Mike Check: Halloween Hootenanny continues here on KMCR there fellers! And here’s…(*starts talking in a demonic voice*) FIRE!!!
Mike Check (*voice back to normal*): Aghhh! Fire!!! This song scared the hell out of ole Mike! Who possessed me to play this Arthur Brown song?
Mike’s Daughter: Don’t look at me? But…(*phone rings and she picks up phone*)…Hello KMCR, Mike’s Daughter speaking?
STAN “The Evil Troll Lord”: This is the new “God Of Hell Fire”; STAN—
Mike’s Daughter: Oh no! Not you?! But…but you melted like the ‘wicked witch of the west’ back on Mars?!
STAN: Yes, but you do know that I’m an immortal being and have just spent the last 5 months regenerating.
Mike’s Daughter: Look STAN! Just stay away from us! You’ve given my dad and I so much trouble for the last couple of years! And you had to troll my dad again today with that “Fire” song!
STAN: Yes, but I heard you talk that “fake news” about me yesterday so I wanted to rib you guys for old time sake. I’m not really a bad guy, you know?
Mike’s Daughter: Not a “Bad guy”?! Back in April, you attempted to enslave the Martians to take over the Earth and…and…you kidnapped me to remove my two…(*cough*)…”enhancements”…so you could eat them?!?! I mean, WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?!?!
STAN: Yes, sorry about that, I was just going through a strange hunger phase…well, I was locked up in the ‘Phantom Zone’ for 6 months, you know?
Mike’s Daughter: Hunger phase?! Well have a Snickers and go fu—
STAN: Hey! Ever since I’ve been trolling your dad, my life has been heaven, you know?! And by “heaven”, that means “hell” to you mortals! I mean…I lost my dear son Damien (*starts to sob*)
Mike’s Daughter: That’s not our damn fault!
STAN: I realize that now. That’s why I’m going to leave ‘The Mike Check Show’ alone and go back to what I do best, possessing wrestling personalities on social networking sites. Tammy…I mean “Tam” Sytch, and Superstar Billy Graham need my ‘fire and fury’.
Mike’s Daughter: Good. Whatever.
STAN: Well…this is awkward…soooo…oh, and worship the—
Mike’s Daughter (*hangs up phone before STAN finishes his sentence): Can you believe that crap, Dad?…Dad?…Where are you?
Mike Check (*cowering in the corner*): Is the fire over yet darlin’?
Mike’s Daughter: *sigh* Yes dad.
Mike’s Daughter (*still in STAN’s clutches*): STAN! Let me go! This stupid eating my boobs fetish is just getting freakin’ sickening!
Mike Check: Sam! Just give up! You’re now just being a yellow-bellied sore loser there feller! Let my precious Pentuinia go!
STAN: WRONG! I’m not a loser! That Lordi song that you played last year was all wrong! And why do I have to keep telling you that my name’s not Sam?! See, you’re wrong again! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
Kimar: Negative. Mike Check is factually correct. You have indeed lost. As leader of Mars I order you to surrender!
STAN: Never! This is for taking away my son! It’s lunch time! (*Stan opens is jaws wide*)
Mike’s Daughter: Help! Somebody do something?!
Mike Check: Doc! What do we do?!
Doc Brown: Great Scott! I’m sorry Mike? I’m all out of ideas?!
Khali: (*hobbles over and tosses a CD over to Mike Check*) Eepp Agh Aha!
Mike Check: This is no time for music there feller!
Doc Brown: No, Khali says this CD is “Jingle With Jillian”!…Eureka! This plan might just work?! But we need a CD player, quickly?!
Mike Check: But why? How?
Mike’s Daughter: Just do it!
Checkdar: Here, I have procured a device that will play your Compact Disk object.
Mike Check: Thanks there feller. I hope this plan works? Whatever it is?
Doc Brown: It will! Oh…and everyone block your ears this song is quite “heavy”!
(*Mike Check and Checkdar play the CD and put their fingers in their ears*)
STAN: (*Stops in his tracks, drops Mike’s Daughter and holds his ears in agony*) Aaaggghhhh! What is this?! Jillian Hall’s singing is so bad that even my evil I couldn’t have possibly powerful enough to invent this sh….?!
Mike’s Daughter: Quick! Turn up the volume! I think it’s working?!
(*Checkdar turns the volume up to 11 and it causes STAN to melt into the ground*)
STAN: Nooooo! I’m melting! I’m melting! Aaaagggghhhhh?!
Mike Check: Sam’s melted! I think we finally did it there fellers?! Now let’s find another song in celebration and “Pump Up The Volume” with MARRS here on…THE MACKER!
Mike Check: Fellers. It looks like we’ve finally got rid of that Sam once and—(*stops mid-sentence as he sees Damien wakes up from his weakened state*)
Mike’s Daughter: Looks like we still have a “little problem” to take care of?
Damien: Wrong! The only problem that needs….Wait?! What happened to my father?!
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Vile offspring of STAN, your father The King of Trolls has been “DELETED”!.
Damien: Nooooo! There is no way that you infidels could have defeated my father STAN: The Evil Troll Lord! But you won’t stop me as I plan to rule Mars myself! Now, Jimdar, I promise to keep my father’s word to you to give you all the power and wealth you desire if you capture Mike’s daughter for me right now!
Clairdar: Do not do this Jimdar! Leave the Earth woman alone!
Jimdar: Shut your Kcufing mouth, woman! (*to Damien*) I will gladly comply with your demand as I consider this Earth woman as merely another whore like her father and my wife! (*Jimdar motions over to grab Mike’s daughter but instead kicks Damien in the testicles as hard as he can which launches Damien into outta space*)
Mike’s Daughter: Thank you ah…Jimdar? But how did you manage to do that without your foot catching fire.
Jimdar: It was no problem. The pig skinned objects that I kick in my Spaceball matches are at a much hotter in Temperature that of, as what you colloquially call, his “balls”! Did you know that I produce four down-touches in one particular match?
Mike’s Daughter: Spaceball? What’s…?
The Great Khali: (*shrinks back down to size and his scream interrupts Mike’s Daughter after he notices that STAN is still conscious*) Ahagghh! Noooooooo! Ahagghh!
“Woken” Matt Hardy: It seems that the vile King of Trolls has “WOKEN”?!
Doc Brown: Great Scott! The Explosive Space Modulator loaded with 1.1 Gigawatts of power should have done it?
Mike Check: Fascinating.
Mike’s Daughter: Dammit STAN! Why can’t you just die already?!
STAN: Have you got any more bright ideas there you puny mortals?! You think a puny rocket and chopping my down to size is gonna stop an Evil Troll Lord like me?! (*looks around*) Wait! Where’s my son Damien?!
Jimdar: It could be said that I have sent miniature Kcufing offspring of yours into deep space by kicking him in his “Spaceballs”!
STAN: Whaaat?! Noooooo! But I promised you power…! That’s it! If you want something done right you just have to do it yourself (*grabs Mike’s daughter*) Don’t come any closer or I’ll make lunch out of your Mike’s daughter’s boobies right now!
STAN: Oh! Heaven It! It looks like that I’ll need to take drastic action. “Broken” or “Woken” Matt Hardy or whatever your called now, you may have overpowered my son Damien, but not me! Why don’t you watch this little trick (*STAN grows 70 feet tall*)
Mike Check: Oh no?! Sam has become the size of Godzilla?!
Checkdar: Mike Check, what’s a Godzilla?
Mike’s daughter: It’s…never mind that now. Now what do we do?
“Woken” Matt Hardy: I do not know? Even my own ‘Woken Wisdom’ could not withstand a demon of such large stature on the battlefield?
The Great Khali: Inoch Chah!
Mike: Check: I’m not sure that I understand that reference there feller?
Mike’s daughter: Khali says that it’s personal and he wants to fight STAN, but how?
(*The Great Khali also grows 70 feet tall and stars fighting STAN*)
Mike’s Daughter: How the hell did he do that?
Doc Brown: I think I might know? The Great Khail has employed some ancient mystical Punjabi powers that only a very few humans can perform. One such ability is to grow 70 feet at command (*all, except Doc Brown, are confused*)…What? Am I the only one that has read about this?
(*The Great Khail and STAN have back and forth Godzilla battle, but STAN eventually gets the upper hand*)
Mike Check: I think Sam is gonna win if we don’t do something there fellers?
Mike’s daughter: We would require something the size of Khali’s rocket moving at a supersonic speed to take him down or something?
Kimar: Quick, Doctor Emmett Brown and Woken Matt Hardy, please assist me in launching The Great Khail’s spacecraft into STAN’s Abdomen?
Doc Brown: But even if we did that, I’m afraid that would not be enough power to take STAN out! For a being of that size, you’ll need a force of at least 1.1 Gigawatts of power to even make an effect!
Kimar: Checkdar, Jimdar! Retrieve the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!
Doc Brown: The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!? I’ve only read theories about a Martian doomsday device fueled by Maronium, a compound more potent than a Plutonium, but I never believed that it actually existed?
Kimar: Affirmative. It was developed for The Great Martian War but left unused.
Jimdar: Are you certain that we should equip the spacecraft with Space Modulator?! What a Kcufing waste of a good bomb!
Kimar: Make it so! Now!
(*Khali’s spacecraft is quickly equipt with the Space Modulator*)
Doc Brown: Great Scott?! How are we to fly the spacecraft without having to sacrifice one of our lives?
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Ahhahahahaha! Yeeeeesssssss! Allow me to make use of my physic abilities to launch the spacecraft via auto-pilot into that vile King of Trolls. (*uses his powers to automatically launch the spacecraft into STAN and knocks him down unconscious*). Aaahhhhh yeeessss, King of Trolls! It seems that I have just procured a “Supersonic Rocket Ship”, ahahahahahha Yeeeessssss! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
Mike’s daughter: Really Doc Brown, you brought The Great Khali in a rocket to Mars to help us? But how is a 7 foot Indian with bad knees going to stop STAN?
The Great Khali: (*kicks down his spacecraft’s door*) AAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!
STAN: My Mazi servants; Get him!
(*The Great Khali grabs the Mazi’s all by the head with his skillet sized hands and throws them all down*)
STAN: You fools! Damien do something!
Damien: Yes father. (*Damien employs his “shape-shifting” abilities and turns into a clone of the Great Khali and over powers him*)… Bwhahaha, I got him father!
(*All of a sudden, a beam of light appears out of nowhere and “Woken” Matt Hardy makes an entrance*)
(The Deletion Anthem by CFO$)
STAN: Who the heavens are you!?
“Woken” Matt Hardy”: Aahhhhhh! Yeeeeeessssss! I am, “Woken” Matt Hardy and I have teleported from my humble abode in Cameron, North Carolina, on the planet Earth, along with my loyal friend Vanguard One, to help save the radio disc man known as Meek Check.
Mike’s daughter: How did you know?
“Woken” Matt Hardy: You see woman with large mammary glands, ever since The Martians had imprisoned the beast they call STAN: The King Of Trolls into the “Zone of Phantasia”, it had caused the Owl Men of Anthem to change their tune and allowed me to “PROCURE” the full ownership over the “Broken Universe”…it also caused my wife Rebeca to create more joyous Tweets on the Media of Socialness…but that is another story. And now my “Broken Brilliance” and “Woken Wisdom” have been “RESTORED” and I have “WOKEN”! Yeeeesssss! And now, once again, I have the ability to communicate with the seven deities. But, in recent times, the seven deities have been in distress ever since the martian deity known as “Chochem”, the Sage of Mars, has been “DELETED” out of existence.
Mike’s daughter: Chochem was a deity?
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Aaaahhhhh! Yeeeeeessssss! There are several deities contained around the Universe. And as revenge, the seven Earth deities have sent me to Mars to prepare the battlefield for “RAPTURE”!
STAN: Enough of this! Damien, Mazis, get him!
(*Damien and, the now conscious Mazis, let go of Khali and go after ‘Woken’ Matt Hardy. Woken Matt gives a high frequency gasp that causes the Mazis’ heads to explode and weakens Damien’s powers, also casing his shape-shifting abilities to fail*)
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Ahahahahha! yeeeessss! Your vile Mazi’s and your evil powers of metamorphism have just been “DELETED”! Ahahahahhaha! Yeeeeeesssss! Ahahahahahah!
Mike Check: Doc Brown is that you there feller?
Doc Brown: Yes, it’s Doctor Emmett Brown here. And STAN, I am going to put a stop to your shenanigans on Mars once and for all!
STAN: Really? You and what army?
Doc Brown: Army? Well I want you to meet a few friends that I brought along with me: C.S. Robocop, Angry Jim, Iron Mark Tyson, and The Midnight Rose. Or as I like to call then, the Crapvengers!
Angry Jim: I don’t want to be called that! Go **** yourselves! I wanted to be called “The Dependables”!
Doc Brown: JIIIIM there’s no time for that now! The fate of the world…I should I say galaxy, “depends” on it! …Or on second thought, perhaps your name is—
STAN: (*interrupts*) Crapvengers? Dependables? (*bursts out laughing*) I don’t know which name is worse? But what ever you’re called, you might as well be the “Misfits”, because that’s all you all are. But, I’d like to know how the heavens you “dumbasses”, now that’s a better name, even get here?
Doc Brown: Well, I’m glad you asked. In my travels to the future, I had discovered that the Martins had taken control of the Earth under the rule of STAN: The Evil Troll Lord, and in that time, I had also discovered that the Trolla Corporation were also secretly creating spacecrafts, from an abandoned underground Space-X laboratory, that would take man to as far as Mars. So when I had returned to the year 2018, I was supposed to arrive on the date March, 31 but there was a problem with my Delorean’s computer, which led me to arrive a few weeks too late. By that time my Delorean had broke down and I had also discovered that, not only had Mike Check been abducted, but so had his daughter. So I then gathered everyone that wanted to participate in assisting bringing them back home and saving the Earth. And Premier Blah had also gladly let me use his future rocket technology, that I brought back to modify the Delorean into a spacecraft, to get here.
STAN: That’s a nice little story Doc, but how are you going to stop me?
Angry Jim: Well, I’ll will whip you and your Mazi a***es like Government Mules!
Midnight Rose: You will say hello to my little friend, mang!
C.S. Robocop: Your move creep!
Iron Mark Tyson: I will punch you…(*all stare at him*)…What? What’s wrong with my catchphrase?
(*”The Crapvengers” charge at STAN and the Mazis but Damien uses his powers to knock them all out unconscious*)
Damien: Really? That was your army? I just took them all out myself and I’m just a kid?
STAN: Thank you son. Now my Mazi servants; take Doc Brown prisoner!
Doc Brown: I don’t think so. It seems that I had neglected to mention another minor detail STAN. I had a hunch that the probability of the chances of the “Crapvengers” in defeating you were minimal and they were merely a decoy. So I had also created a second spacecraft, which will arrive here very shortly, to carry a fifth individual to assist us. The Delorean, with the five of us, could not accommodate the large frame of this extra individual…(*the second spacecraft lands in the vicinity*)…and I think he’s just arrived!
STAN: No, it can’t be?!
Doc Brown: Yes, meet…The Great Khali!
(*STAN’s son Damien and the three Mazi’s have captured Mike Check’s daughter and have brought her to Mars*)
Mike’s Daughter: Let me go, you slimy creeps! And what have you done with my father?!
Mike Check: Darlin?
Mike’s daughter: Dad! You’re alright?!
Mike Check: Yes there darlin’.
STAN: Oh, how touching. I’ll give you your opportunity to say any last words with each other before I get my Mazis to connect her to the Silicone draining machine. And don’t do anything smart, as my loyal Mazi servants will shoot you!
Mike’s daughter: (*runs over to hug her dad*) Dad! I’m okay, don’t worry about me!
Mike Check: But how did they capture you?
Mike’s Daughter: Well, that pip squeak Damien apparently has shape shifting abilities now and he had disguised himself as Doc Brown. He told me that he had come back from the future and had a flying saucer to take me to Mars to save you. I was stupid enough to believe him.
Mike Check: There There, It’s not your fault. And I don’t know why this SAM would kidnap you for silicone? You don’t have one ounce of silicone in your body?
Mike’s Daughter (*nervously folds here arms over her huge fake boobs*): Uh??? Yeah, I don’t understand it either dad?
STAN (*interrupts*): Okay, the family reunion is over. So, are you ready?
Mike’s Daughter: Okay, but before you torture me, will you at least tell me how you managed to escape the Phantom Zone?
STAN: Well basically, we were floating around space and happened to bump into another Phantom Zone that contained the three Mazi prisoners, who you know, and are now my loyal servants. Anyway, we all crashed landed here on top of Chochem, and the impact caused both Phantom Zones to Shatter, allowing us all to escape! Yes, it was that easy!
Kimar: Impossible. The Phantom Zone was designed by our finest scientists in our “Intergalactic Planetary” to be Indestructible?
STAN: Yeah, and that’s the same thing that you said about your stupid Robot, Torg 6? I guess they don’t make them like they used to, huh? Your Martian technology might as well be made by the damn Trolla Corporation?
Mike Check: Hey, the Trolla company’s has made some fine good products, let me tell you. Just ask Premier Blake (*winks*).
STAN: Whatever. But before I drain Mike’s Daughter’s “silicone”, let me tell you about my evil plan that I have in store. I will use you Martians as my army of slaves to fly a fleet of your flying saucers to invade the Earth, so I can finally take it over.
Kimar: Negative! No Martian will ever follow such a plan!
STAN: Really, not even if I turn you into Jimdar’s MMQ sauce making slave? (*to Jimdar*) I could help create your MMQ restaurant side business into an Universal empire, which will be more profitable than you have ever imagined?
Jimdar: Hmmm, that plan sounds tempting?
Mike’s daughter (*interrupts*): You’re sick, STAN!
STAN: Yes, but lucky for you that you won’t have to see what will happen to the Earth because, let’s just say, that you will be the one that will be “sick” by then…and we will all “know about it” too. Now, my Mazi servants, take her away! And as for the rest of you Martians, as your new God, I command you invade—
(*voice from a distance*) Not so fast!
STAN: Oh?! Who is it now?! …Oh no, it’s Doc Brown?!