’t done a lot of music for WWE since he was fired a few years back. Instead WWE hired a couple of music producers that does all the wrestler’s theme music and they called themselves “CFO$” and today I’m going to play one of their songs that definitely plays well in your market.

Mick Check: And what is this song called?

Mike’s Daughter: Its called “The Rising Son”. It was Number 1 in iTunes.

Mike Check: And what pray tell is an “iTunes”?

Mike’s Daughter: Just listen to the song here on, The Macker?

Let’s Start The New Year Right by Bing Crosby

Mike Check: Weell hello there fellers! Let’s hope that 2018 is a better year for ole Mike since 2017 was a disaster, let me tell you. We had our radio station almost taken from us, then bought back by SAM, then almost taken away again. Not to mention facing brink of going to hell…twice…literally. Yes, we have definitely fallen on some hard times here on the Mike Check Show, which is why I had to resort to selling Christmas trees to make some dough last month…

Mike’s Daughter: Wait? I thought that we were supposed to keep that Christmas tree ‘side business’ a secret, dad? …Oh wait. *sigh* you told RD and Blade about it on Wrestlecrap Radio’s Christmas podcast, didn’t you?

Mike Check: Yes, don’t remind me. And ole Mike got some of that mace in my eyes from this pretty filly, I think her name was Sue, because she misunderstood my “Bald Cypress” reference?

Mike’s daughter: Yeah, you have to stop pissing off women named “Sue”.

Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that reference there darlin’?

Mike’s daughter: You know, as in “Suzie Shuffle”; your old weather girl that almost got our show cancelled…twice?

Mike Check: When was that?

Mike’s daughter: *sigh* Never mind (*changes subject*)…But, hey I have an idea…RD and Blade started a Patreon site to raise some money? Perhaps I could start up a Patreon site to help us?

Mike Check: Don’t be silly there darlin, how’s that Mexican wrestler from TNA’s eyesight gonna help us?

Mike’s Daughter: I said Patreon, not El Patron! Geeze!

Mike Check: Don’t get cranky there darlin’ or I might rethink my nice surprise that I have for you tomorrow here on KMCR?

Mike’s Daughter: Surprise? Well this could either go good or bad? But why for me?

Mike Check: Because there darlin, ole Mike wants to “Start The New Year Right” here before the Martians soon enslave us all here on…THE MACKER!

Leave It by Yes

Mike’s Daughter: Dad I know we’re in big trouble with our finances as of late but people are messaging me like hell on Facebook asking if you had any connection with Lance Catamaran? Is that true?

Mike Check: Lance…Catamaran? Name doesn’t ring a bell Darlin’?

Mike’s Daughter: Let me see if I can help. WWE recently found a lost VHS tape of a wrestling promotion called “Southpaw Regional Wrestling” and there’s this commentator named Lance Catamaran. Now Lance keeps repeating of a job that he had in Utica, New York as a newscaster. Does that help?

Mike Check: Hrm. Utica did you say?

Mike’s Daughter: Yes Utica.

Mike Check: I don’t remember any Lance Catmandu but I do remember working in the Utica Market. I stayed in the New York area after I was let go from WTKO in Ithaca, that’s where I did “The Bob & Weave Show” and one of the places I landed was a radio station in the Utica area. Shortly afterwards the radio station merged with a local Utica TV Station WUTR. I was doing my usual Sunday Information Radio show as there as Mike Check, one of the few times I actually used my given name and I thought I keep the name of the show somewhat regional because I thought it would play well in our market & I called it “Here’s Looking At YOU-tica Kid!”

*Mike’s Daughter groans*

Mike Check: Anyways since the TV People and the Radio people shared the same building and occasionally we would meet in the cafeteria to have breaks, lunches, and what not. Usually the TV people and the Radio people don’t really get along. The TV people were always so high and snooty because they can get seen and heard while calling Radio “TV for ugly people”. I showed a few of those TV people what Radio was for if you know what I mean there Darlin’! Funny thing was this weird kid just started off as a TV newscaster wanted to hang around me a lot to know the Radio business.

Mike’s Daughter: That must be Lance Catamaran!

Mike Check: No. The kid’s name was…Larry if I’m right?

Mike’s Daughter: Larry?!? That doesn’t sound like a news casting sort of name.

Mike Check: You starting to sound like RJ and Brad there always interrupting my stories there Darlin’. Larry asked all sorts of questions about the Radio business and I was slowly mentoring him in a way that Walter Cronkite mentored me. One day Larry came up to me asking advice how to get this particular filly so I gave him some advice.

Mike’s Daughter: So what happened next?

Mike Check: He never showed back to work again. I heard he was fired for harassing a filly, he kept muttering saying he wanted to do a “Buffalo Nickelback” on her. I’m not sure I understood that particular reference there. Its too bad he was gone; that kid wanted to partner up with me and expand my Sunday show to also cover the Buffalo and Springfield area, he wanted to call it The Buffalo-Springfield Hour or “The BS Hour” for short.

Mike’s Daughter: But Dad, “Larry” could possibly be Lance Catamaran?

Mike Check: Nah leave it there Darlin’. He could had change his name into someone else as far I know.

(Editor’s Note: Based on an idea by Sean Bateman)

What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes

(*phone rings*)

Mike Check: KMCR. Mike Check speaking?

R.V.M Kai: What’s going on Mike? About a year ago I almost closed this show down because of your idiocy, and then you had to…? Look, I’m just calling to tell you that I have tried to convince my colleagues Premier Blah and Raging_Demons into letting your show back on the air because something tells me that you may not be guilty this time. I have reviewed yesterday’s audio that offended Suzie Shuffle and I don’t even don’t know what to think of it? I mean, you’re not the most politically correct guy in the world, but acting like a complete “troll” is not like you? It doesn’t make sense that you could speak in a demonic voice and then tell your listeners to worship Satan? “What’s Up” with that?

Mike Check: I don’t either know there feller? Ole Mike was possessed, let me tell you.

R.V.M Kai: Yeah, whatever? Oh, and I just wanted to tell you to not to worry about looking for that Ninja Turtles CD anymore. I’ve just been informed that, although we’re still letting you have the show for now, you will have to pay back what you embezzled from Premier Blah by the end of the month or he wants 100% of the shares in The Mike Check Show. See ya. (*hangs up phone*)

Mike’s Daughter (*walks into room*): What’s Up Dad?

Mike Check: That feller from Down under says that they want us to pay up in full or Premier Blake will take over KMCR by the end of March. What are we gonna do?

Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*) Crap! Looks like that I have to work double the poles at work now?

Mike Check: It’s good what you do for the Polish after what they have been through.

Mike’s Daughter: Uh? Yeah? Those poles?

Sorry Suzanne by The Hollies

Mike Check (*taps microphone*): Is this thing on? Oh yes it is. Weelll fellers, it seems that ole Mike hasn’t been thrown off the air yet. I rarely plays two songs in one day, but under the circumstances, I need take this opportunity to play this tune right now to apologize to a filly named Suzie Shuffle. Earlier today, I had somehow said some words that I don’t remember saying and then played a song that offended her. I can’t explain my brief lack of judgement? Perhaps ole Mike is getting too old for the radio game? But anyhow, ole Mike will admit to my mistake and hopefully this song will make up for it? So I’m “Sorry Suzanne” and here’s The Hollies here on…(*sadly sighs*) perhaps ole Mike’s last show?

Runaround Sue by Dion

Mike Check: For my final song on “Love On The Ropes Month” here’s the last song that I will dedicate to Suzie Shuffle. She still hasn’t called KMCR yet so I don’t know if she has forgiven me. Oh well. Ole Mike will just have to accept the fact that… (*voice changes to a deeper tone all of a sudden*) I WANT TO WHIP OUT MY LIGHTNING ROD AND SPRINKLE MY YELLOW RAIN ALL OVER THAT “RUNAROUND SUZIE’S” FACE, NECK AND CHEST! …OH, AND WORSHIP THE DEVIL!

Mike’s Daughter: What?! Why did you do that dad?!

Mike Check (*voice is back to normal*): I don’t know darlin’? What just happened to me?

(*phone rings*)

Mike Check: Hello. KMCR?

Suzie Shuffle: Mike! I’ve been trying to ignore your stupid love songs all week, but now you’re playing “Run Around Sue”?! Are saying that I’m some sort of whore? This is all time low Mike! Even lower than the low pressure system sweeping through New York Tomorrow. So as far as I’m concerned, I forecast that you can take your lightning rod and go screw yourself!

Mike Check: But…I didn’t…I don’t know…?

(*Suzie hangs up the phone*)

Mike Check: But? It wasn’t me? I think I was possessed or something?

Mike’s Daughter: What are you talking about?! Oh no! If Premier Blah finds out about this we’re both fu….

(*phone rings*)

Mike Check: Hello. KMCR?

Raging_Demons: What the hell was that Mike!?! You were already on thin ice and you just had to reopen ole wounds from last year! You have been a pain on my side since Day One and I have had it with you! I’ve talked to Premier Blah and screw that Ninja Turtles CD! Starting tomorrow, we will be make the arrangements to take over The Mike Check Show permanently! Goodbye. (*slams down phone*)

Mike Check: But…


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