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Thunder Island by Jay Ferguson

As I as saying before fellers, Rick Foley brought many guest from Mike Check’s radio career to celebrate “This Is Your Life”. Two most of the most memorable was when he invited Bob Ali and suzie Shuffle…who still hates ole Mike…from the time I worked the Ithica market for WTKO on “The Bob and Weave Morning Drive”:

Foley: Mike, I made my best effort to gather as many guests for “This Is your Life” as I could. Unfortunately, most of the radio DJ’s you worked with have either; disappeared off the face of the earth or want to kill you? However, I did find two of your radio colleagues from your days working as Bob Ali from “The Bob and Weave Morning Drive” at WTKO in Ithica, New York. So put your hands together for your old partner; Cassius Weave and weather girl; Suzie Shuffle!

Cassius Weave (*drunkenly*): Eeeeeeyyyy Bobby, how ya doin’ eh?

Mike Check: I’m doing great there feller, but I’m going under my real name Mike Check nowadays.

Cassius Weave: You’ll have to excuse me, I’m a little hung over. But you’re still Bobby to me baby.

Mike Check: Fascinating. Are you still drinking on a school night there feller?

Casuius Weave: Right on. But eeeeyyy, they were having a special on 7 and 7’s down at the Emporium. There’s some sexy foxes down there and ole Cassius still digs going “down there” if ya know what I mean Bobby.

Mike Check: Well speaking of “foxes”. Hello there Suzie, you’re still a very…very….very….very fine looking filly after all these years.

Suzie Shuffle: Hi Mike, thanks.

Mike Check: So for old time sake, since you were the WTKO: “The Knockout” weather girl, can you give us the weather update for tomorrow there?

Suzie Shuffle: Okay, well I think it’s going to be hot and humid.

Mike Check: Ahhhhh yeaaahh, say it’s “hot and humid” again. Say it slowly.

Suzie Shuffle: It’s going to be hhooottt aanndd huummiiid.

Mike Check: Oh yeeahh, tell ole Mike if it’s going to be…wet?

Suzie Shuffle: Well there’s a small chance of thunder in the evening…Hey wait?! Are you guys using sexual innuendos on me again!?

Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that particular reference there, but tell me more about “The Thunder”.

Suzie Shuffle: The only “Thunder” for you right now is ME “storming” out the door! Just like you did to me when I gave you the “forecast” that I was pregnant with your child! (*storms out the door*)

Casuius Weave: Eeeeeyyyyy, Suzie Suffle everybody! Now that’s one thunderous fox that I’m still diggin’ watchin’ her storm past from behind, if ya know what I mean Bobby?

Mike Check: Ole Mike would sure like to ride that storm from behind again on “Thunder Island”, let me tell you. Well speaking of that, here’s “Thunder Island” by Jay Ferguson here on WTKO: THE KNOCKOUT!

Casuius Weave (*angry all of a sudden*): Heeeeyyyyy, don’t talk that jive like about my Suzie, or I’m gonna knock you out to another market! (*goes to punch Mike Check but then falls down in a drunken stupor*)

Foley: (*stunned*) I believe the word to say here is…fascinating???

Okie From Muskogee by Merle Haggard / One Way Or Another by Blondie

Did I ever tell you fellers about the time that yours truely, ole Mike, has a feller named Angry John as my guest host of our Forth Year Of Whackin’. He definitely was a very…very…very…angry man, let me tell you:

Mike Check: Well fellers, ole Mike would like to announce that my special guest for The Mike Check Show’s “Four Years of Whackin” anniversary month is not in fact Cassius Weave, who was my co-host back when I worked in the Ithica market on a station known as WTKO: THE KNOCKOUT!” No, it was my daughter’s April Fool prank, as the kids say these days, to fool ole Mike. But don’t you fellers get “angry” because my actual special guest co-host has just arrived at the KMCR studios a.k.a. THE MACKER! But before he comes in, let me play his theme music. It’s the Oklahoma Sooners fight song, it’s “Boomer Sooner here on…and I am allowed to call the show this during April…THE WHACKER!

Mike Check: Welcome…John?

Angry Jim: Go f*** yourself! It’s Jim…Angry Jim! You son of a *****!

Mike Check: My apologies, Jim. But I keep forgetting your real name since I know you from the old days as Bill when we both worked the Oklahoma market at a radio station K.N.C.R: THE KNOCKER! I was Jake Boomer, you were Bill Sooner and our show was the “Boomer Sooner Crooner Hour”. Those were the days. Remember when we used to break all those “Jezebels”, as you used to say, hearts. Speaking of that, are you still breaking hearts these days Bill…I mean John?…

Angry Jim: It’s JIM! And no! I got married! And my wife hasn’t ****ed me in years! I spend most of my time in the basement rubbing my meat!

Mike Check: Fascinating?

Angry Jim: And right now I’m angry, you wanna know why?

Mike Check: Why?

Angry Jim: Well “A”, I was told that I wouldn’t have to come back to this ****hole after I played Bar-B-Q by ZZ TOP last year. And “B”, it seemed that I was about to get some action from this big-boobed woman in some hotel in L.A. but I was slobberknockered by ninjas, passed out and ended up at this radio station all of a sudden?! Where the **** am I anyway?!

Mike Check: Uh…let’s not worry about that now my ‘Okie’ friend…oh and speaking of ‘Okie’, here’s a song you might be familiar with; it’s “Okie From Muskogee” by Merle Haggard here on THE WHACKER!

————————–

Angry Jim: I’m gonna get you Johnny Age! Even Deborah Harry can whip your no good pathetic *** like a Government mule!

Mike Check: I’ve heard a lot of things in all the many markets I’ve worked in but I don’t quite understand that “Government Mule” reference there!

Angry Jim: It means the same thing as a “slobberknocker”!

Mike Check: Well whatever that is, all I know is that “one way or another” ole Mike would love to whip out his “Mule” near Ms. Harry’s “slobberknockers”.

Angry Jim: Now I don’t understand what the **** you’re talking about?!

Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie

PREVIOUSLY. ON THE MIKE CHECK SHOW:

The “Anti-Pope”: Well I am no pope that’s for sure!

*The book in The Anti-Pope’s hand starts to glow, fire starts to surround The Anti-Pope, his clothes and face burn away to show who This Anti-Pope was, Father James Mitchell”*

Father James Mitchell: OH I do love it when I make a good deal! I’ve been seeking for this cursed Dusty Rhodes book for years and now I own it! OH THE POWER THAT I FEEL WITHIN THIS BOOK!

Rosemary (gets up slowly, runs to Mike Check and grabs him by the chest): That’s *points to The Dusty Rhodes book* the Dusty Rhodes book! YOU HAD IT THE ENTIRE TIME?!

Mike Check: Honestly Rosemary that’s not the question I have. What I want to know is why is the station manager of WVUDU is doing here?

 

..AND NOW. ON THE MIKE CHECK SHOW:

Rosemary (grabs Mike Check by the shirt): YOU HAD THE BOOK THE ENTIRE TIME!!! AND YOU DIDN’T TELL US!!!

Mike Check: Well how I was supposed to know that there there book was your mystical doo-dad that you wanted? Brad gave me that book years ago as one of them there Christmas joke presents. Like I was supposed to take him seriously with that! Muh-heh! Muh-heh! Getting some stupid advice on how to do my job with a book. I have more radio experience in one of my pinkies than–

“The Sinister Minister” James Mitchell: ENOUGH!

*James Mitchell shoots a magical bolt at Rosemary knocking off her feet*

Mike Check: Your not supposed to do that to a filly! You look like that radio station manager that was my boss at WVUDU?

Father James Mitchell: Well I’m glad that you remember me Michael because I was in fact your boss. In fact I have been a big fan of yours for years! When I heard you back in your days as WHMR–

Mike Check: Ah yes! The Hamdinger!

Father James Mitchell: Yes. When I heard you on The Hamdinger, I knew I had to have you working at my radio station. When you left your previous station, I hired you immediately! I even tried to make you happy by agreeing for you to date our voodoo witch Sue Young. Somehow you got poor Sue killed! So I had to fire you, along with the sexual misconduct, laziness, general stupidity, and other reasons. Then when I realized is that, although you may be a horrible employee, you’re a great radio man! Any place I found you working of course I had to listen! Your time on WTKO was…Legendary! Even when you were on that Wrestlecrap Radio Podcast with your “WWCR” gimmick, oh the sheer brilliance of it all!

Mike Check: What’s a podcast?

Father James Mitchell: And then! You started this radio station! I could listen to you anytime I wanted and was able to be satisfied!

*Rosemary tries to get up but “The Sinister Minister” James Mitchell shoots another magic bolt to slam her to the ground*

Father James Mitchell: AND STAY DOWN!

Mike Check: But why here? Why now?

Father James Mitchell: Oh Michael. I would gladly love to enjoy you from far away but when I heard of you talking about this, (*Holds up The CURSED Dusty Rhodes Book*) I knew through my various deals that this was the EXACT book I was looking for. Coming here as myself would pose a problem, but then I remembered that weird thing you did with some “Anti-Pope” guy. So I would come here, dressed up as him, get your trust, and get the book from you!

*Mike Check’s Daughter staggers into the room*

Mike’s Daughter: Ugh! My head. What the hell?! What’s James Mitchell doing here?

Father James Mitchell: Whose the whore Michael?

Mike Check: What did you call my daughter?!

Father James Mitchell: Oh no matter. First I’ll take care of this wanna be Living Dead Girl, then I’ll go after the whore next!

The Rising Sun by CFO$

Mike Check: Darlin’?

Mike’s Daughter: Yeah Dad?

Mike Check: What were you doing?

Mike’s Daughter: Bouncing? Guys like it when I bounce.

Mike Check: No one is going to see that! Also you nearly got me in trouble with yesterday’s song with some of the language in that whatever you called it! I’m beginning to regret this decision that I made here with you taking over if I’m gone. I wonder if I can get Penny Simpson back? We can bring back “The Penny Cillin Show?”

Mike’s Daughter: DAD! I got today’s song and you’ll really like it.

Mike Check: Oh?

Mike’s Daughter: You play a lot of pro wrestling music right?

Mike Check: Yes I learned back in my WTKO days with the WWF that music plays well in the market. Especially with most music done by that Rick Derringer and Jim Johnson fellers.

Mike’s Daughter: Rick Derringer hasn’t done music with “WWF” since “The Wrestling Album” and Jim Johnson hasn’t done a lot of music for WWE since he was fired a few years back. Instead WWE hired a couple of music producers that does all the wrestler’s theme music and they called themselves “CFO$” and today I’m going to play one of their songs that definitely plays well in your market.

Mick Check: And what is this song called?

Mike’s Daughter: Its called “The Rising Son”. It was Number 1 in iTunes.

Mike Check: And what pray tell is an “iTunes”?

Mike’s Daughter: Just listen to the song here on, The Macker?

Let’s Start The New Year Right by Bing Crosby

Mike Check: Weell hello there fellers! Let’s hope that 2018 is a better year for ole Mike since 2017 was a disaster, let me tell you. We had our radio station almost taken from us, then bought back by SAM, then almost taken away again. Not to mention facing brink of going to hell…twice…literally. Yes, we have definitely fallen on some hard times here on the Mike Check Show, which is why I had to resort to selling Christmas trees to make some dough last month…

Mike’s Daughter: Wait? I thought that we were supposed to keep that Christmas tree ‘side business’ a secret, dad? …Oh wait. *sigh* you told RD and Blade about it on Wrestlecrap Radio’s Christmas podcast, didn’t you?

Mike Check: Yes, don’t remind me. And ole Mike got some of that mace in my eyes from this pretty filly, I think her name was Sue, because she misunderstood my “Bald Cypress” reference?

Mike’s daughter: Yeah, you have to stop pissing off women named “Sue”.

Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that reference there darlin’?

Mike’s daughter: You know, as in “Suzie Shuffle”; your old weather girl that almost got our show cancelled…twice?

Mike Check: When was that?

Mike’s daughter: *sigh* Never mind (*changes subject*)…But, hey I have an idea…RD and Blade started a Patreon site to raise some money? Perhaps I could start up a Patreon site to help us?

Mike Check: Don’t be silly there darlin, how’s that Mexican wrestler from TNA’s eyesight gonna help us?

Mike’s Daughter: I said Patreon, not El Patron! Geeze!

Mike Check: Don’t get cranky there darlin’ or I might rethink my nice surprise that I have for you tomorrow here on KMCR?

Mike’s Daughter: Surprise? Well this could either go good or bad? But why for me?

Mike Check: Because there darlin, ole Mike wants to “Start The New Year Right” here before the Martians soon enslave us all here on…THE MACKER!

Leave It by Yes

Mike’s Daughter: Dad I know we’re in big trouble with our finances as of late but people are messaging me like hell on Facebook asking if you had any connection with Lance Catamaran? Is that true?

Mike Check: Lance…Catamaran? Name doesn’t ring a bell Darlin’?

Mike’s Daughter: Let me see if I can help. WWE recently found a lost VHS tape of a wrestling promotion called “Southpaw Regional Wrestling” and there’s this commentator named Lance Catamaran. Now Lance keeps repeating of a job that he had in Utica, New York as a newscaster. Does that help?

Mike Check: Hrm. Utica did you say?

Mike’s Daughter: Yes Utica.

Mike Check: I don’t remember any Lance Catmandu but I do remember working in the Utica Market. I stayed in the New York area after I was let go from WTKO in Ithaca, that’s where I did “The Bob & Weave Show” and one of the places I landed was a radio station in the Utica area. Shortly afterwards the radio station merged with a local Utica TV Station WUTR. I was doing my usual Sunday Information Radio show as there as Mike Check, one of the few times I actually used my given name and I thought I keep the name of the show somewhat regional because I thought it would play well in our market & I called it “Here’s Looking At YOU-tica Kid!”

*Mike’s Daughter groans*

Mike Check: Anyways since the TV People and the Radio people shared the same building and occasionally we would meet in the cafeteria to have breaks, lunches, and what not. Usually the TV people and the Radio people don’t really get along. The TV people were always so high and snooty because they can get seen and heard while calling Radio “TV for ugly people”. I showed a few of those TV people what Radio was for if you know what I mean there Darlin’! Funny thing was this weird kid just started off as a TV newscaster wanted to hang around me a lot to know the Radio business.

Mike’s Daughter: That must be Lance Catamaran!

Mike Check: No. The kid’s name was…Larry if I’m right?

Mike’s Daughter: Larry?!? That doesn’t sound like a news casting sort of name.

Mike Check: You starting to sound like RJ and Brad there always interrupting my stories there Darlin’. Larry asked all sorts of questions about the Radio business and I was slowly mentoring him in a way that Walter Cronkite mentored me. One day Larry came up to me asking advice how to get this particular filly so I gave him some advice.

Mike’s Daughter: So what happened next?

Mike Check: He never showed back to work again. I heard he was fired for harassing a filly, he kept muttering saying he wanted to do a “Buffalo Nickelback” on her. I’m not sure I understood that particular reference there. Its too bad he was gone; that kid wanted to partner up with me and expand my Sunday show to also cover the Buffalo and Springfield area, he wanted to call it The Buffalo-Springfield Hour or “The BS Hour” for short.

Mike’s Daughter: But Dad, “Larry” could possibly be Lance Catamaran?

Mike Check: Nah leave it there Darlin’. He could had change his name into someone else as far I know.

(Editor’s Note: Based on an idea by Sean Bateman)

What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes

(*phone rings*)

Mike Check: KMCR. Mike Check speaking?

R.V.M Kai: What’s going on Mike? About a year ago I almost closed this show down because of your idiocy, and then you had to…? Look, I’m just calling to tell you that I have tried to convince my colleagues Premier Blah and Raging_Demons into letting your show back on the air because something tells me that you may not be guilty this time. I have reviewed yesterday’s audio that offended Suzie Shuffle and I don’t even don’t know what to think of it? I mean, you’re not the most politically correct guy in the world, but acting like a complete “troll” is not like you? It doesn’t make sense that you could speak in a demonic voice and then tell your listeners to worship Satan? “What’s Up” with that?

Mike Check: I don’t either know there feller? Ole Mike was possessed, let me tell you.

R.V.M Kai: Yeah, whatever? Oh, and I just wanted to tell you to not to worry about looking for that Ninja Turtles CD anymore. I’ve just been informed that, although we’re still letting you have the show for now, you will have to pay back what you embezzled from Premier Blah by the end of the month or he wants 100% of the shares in The Mike Check Show. See ya. (*hangs up phone*)

Mike’s Daughter (*walks into room*): What’s Up Dad?

Mike Check: That feller from Down under says that they want us to pay up in full or Premier Blake will take over KMCR by the end of March. What are we gonna do?

Mike’s Daughter: (*sigh*) Crap! Looks like that I have to work double the poles at work now?

Mike Check: It’s good what you do for the Polish after what they have been through.

Mike’s Daughter: Uh? Yeah? Those poles?

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