Damien: While I’m here Mike Check, I wanna make your house into my personal playground! But where are all the mortal children for me to play with?!
Mike Check: Well there little feller, although Mike has allegedly many…many…many…many children out there, my only child here is my daughter, and you can’t play with her since she’s…
Mike’s daughter: Dad! Don’t! It’s rude to talk about a woman’s age!
Mike Check: Weeelll uh…?
Damien: No! I don’t want to play with that hag! I wanna invite some children over!
(*knock at the door*)
Mike Check: I’ll get it. (*walks over to and open the front door and sees Jake Lloyd Jr. standing there*) Why hello there…wait, you better not kick me in ‘the jimmy’ Jack Lord Junior like you keep doin’ to me ever since we first met at that Star Wars convention?
Jake Lloyd Jr: No. A kid tweeted me to meet him here so we could play Star Wars! Where is he?
Damien: Over here!
Jake Lloyd Jr: Wait?! You’re that kid who’s dad possessed my dad, Jake Lloyd, to get all those drink driving arrests?!
Damien: I’m sorry about that Jake. Don’t you want to play a game with me?
Jake Lloyd Jr: No! I hate you! You’re worse than Darth Vader and Kylo Ren put together!
Damien: But but?! Don’t you wanna play a game called “Roshambo”?!
Jake Lloyd Jr: Well no but…how did you know that is my favorite game?
Damien: It’s my favorite game too. Oh, but since you still hate me, why don’t you go first?
Mike Check: I don’t get your particular reference there kids? What’s “Roshambo”?
Damien: Well, Jake will kick me in the testicles first really hard and then it’s my turn to–
(*Jake Lloyd Jr wastes no time as he immediately kicks Damien in the testicles before he finishes his sentence but his shoe catches fire*)
Jake Lloyd Jr: Aghhh! My foot’s on fire! (*quickly throws his shoe away and runs off*) Daddy! Help! (*gets into his father’s car and speeds away*)
Damien: “Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!” Bye Bye Jake!
Mike Check: Nope. If this is your way of requesting Jerry Lee Lewis here today, then don’t bother! Because you “Children Of The Damned” are only going to hear Iron Maiden here on…THE MACKER!
Damien: Who said anything about…?
Mike’s daughter: It’s a long story. Don’t bother.
Damien: Whatever. But here’s a story; Did you know that I was the one who inspired Vince McMahon to call one of his WWE special events that earlier in the year?
Mike’s Daughter (*sigh*): Why am I not suprised?
Mike Check: I have to get ready for today’s Olympic song here. Got to show the loyalty for the good ole U.S.A. Oh I almost forgot! RJ & Brad are on, let me get that their doohickey there.
*Mike Check grabs the “pirated broadcast” of Wrestlecrap Radio and gets to the part where Blade continues to rant on “Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of The Clones.”*
Mike Check: Oh dear god! That’s not the way to create great radio. I got to save the show once again here.
*While Mike Check calls in on today’s episode of Wrestlecrap Radio, Mike Check’s daughter leaves her room in a groggy state*
Mike Check’s Daughter: What is going on here with all the nerd fighting I hear for no good reason? I haven’t heard this much complaining since that one nerd wanted to pay me in those Exodia whatever to sleep with me. He said there were worth a lot of money. Yeah right!
Mike Check (on the phone): My daughter made those, and I’m not sure if I ever told you about that. She’s kinda a whiz kid, she did that on the computer.
Mike Check’s Daughter: Dad’s talking about me again? Hate to brag with all the Master’s degrees that I have. Let me just snoop in here…
Mike Check (on the phone): I like–I like to think that’s an added feature that she put in–
Mike Check’s Daughter (whispering to herself): Added feature?
Mike Check (on the phone): WELL look at Brad at being so smart. Of course that’s why she did it Brad!
Mike Check’s Daughter (whispering to herself): Oh no! *groaning* Dad’s calling in to RD Reynolds & Blade Braxton again! Why tell me why is he keep calling in to those two?!? Like I need Blade to call me a whore for the millionth time. Time to go grab some food.
*Few minutes went by while Mike Check’s Daughter went into the kitchen and back to get some food*
Mike Check (On the phone): I called my show “The Raleigh Fingers Afternoon Mustache Ride”
Mike Check’s Daughter (in shock): What the–?!?
Mike Check (on the phone): Sadly that-uh that didn’t last. Apparently that term is-uh something some can consider offensive. I’m not aware of that particular reference there.
Mike Check’s Daughter (Whispering to herself): Yeah right! Especially after everybody saw you doing it with that British chick.
Mike Check (On the phone): There was also uh-uh Rollie Fingers that’s who I guess is a pitcher. He sent the station a cease and desist letter…Not sure I understand that particular reference there Brad.
Mike Check’s Daughter (Whispering to herself): OK time to go back to my room. Too much more stuff that’s being added to the stuff of nightmares.
*Mike Check’s Daughter returns back to her room for a good night sleep*
Mike Check (on the phone): On that note-uh. I think we need to a little baseball tie-in there this week. Those guys out there they got there baseball bats like John Anderson. HE’S JUST A SWINGIN’ HERE ON THE WACKER!!!
Mike Check: Another show saved with enough time to get today’s Olympic song ready.
Foley (on cellphone): Uh-huh. Its like the weirdest thing. Here he is out of nowhere trying to talk to Mike Check–the guy that I’m doing this show for. Yeah so anyways here he is trying to “apologize” for whatever then Mike Check just kicks him in the balls, THEN his kid shows up. I try to break things up with the kid but the brat just bit me! Then he tears up the place. If it wasn’t fur Hughie then I don’t know what would happen. I know-I know taking the kids on tour isn’t a bright idea but since Noelle is coming soon for the show I thought a little family get together would be fun. Uh-huh. Okay, love you too. Bye. *hangs up cellphone*
Mike Check: Who was that you were you talking to Rick?
Foley: That was my wife on the phone. After that whole mess from yesterday she notified me that Jake Lloyd Sr. broke out of a psychiatric facility somewhere in South Carolina. He was in there because starring in “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” literally made him mentally insane! Just recently he broke out of that mental institution he was in, kidnapped his son out of a legal institution of his own getting ready to be adopted since he’s mentally unfit to take care of his son, and came here! And I thought some of the stuff that I did back in the day didn’t make any sense! I called the cops so they can get Father & Son out of here but the weirdest thing is after I told them where I was they laughed at me & gave me some phone numbers for a free clinic in the area which I though was rather odd?
Mike Check: Yeah the cops are pretty weird here.
Foley: Mike I have to say this. From one father to another and since we’ve heard and unfortunately seen your *cough* “exploits” since my daughter is coming here. If you do anything inappropriate to her; I won’t be held responsible for my actions.
Mike Check: I’m not sure I that understand that particular reference there Rick?
Foley: All right moving on now. Today’s guest has come all the way from Japan, a place dear to my heart for those infamous exploding barbwire matches I had with Terry Funk. We have also set up a ring surrounded by C-4 explosives right here in the studio for no apparent reason.
Mike Check: That looks a tad dangerous there Rick?
Foley: Ha Ha Ha, never-mind that Mike. Do you recognize this voice?
???: Check-san! You dishonor me with shame! Now I revenge get!
Mike Check: I’m not sure I…?
Foley: It’s one of your former radio co-hosts; Chin Shima!
Mike Check: That’s right. I remember this feller when we used to work the Yokohama, Japan market. I went under the name “Johnny Hero” and we were the “The Hero Shima Show”.
Chin Shima: You dishonor with shame Check-san for call me Chin Shima”! Real name Jimichiro Rosshu, one of 40 assistant manager of Fukya Selfu Robotics, also former All-Japan Puroresu number 1 announcer and cousin to redneck Angry Jim-san; who English commentary provide for inferior promotion New Japan! And Check-san, you bring dishonor for always dirty boot wearing in house! Then bring anger and shame to Jimichiro after have us fire at radio station for make disrespect!
Mike Check: I’m not sure what particular reference you’re making there feller? But are you talking about the time we had those wrestling tag-team fillies from All-Japan called “The Jumping Bomb Angels” on the show? I’m not quite sure what I said that was offensive about: “How about you fine bombs make like WW2 and jump on Hero n’ Shima”. It got us fired and ole Mike deported and blacklisted…but I’m glad that I can laugh about it now.
Chin Shima a.k.a. Jimichiro Rosshu: Aghhh! Laugh about!? You dishonor all Japan with bombing war comment of disrespect! It your fault Check-san that wife filled with shame and stop sex date since many year with Jimichiro! I now revenge have and choppy choppy Mike-san pee-pee with Katana!
Ringo: (*walks in*) Mick, was I supposed to be the guest again today?…
Jimichiro Rosshu: (*looks over to Ringo and calms down*) Ringo Starr-san from Beatle that is you?
Ringo: Yes chap, would you be a fan?
Jimichiro Rosshu: (*now happy*) Hai. Use to sing Beatle song when wife have sex date regular until she cheat with drummer bakka…(*stares more closely at Ringo and becomes angry again*) That you leave wet drumstick at Jimichiro house front Genkan! You also bring disgrace Jimichiro with more dishonor!
Foley: Hold on guys, there’s C-4 around the place, so don’t…
Jimichiro Rosshu: (*not paying attention to Foley*) Aghhh! Now choppy choppy YOUR pee-pee! (*Jimichiro runs with his Katana towards Ringo but accidentally steps on a hidden C-4 bomb and explodes*)
Foley: Ah, Medic! …Well here’s a song by an American band who were also a big hit in Japan, no pun intended, it’s “Cherry Bomb” by The Runaways here on MIKE CHECK: THIS IS YOUR LIFE!
Foley: OK our next guest should be coming up shortly–
*Door opens and an unknown person walks in*
???: Excuse me. Whoops didn’t know that there was something going on here. I’ll show myself the way out–Hey aren’t you Mick Foley?!?
Foley: That’s me…right here in Folsom California! *thumbs up, cheap pop*
???: What are you doing here?
Foley: I owe something to this guy here named Mike Check so we are doing a “This Is Your Life” show all about him.
???: Mike Check? Funny I’m here to see him about something.
Mike Check: Hope your not a bill collector there feller.
Jake Lloyd Sr: No not exactly. My name is Jake Lloyd. Last year I kind of had a self-destructive path going on in my life that I decided to go out on a three week binger across the states. I dropped my son somewhere here in Folsom as a tip to some skanky stripper and took off. Unfortunately for me I ended up arrested in Charleston, South Carolina for getting myself in a high-speed car chase.
Mike Check: Jake…Lloyd. Why does that name sound familiar?
Mike Check’s Daughter: I know! That’s the brat Jake Lloyd Jr’s dad! The kid that used your crotch Dad as a kicking bag and ruined a few of my good custom bras! You know how much it costs to get a custom bra? A lot of money Mick! A lot!
Jake Lloyd Sr.: I’m sorry for what my kid did to your home, your bras and *cough* your crotch there sir. My kid has always been a precocious type of child. I was not like that myself at Jake’s age and I was in “Jingle All The Way” instead. After I got myself out of jail I lost custody of my son while he was placed in a new home. I fought long and hard through the courts to get my son back and I just want to say…I’m sorry for what my son did and thank you for taking care of him.
Mike Check: Sorry huh? Here’s what I think about your apology!
Jake Lloyd Sr.: Wait! What are you doing?!?
*Mike Check kicks Jake Lloyd Sr. in the crotch*
Mike Check: That’s for all the times your son kicked me in the family jewels! And here’s for the time your kid spent his time here in my home! *Mike Check kicks Jake Lloyd Sr. in the crotch again* And here’s for that time I was forced to wear that metal bikini! Do you know how much that thing chaffs? *Kicks Jake Lloyd Sr. in the crotch again*
*Jake Lloyd Jr. enters the Mike Check Home*
Jake Lloyd Jr: Daddy I got bored of waiting so I thought I come in and–*Sees Mike Check kicking his dad Jake Lloyd Sr in the crotch repeatedly* What are you weirdos doing to my daddy?!?
Jake Lloyd Sr: (barely speaking): Avenge me my son. The Force is strong within our family. *Jake Lloyd Sr passes out*
Jake Lloyd Jr (crying): I’ll hurt you weirdos for what you did to my daddy! *Jake Lloyd Jr charges at Mike Check but Mick Foley picks him up*
Foley: Easy there kid. I know what Mike Check did to your daddy is not right and all– *Jake Lloyd Jr bites Mick Foley thus forcing to drop him*
Foley: OW! Why I oughta!
Mike Check’s Daughter: Jake Lloyd Jr is a problem child Mick! You can’t control him!
*Jake Lloyd Jr starts throwing random stuff at everybody in the house*
Mike Check: He’s a little holy terror that’s what he is! *ducks*
Foley: *ducks* Wait! Wait! I know John Cena Jake! You want to meet him?
Jake Lloyd Jr (dropping what he was about to throw): You know John Cena? YIPPEE!!! Can I meet him?!?
Foley: Sure. Just let me get my phone rreeaall….ssllloowwllyy and nnoooww–HUGHIE!
*Hughie Foley, Mick Foley’s youngest child comes out, ambushes Jake Lloyd Jr and gives him his own version of The Socko Claw until he passes out*
Foley: Like father, like son!
Mick and Hughie Foley: Bang! Bang!