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Chase The Devil by Max Romeo

STAN (*still possessing Triple H’s body*): There’s nothing on the whole planet earth-ah that can defeat me and my son Damien-ah! Now, stop delaying the inevitable and hand over your souls like you should have done seven months ago-ah!

Mike Check: Okay fellers, you win.

Mike’s Daughter: No! D–(*interrupted as she sees a huge beam of light outside the window*): Dad! There’s a huge object hovering above out house! Is it a UFO?

(*A Martian transports, Star Trek style, into Mike’s House*):

Kimar: Greetings Earthlings. I am Kimar, leader of the planet Mars.

Mike’s Daughter: Oh no! Martians?! Look we’re sorry that we accidentally killed your people with that Slim Whitman song during Halloween Hootenanny last year, but we had an annoying Zombie problem and now we have a bit of a–

Kimar: Do not fear earth woman. The “so called” Martians that you had massacred, one of your earth years ago, were members of the Mazi rebel forces that we were fighting in the Great Martian War. Actually, we have come in gratitude for you helping us finding the method in defeating them with the unusual sound that you call “music”. You see, the rebels are a race that are hypersensitive to such sounds. Sounds in which have never been heard on my planet until our radio waves picked up an earth signal of something you call “The Mike Check Show”. Since the war ended, listening to “The Mike Check Show” has become the most popular pastime on Mars–

STAN: What has this story got to do with anything-ah? Now will you go away-ah! My son Damien and I-ah are trying to take over the Earth-ah!

Kimar: Ha Ha Ha. The Demon they call “STAN”; your evil powers are no match for my Martian Ray Gun. And that’s why we have come, we wish to display our Martian gratitude to the earthling they call “Mike Check” by assisting him in defeating his worst enemy.

Mike Check: So you fellers have killed Ringo Starr? It’s about time, let me tell you.

Kimar: Your Earthling sense of humor confuses me? No, we are here to take the Demon, you call STAN, prisoner!

Damien: You think my Dad is scared of your little pop gun? Why…(*Kimar shoots STAN*)…What the F–

(*STAN’s essence leaves Triple H’s Body*)

Triple H (*un-possessed*): What happened-ah? (*looks around*) Where the hell am I? This is not Stamford, Connecticut?!

(*Damien sets the top of Triple H’s head on fire and he runs out of Mike’s House screaming*)

STAN: If you think what my son just did to Triple H was “Hot”, now that you have just released me into my true form, not only can I now finally stop annoyingly saying “ah” after ever fricken sentence, I also now possess the full evil power to…(*STAN and Damien are enclosed in a glass prison like structure that rapidly shrinks*)…Wait?! What’s happening to me?! what are you doing to us?! Let us out!

Kimar: You have both just been imprisoned in a structure, we call “The Phantom Zone”, in which no force in the Galaxy can escape from. And to make sure that you can do no harm to these earthlings, we will transport you into deep space and leave you floating there for 1000 years.

Mike’s Daughter: Like something like General Zod in Superman II?

Kimar: I’m not sure who this Super General who you refer to?…But Farewell Mike Check and daughter. In five months we shall return for you (*points at Mike*).

Mike Check: Me?

Mike’s Daughter: But! Why?!

(*Kimar beams out, with STAN and Damien immediately, giving no reply*)

Mike’s Daughter: But!? But!? Ah, whatever? Just play a song.

Mike Check: Weeelll. Yes. And let’s end today with the appropriately titled song; “Chase The Devil” by Max Romeo, here on…THE MACKER!

Take The Devil Out Of Me by George Jones

STAN/Triple H: Today’s the day that me and my son Damien-ah take you—

(*STAN is interrupted as the front door of The Mike Check house gets punched through as Robocop enters Mike’s house*)

Robocop: Dead or alive, you’re coming with me, Hunter Hearst Helmsley!

Mike’s Daughter: Actually Robocop, that’s not Triple H…well technically it is, but STAN: The Evil Troll Lord has possessed Triple H’s body.

Robocop: Acknowledged Maam, but I’m no longer Robocop. I’m now known as “C.S. Robocop”. After my life was ended by The Ratings Reaper, The Trolla Corporation recovered my brain and used it to refurbish a half damaged Robocop, thus turning me into a new and improved bionic crime fighting machine.

Mike’s Daughter: But what’s the difference anyway?

C.S. Robocop: (*points to STAN*) Well, you could say: unlike that creep from hot fires of hell, I’m…(*puts on sunglasses*)…A LOT COOLER.

STAN/Triple H: Dammit-ah! I thought that Triple H buried your ass in Detroit a few months a…(*STAN’s personality suddenly changes*)…Help! It’s me, Triple H-ah. I’m sorry for trying to bury you Robocop, but would you please help “Take The Devil Out Of Me-ah”!

C.S. Robocop: Citizen. I’ll see what I can d…(*C.S. Robocop is suddenly struck by lighting*)

Mike Check: OH?! What in sam hill just happened there?!?!

STAN/Triple H: Bwhahahah! Thanks Damien, my son. That bionic fool just fell for my swerve once again. Well let’s just say; I’d buy that for a dollar-ah! Bwhahahah!…(*awkward silence*) Really-ah?! Why doesn’t my music play after my one-liner-ah?!

Mike’s Daughter: Because it made no sense you asshole!

Damien: Well, what does make sense is that Robocop has finally been destroyed for good thanks to my “fire and fury”! Bwhahaha!…(*awkward silence*) Really, no cool music for me either?! Whatever, President Trump used it, so it’s cool as far as I’m concerned! *sigh* (*To STAN*) Father, I’m starting to get tired of toying around with these infidels! When can—

STAN/Triple H: Patience son—

Damien: (*stamps his feet*) Aw, but I want to take them to back hell, now!

Triple H: Okay, okay, tomorrow-ah, I promise-ah! (*to Mike Check*) So today, I suggest that you play one last song Mike-ah?!

Mike Check: Well I hope you fellers like this George Jones song, and pray that Jesus “Take The Devil Out Of”…THE MACKER!

Burn In Hell by Twisted Sister

Mike’s Daughter: STAN…Triple H…or whoever you are? Wait! Before you take us to hell, could you at least explain why you possessed Triple H’s body?

Triple H (*who is still possessed by STAN*): Well you see-ah, a few months ago, Triple H-ah needed some help preventing The Ratings Reaper from cancelling WWE 205 Live due to its low ratings-ah. I did this by persuading the Ratings Reaper to cease if he would lend Triple H his robe and staff-ah. You see-ah, The Ratings Reaper was unhappy that the Trolla Corporation was resurrecting C.S Irwin into a bionic crime fighter C.S Robocop-ah. Anyway, Triple H ambushed Robocop by dressing as The Ratings Reaper at a Detroit press conference and then smashed him with his sledgehammer-ah. But little did Triple H know is that I also had secretly swerved him by telling The Ratings Reaper to cancel WWE NXT instead-ah.

Mike’s Daughter: NXT, cancelled? But I never heard anything about…

STAN/Triple H: Oh yes, that’s because Triple H became desperate and did a deal with me to save his NXT brand-ah by promising to give Enzo Amore a title push on 205 Live so I would quickly reinstate NXT before the news got leaked on the Internet-ah. But what Mr. Levesque didn’t bargain for was that I then possessed his body-ah. And I was able to work my way back here by sending my son Damien here to terrorize you until I, posing as “The Game”, came here to supposedly “save the day-ah”. So now that I have returned, I have come to take you and your geriatric father back with me to hell-ah…but I was also thinking, while I’m in this body, that I will also fire all the ugly woman that Triple H hired for the Women’s division and the Mae Young classic, and forcing the few of the hot chicks that are left to join my “SUCK IT” club…if you know what I mean-ah?

Mike’s Daughter: Joining the “Suck It Club”? Sadly…yes I do know.

STAN: Huh?!

Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that particular reference there–

Mike’s Daughter: Never-mind–

Damien (*getting impatient*): Enough with the ‘Rated R’ talk! Father, when are we possessing these fools already?!

STAN: Patience son-ah. Mike Check and daughter will “Burn In Hell” soon enough-ah! bwhahahaha!

King Of Kings / Hellraiser by Motörhead

Damien: Mike Check, your time on this earth is short and I’m getting bored of toying with you! But soon, my father co–

(*Unknown voice from a distance*): Not so fast-ah!

Mike’s Daughter: Triple H?

Triple H: That’s right-ah! Behold, I am “The King of Kings” Triple H-ah and I’ve come here to Folsom to bury-ah Damian; the spawn of Stan-AH!

Damien *scared and on his knees*: Please don’t hurt me Triple H?! I’m just a poor little little boy. It was all my father’s fault!

Mike’s Daughter (*to Mike Check*): Wow. Why is Damien so scared of Triple H?

Mike Check: (*to his daughter*) I don’t understand anything that goes on around here darlin?

Triple H (*to Damien*): You’re damn right this is your father’s fault-ah! And you wanna know why?!

Damien: (*his frown turns into a grin*): Yes…father. (*bows and starts speaking in tongues*)

Mike’s Daughter: Father?! Wait what’s going on here?!

Triple H (*looks at Mike and his daughter and his eyes turn fiery red*): Were you expecting someone else-ah? Do you recognize me Mike-ah?

Mike Check: Yes feller. You’re Triple A? And you have a nasty case of Pink-eye, perhaps you should see a doctor about that?

Triple H: Really Mike? Pink eye-ah? My eyes are the color of the fires of hell-ah! But yes-ah, the body that I possess is that of WWE’s COO Triple H-ah but do you remember who I really am-ah?!

(*Mike Check pauses and scratches his head*)

Mike’s Daughter (*face-palms*): Dad! It’s STAN: The Evil Troll Lord! (*to the possessed Triple H*) And you asshole, you know full well that you’re not allowed to be here ever since you lost our song battle back in April!

Triple H/STAN: Have you ever known me to play by the rules-ah! Just like my possessed body would say: ‘I am The Game and I make the rules’!

Mike’s Daughter: I don’t think he actually ever said that? That was a line from his theme by Motorh–

Triple H/STAN (*interrupts*): Whatever?! That’s not important-ah! But what is important is that I’m here now to finish what I started and that’s to take your souls-ah! Isn’t that right Damian my son my son-ah?

Damian: (*gets up and stands next to STAN*) That’s right, father! Let’s raise Hell! Bwhahaha!

Mike’s Daughter (*gulps*): Oh crap!

Please Be Patient by Feist/The Game by Drowning Pool

Mike’s Daughter (yawns): OH crap! I forgot my phone! Its easy to forget things when your trying to drink away Dad’s latest embarrassment. Where is it? *searches* Oh there it is!

Mike’s Daughter: I’M…STILL ON HOLD?!? How in the hell am I still on hold?!? Its feel like I’ve been on hold for at least a few days! Maybe watching some more TV will kill time.
(*turns on TV to the local news*)

– – – –
Newsperson 1: With the reports of Saudi Arabia making their own Robocop, a lot of citizens in the United States are not happy about this.

Newsperson 2:Especially in the Detroit area since they have their own Robocop in the area before Saudi Arabia did. Lets go live on the scene with Chet Udontbetcha. Chet?

Chet Udontbetcha: I’m here in Detroit where the Detroit PD is about to have a press conference with something that looks like a metal man. Looks like the Police Chief is about to speak.

Police Chief: We hear in the Detroit PD are angry that-that land of whatever is stealing OUR credit! We have our own Robocop for years! In fact Robocop has a few words for you!

*Robocop walks up to the stage*

Robocop: CITIZENS OF DETRIOT! STAY–

*Robocop glitches into CS Irwin*

CS Irwin:..out of trouble.

Police Chief (clapping): Yes! yes! *whispering loudly to someone backstage* I thought you fixed that?!? Ladies and–What is that?!?

Chet Udontbetcha: Wellll after that there’s a huge pile of smoke that’s appearing out of nowhere! Someone is coming out of it! Its some…thing. OH MY GOD! ITS THE GRIM REAPER!!! HE’S GOING TO KILL US ALL! WAIT! HE’S TAKING OFF HIS HOOD! ITS–ITS–WWE Superstar Triple H?!? Triple H is pointing his scythe which is firing something at Robocop! HE’S DOWN! ROBOCOP’S DOWN! Now Triple H is walking over to the fallen Robocop. Triple H is saying–something to Robocop that we in the audience can’t hear. WAIT! Triple H is about to say something.

Triple H: Listen up old man! I AM THE GAME AND I AM THAT…DAMN…GOOD!!!

– – – –

Mike’s Daughter (shutting off TV): God damn it! Does Triple H has to do stupid stuff like this to put himself over?!?

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