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Interstellar Overdrive by Pink Floyd / Slime Creatures from Outer Space by “Weird Al” Yankovic

During another Halloween Hootenanny. My Martian friends returned to Earth to learn about Halloween and “Trick Or Treating”. And who better to learn them from than the ghost of Roddy Rowdy?

Mike Check: Well Roddy Rowdy? We’re all wearing neon because it’s dark outside Mike Check HQ. So what’s your second Halloween Tip for these two Martian fellers?

Ghost of Roddy Piper: Well you see, you’re gonna have to take care of yourself when crossing the street because there’s idiots driving cars! Some of them don’t care! Some of those idiots are gonna run you over!

Checkdar (*doesn’t bother to finish listening to Piper finish his tip as he running across the street avoiding crazy drivers almost running him over*): Whoa! These Earth drivers are crazy! Why must Earthlings insist at traveling at the speed of “Interstellar Overdrive” on their primitive four wheel motor cars?

Ghost of Roddy Piper: That’s why…I’ll give you a bonus tip…look both ways before you cross the damn street!

Jimdar: Useless information! I have a better idea (*Jimdar crosses the road and a speeding car screeches to a halt right in from of him*)

“Idiot In Car”: Hey you freek! Get off the road you jerk!

Jimdar: Are those colorful metaphors you are using? Well Go Kcuf Yourself! (*blows up car with his ray gun*)

Mike’s daughter: Jimdar! You can’t do that sort of thing here!

Jimdar: I succeeded in crossing the road, did I not!? Ha! “Roads”! Such a primitive concept!

Mike Check: …Fascinating.

Mike Check: Well there Martian fellers, that first house you Trick Or Treated at was a disaster, but you seemed to manage to get some candy from some of the other neighbors after we were off the air. So Rowdy, what is your next Halloween tip there feller?

Ghost Of Roddy Piper: Now when ya get all ya candy, whatcha gonna do is ya gonna take ya candy back home before you eat it.

Jimdar: Why consume this desert; you call Candy, at home? Why cannot you consume it here immediately?

Mike’s daughter: Well, it’s a good tip for kids because it has been rumored that there have been some cases where people have poisoned or put Razor blades in—

Checkdar: Aaggghhh!

Mike’s daughter: What’s wrong Checkdar?

Checkdar: Do I have something in my teeth? (*opens mouth and there’s a razor blade wedged in his teeth*)

Mike’s daughter: Uh? Yes? Uh? I think you better see a doctor–

Jimdar: Agggh! What type of Kcufing Earth nincompoop would supply me with this round fruit covered in some red sticky substance! It tastes like some sort of “Slime Creature from Outer Space”?!

Piper: Ya know? That was probably a candy apple with the poison in it? Eh, why don’t ya send it to Vince McMahon, so you can look like Moolah?

Jimdar: Negative, this Earthling excrement containing Earth poison has no shape-shifting effect on me!

Checkdar: And who is this Meek Mahaan?! And why would this candy apple make him appear to shape-shift into a colloquialism for Earth currency?

Mike Check: Yes, I didn’t understand that particular reference there either?

Mike’s Daughter: *sigh* He was talking about…never mind! It was a joke anyway! Geez!

Viola Zombie by Michael Daugherty

Well fellers! During one of our “Halloween Hootenanny’s”, we here at The Mike Check Show has a mystery package delivered which turn out to be a pet Zombie. He was cute at first but really started to get on me and my daughter’s nerves when he wouldn’t stop talking about TNA, who did you fellers also know that ole Mike was a former WWCR Correspondent for? Well here’s also the time when Bookie Matt tried to help us get rid of him:

Zombie Nathaniel: Did you fix your computer problem yet because I want to hear a proper Jeff Hardy TNA theme NOW!–BRAINS!

Mike’s Daughter: Why don’t you just sh…(*stops as she sees a flying drone hovering outside the window*)…What’s that?!

Mike Check: Some kind of flying robot? Oh no!? The Martians are back?!

Mike’s Daughter: (*while walking over to window*) I don’t think so dad…(*opens window and the drone flies inside*)

Zombie Nathaniel: NO NO NO—BRAINS! Kill it–BRAINS! (*tries to swing at the drone with his Zombie claws*)

*A hologram of “Broken” Matt Hardy appears above the drone*

bmhhologram“Broken” Matt Hardy (*speaking via Vanguard One’s Hologram*): Brother Edward Rodham, I knew you’d come….to Meek Check’s humble abode. I am “Broken” Matt Hardy and I just had a premin-ee-tion that you were being a traitorous mule by attempting to terrorize Meek Check into exhibiting one of Brother Nero’s OBSOLETE songs of theme just like you did last week with the playing of tunes of the OBSOLETE Abyss of the Demonic Decay. So I have sent my loyal servant Vanguard One all the way from my compound in Cameron, North Carolina to scramble the signal and render you DEL-EE-TED!

Zombie Nathaniel: Boy Oh boy, Matt Hardy–BRAINS?! I’m a big fan…but I like your brother Jeff Hardy better because he’s The Charismatic Enigma, not “Brother Nero”–BRAINS. And I bet you can’t perform the Swanton like him, can ya, huh, huh–BRAINS?!

“Broken” Matt Hardy: You insult me with your blasphemous ignorance, Brother Edward Rodham! The name that you refer to as ‘Jeff Hardy’ is OBSOLETE and ‘Brother Nero’ is merely an empty vessel when compared to my broken brilliance. I have been blessed, by the seven deities, with magical abilities so powerful that I could not safely perform such a spot monkey maneuver without shattering all of space and time. But one ability that I WILL indulge in is to perform a classical piece on my Stradivarius, that was gifted to me by Antonio Stradivari himself in the 1700’s, and I have procured one such tune that will DEL-EE-TE your dilapidated ass!

Mike Check: Well which one might that be there feller?

“Broken” Matt Hardy: Ahhhhhh Yeeesss, Meek Check. The score that will render this decrepit erection OBSOLETE; is…Michael Daugherty’s “Viola Zombie”.

Mike’s Daughter: Okay, but this better work!

Zombie Nathaniel: Oh boy! My zombie stomach is aching–BRAINS!…But that’s due to 7 minutes of boredom–BRAINS! And…(*Nathaniel vomits a mustard like substance at Vanguard One*)

“Broken” Matt Hardy: Agggghhhhh!? Look what you did to my beloved Vanguard One! Is this vile substance Mustard?! I strongly dislike Mustard! Come, Vanguard One, fly back for cleaning post haste! And you Brother Edward Rodham, you are fortunate that my physical presence is absent inside Meek Check’s abode because I would eat your brains agaeein and agaeein and agaeein and agaeein! But mark my words, I soon will send my caretaker and General in the great war, Senor Benjamin, to prepare the battlefield for burial and then you will be OVAH! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! (*Vanguard One drone flies away*)

Mike Check: Fascinating.

Zombie Nathaniel: So can we play a Jeff hardy theme now–BRAINS?

Mike’s Daughter: Well, (*checks her computer*) I can’t even if I could because the files somehow have been…deleted?!

Zombie Nathaniel: Aaagghhh!! Now I’m getting mad–BRAINS!

The World May Not Like Me by Mike Angelo and The Idols (EXPLICIT) / Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin

Speaking of Mike Check Shows Forth year of Whackin’, did I tell you fellers about the time that Angry John almost got our show cancelled for playing an inappropriate song. It was darn lucky we were still allowed to continue, so ole Mike Check attempted to use the remainder of the month trying to play songs to turn John “happy”. Well…at least I tried:

Mike Check: Well my lawyers were a little upset that the Denis Leary song from yesterday wasn’t in fact censored, becuase this is a family show after all. And my daughter tells me, who is one hell of a whiz-kid let me tell you, has even censored your language since you’ve been on here this month.

Angry Jim: What the **** **** do you **** mean?! Go **** yourself!

Mike Check: Yep, she’s definitely a whiz-kid alright. So Jim, do you know something more appropriate for The Mike Check Show there?

Angry Jim: I know a song that was once covered by a rassler called “Rowdy” Roddy Piper!

Mike Check: Good Jim. That sounds better already and I seem to remember that I once played “For Everybody” by him a couple of years ago here on The Mike Check Show.

Angry Jim: Well Mike, you can shove your censorship up your *** with this:

Mike Check: Oh no, my lawyers are not going to like this one bit 😦

————————–

Mike Check: Well this the last day of “Four years of Whackin” Month, here on the Mike Check Show, with my special guest “Angry Jim”, thank god.

Angry Jim: Agh, Go **** yourself!

Mike Check: JIIIIM! Let me tell you….Wait I know one more song and if this does make you happy then nothing will. It’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin here on THE WHACKER!

Mike Check: So how about it Jim?

Angry Jim: Agh!…Ha Ha Ha. By Gawd that song makes it hard to be angry. Thank ya Mike for having me on as your guest. But before I go, I just want to say to your listeners that tomorrows are never guaranteed so live life today the best you possibly can and do something nice for someone that’s not expecting it. I know that’s just how I’m gonna live my life from this moment on.

Mike Check: Well, that just swell Jim. This is just like the time I worked in…

Angry Jim: Agh! Shut-up about your stupid boring stories about your *****ing markets! F*** you, your listeners and go blow it out your ass and go **** yourself!

Mike Check: ….(*sigh*) Fascinating! See you tomorrow fellers!

Flyin’ Saucer Boogie by Eddie Cletro

Mike Check: So what’s your last tip Rowdy Piper?

Ghost Of Roddy Piper (*frustrated*): I dunno if ya Martians are gonna follow my rules! So if ya don’t get any of my rules then ya’ll get this!….(*expression changes to a smile*) Well whatcha gonna do is you’re gonna have lots of fun and gonna say Happy Halloween and Trick or Treat. See ya next time. (*disappears into thin air*)

Mike’s daughter: Wait! Is that it? Roddy, come back?!

Jimdar: We have spent almost one Earth week here, and all we received was some useless advice about a stupid, stupid, Earth custom! We’re leaving now!

Checkdar: Jimdar, wait. I am sure that this Halloween has more to offer to suit our Martian people?

Jimdar: Like what?!

“Woken” Matt Hardy (*suddenly appears at Mike Check’s doorstep*): Ahhahahahah! Yeeeesssss! Did my ears deceive me or did I hear that you Martians wanting more enjoyment for your Halloweeeeeen experience?

Jimdar: No! Leave at once!

“Woken” Matt Hardy: Not until you have tried my “GREEN BEANS”! They are a delicacy!

Mike Check: Wookie Matt! I had a feeling you were in trouble?

Mike’s daughter: Wait? How are you Broken/Woken/Whatever Matt now?

“Woken” Matt Hardy: Alas MEEK CHECK and daughter with humongous mammary glands. I was under the influences of The Dark Tome that Dusty Rhodes once written but now that I’m away from its influences, I feel quite WON-DER-FUL! Yeeeesssss!

Mike Check: I’m not familiar with–

Checkdar: (*Takes a green bean from “Woken” Matt and eats it*) Hmmm. Our Mars children will surely enjoy these “green beans”.

Mike’s daughter: Uh? Really?

“Woken” Matt Hardy: That sounds absolutely DELIGHTFUL! Yeeeessss!

Jimdar: Negative, Mike Check’s daughter is correct. Our Martian children would want something more.

The Boogeyman (*suddenly arrives and breaks a clock over his head*): I’M THE BOOGEYMAN, AND I’M COMIN’ TO GETCHA…SOME WORMS! (*takes some worms out of mouth and gives one to Checkdar*)

Mike’s daughter: What’s going on?

Mike Check: Agghh darlin, it’s the Boogeyman!

Mike’s daughter: Where?

Mike Check: You still can’t see him there darlin’?

Checkdar: I am not certain that these earthworms are fit for consumption?

Jimdar: That is because you are a coward. Let me try one (*takes the worm and eats it*) Aaggh! These worms are…delicious!

Mike’s daughter: What?! (*almost vomiting*)

Jimdar: Affirmative. This is just what we need for our Martian children for Halloween! We’re leaving now! Go Kcuf yourselves!

Checkdar: Goodbye, Mike Check, daughter and guests. And our gratitude to this mythical creature, you call “Boogeyman”, we will now go home doing the “Flyin’ Saucer Boogie”…on THE MACKER!

Mike Check: Weeell that’s fascinating to hear. So goodbye there fellers. But are you fellers be coming back for Christmas?

Jimdar: Negative. We will attempt to abduct another ancient Earth man, you call “Santa Claus” to create toys for our Martian children!

Mike Check: Now where have I seen that before?

Slime Creatures from Outer Space by “Weird Al” Yankovic

Mike Check: Well there Martian fellers, that first house you Trick Or Treated at was a disaster, but you seemed to manage to get some candy from some of the other neighbors after we were off the air. So Rowdy, what is your next Halloween tip there feller?

Ghost Of Roddy Piper: Now when ya get all ya candy, whatcha gonna do is ya gonna take ya candy back home before you eat it.

Jimdar: Why consume this desert; you call Candy, at home? Why cannot you consume it here immediately?

Mike’s daughter: Well, it’s a good tip for kids because it has been rumored that there have been some cases where people have poisoned or put Razor blades in—

Checkdar: Aaggghhh!

Mike’s daughter: What’s wrong Checkdar?

Checkdar: Do I have something in my teeth? (*opens mouth and there’s a razor blade wedged in his teeth*)

Mike’s daughter: Uh? Yes? Uh? I think you better see a doctor–

Jimdar: Agggh! What type of Kcufing Earth nincompoop would supply me with this round fruit covered in some red sticky substance! It tastes like some sort of “Slime Creature from Outer Space”?!

Piper: Ya know? That was probably a candy apple with the poison in it? Eh, why don’t ya send it to Vince McMahon, so you can look like Moolah?

Jimdar: Negative, this Earthling excrement containing Earth poison has no shape-shifting effect on me!

Checkdar: And who is this Meek Mahaan?! And why would this candy apple make him appear to shape-shift into a colloquialism for Earth currency?

Mike Check: Yes, I didn’t understand that particular reference there either?

Mike’s Daughter: *sigh* He was talking about…never mind! It was a joke anyway! Geez!

The Invader by The Space Walkers

Mike Check: Well there Rowdy? So what’s your third Halloween Tip for these two Martian fellers?

Ghost Of Roddy Piper: Well now ya gonna go and knock on people’s doors that got lights, so you can see, and ya ain’t gonna go inside somebody’s house when they offer you candy, and close the door, you’re gonna stay on the door step and ya gonna say “Trick Or Treat” and your gonna say “Please and Thank ya”!

Mike’s Daughter: Okay, why don’t you try that house across from ours, with a light on, by the way.

(*Checkdar and Jimdar knock on neighbor’s door*)

“Neighbor”: Hello?

Checkdar: Trick Or Treat and Please and Thank ya!

“Neighbor”: Oh, you’re saying thank you already, how polite? But aren’t you Martians a bit old to Trick Or Treat?

Jimdar: Wait, how did you know that we are Martians?! (*points his ray gun*)

“Neighbor”: Well ain’t that your costumes?

Jimdar: Oh, affirmative! We are wearing Martian costumes, as that is the correct custom for Halloween!

Checkdar: Actually, we have traveled all the way here to Earth—

Jimdar: Silence you nincompoop! (*to neighbor*) We have traveled to the United States Of America from France!

“Neighbor”: France, eh? Well Bonjour—

Jimdar: What did you say?! Is that a colorful metaphor?! (*points his ray gun again*) Go Kcuf yourself!

“Neighbor”: No. Doesn’t it mean hello, in your language?

Jimdar: Enough with the “small talk”, hand over the confectionery, you call candy, now! Or I will burn your lawn!

“Neighbor” (*gets scared, slams the door shut and shouts through the door*): You “Invaders” better go away, or I’m calling the cops!

Checkdar: But? What was it that we did incorrectly?

Mike’s daughter (*sighs and shouts from afar*): Everything!

Interstellar Overdrive by Pink Floyd

Mike Check: Well Roddy Rowdy? We’re all wearing neon because it’s dark outside Mike Check HQ. So what’s your second Halloween Tip for these two Martian fellers?

Ghost of Roddy Piper: Well you see, you’re gonna have to take care of yourself when crossing the street because there’s idiots driving cars! Some of them don’t care! Some of those idiots are gonna run you over!

Checkdar (*doesn’t bother to finish listening to Piper finish his tip as he running across the street avoiding crazy drivers almost running him over*): Whoa! These Earth drivers are crazy! Why must Earthlings insist at traveling at the speed of “Interstellar Overdrive” on their primitive four wheel motor cars?

Ghost of Roddy Piper: That’s why…I’ll give you a bonus tip…look both ways before you cross the damn street!

Jimdar: Useless information! I have a better idea (*Jimdar crosses the road and a speeding car screeches to a halt right in from of him*)

“Idiot In Car”: Hey you freek! Get off the road you jerk!

Jimdar: Are those colorful metaphors you are using? Well Go Kcuf Yourself! (*blows up car with his ray gun*)

Mike’s daughter: Jimdar! You can’t do that sort of thing here!

Jimdar: I succeeded in crossing the road, did I not!? Ha! “Roads”! Such a primitive concept!

Mike Check: …Fascinating.

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