“Woken” Matt Hardy: Ahahhahaa! Yeeeeeeesssss! Wonderful! The King of Trolls STAN has been “DELETED” once and for all! Well my involvment has now concluded, so I will now teleport back to Cameron, North Carolina, on Earth. Doctor Brown and Martian citizens, please assist Meek Check and friends in returning back home as Vanguard One can only allow one extra being to be teleported with myself. Come “Khali: The Great”.
Mike Check: Why thank ya there Wookie Matt and before you go…Hooray for Khail Claus!
The Great Khali: ARGH-Blerpper-Eek-Pfft! Goodbye! Grrr-Pfft! (*Matt and Khali teleport away*)
Mike Check: Well it seems that everything is back to normal? Although I don’t think anything that’s happened this whole month could ever be considered normal there fellers?
Kimar: Mike Check, on behalf of the Planet Mars I apologize for all the inconveniences that you have experienced this month? How can I make it up to you?
Mike Check: Weell, that’s okay there feller. It’s all water under the bridge. This has been one heck of an adventure, let me tell you. But right now, I want to go home…to Earth that is.
Kimar: Affirmative, Mike Check. But it will be unfortunate that there is no Martian with your experience to play your Earth music here on Mars?
Checkdar: Weellll, although I should not since you tried to execute me Kimar, but I will offer my services to play music on Mars. Mike Check has taught me everything he knows and I will have my 8 year old whiz-kid daughter to assist me.
Mike’s Daughter: You have a daughter? Where is she?
Checkdar: She is currently performing her Martian studies.
Mike’s Daughter: Good. I just hope she doesn’t experience here like what we have on Earth which females call a “glass ceiling”? Because hopefully she won’t have to end up having to make money by dancing on a pole like m…I mean…like a friend I know.
Checkdar: I am not sure that your reference is understandable? Why would you have glass ceilings on Earth? To better observe the stars perhaps? And what type of employment would involve the use of a “pole”?
Mike’s Daughter: Uh…? (*tries to change the subject*) So Kimar. Are you making Checkdar a deejay or not?
Kimar: Affirmative. I will agree to make you, Checkdar, in charge of all radio duties. And I also apologize, you may be a fool at times, but this seems to be a task that I think that you will be well suited for.
Checkdar: Well as they say on Earth, ‘Please and Thank Ya’ there Kimar. Oh, and Mike Check, could I procure a what you call a “cowboy hat” from you?
Mike Check: Here, you can take mine. I have plenty at home there feller.
Checkdar: (*Puts on Mike’s cowboy hat*) Weelll know feelers! You can now call me the “Space Cowboy” here on…THE MACKET…I mean…MACKER!
Mike Check: See you don’t need me, you have a wonderful Martian “Mike Check” that will work well your own market.
Mike Check: Fellers. It looks like we’ve finally got rid of that Sam once and—(*stops mid-sentence as he sees Damien wakes up from his weakened state*)
Mike’s Daughter: Looks like we still have a “little problem” to take care of?
Damien: Wrong! The only problem that needs….Wait?! What happened to my father?!
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Vile offspring of STAN, your father The King of Trolls has been “DELETED”!.
Damien: Nooooo! There is no way that you infidels could have defeated my father STAN: The Evil Troll Lord! But you won’t stop me as I plan to rule Mars myself! Now, Jimdar, I promise to keep my father’s word to you to give you all the power and wealth you desire if you capture Mike’s daughter for me right now!
Clairdar: Do not do this Jimdar! Leave the Earth woman alone!
Jimdar: Shut your Kcufing mouth, woman! (*to Damien*) I will gladly comply with your demand as I consider this Earth woman as merely another whore like her father and my wife! (*Jimdar motions over to grab Mike’s daughter but instead kicks Damien in the testicles as hard as he can which launches Damien into outta space*)
Mike’s Daughter: Thank you ah…Jimdar? But how did you manage to do that without your foot catching fire.
Jimdar: It was no problem. The pig skinned objects that I kick in my Spaceball matches are at a much hotter in Temperature that of, as what you colloquially call, his “balls”! Did you know that I produce four down-touches in one particular match?
Mike’s Daughter: Spaceball? What’s…?
The Great Khali: (*shrinks back down to size and his scream interrupts Mike’s Daughter after he notices that STAN is still conscious*) Ahagghh! Noooooooo! Ahagghh!
“Woken” Matt Hardy: It seems that the vile King of Trolls has “WOKEN”?!
Doc Brown: Great Scott! The Explosive Space Modulator loaded with 1.1 Gigawatts of power should have done it?
Mike Check: Fascinating.
Mike’s Daughter: Dammit STAN! Why can’t you just die already?!
STAN: Have you got any more bright ideas there you puny mortals?! You think a puny rocket and chopping my down to size is gonna stop an Evil Troll Lord like me?! (*looks around*) Wait! Where’s my son Damien?!
Jimdar: It could be said that I have sent miniature Kcufing offspring of yours into deep space by kicking him in his “Spaceballs”!
STAN: Whaaat?! Noooooo! But I promised you power…! That’s it! If you want something done right you just have to do it yourself (*grabs Mike’s daughter*) Don’t come any closer or I’ll make lunch out of your Mike’s daughter’s boobies right now!
STAN: Oh! Heaven It! It looks like that I’ll need to take drastic action. “Broken” or “Woken” Matt Hardy or whatever your called now, you may have overpowered my son Damien, but not me! Why don’t you watch this little trick (*STAN grows 70 feet tall*)
Mike Check: Oh no?! Sam has become the size of Godzilla?!
Checkdar: Mike Check, what’s a Godzilla?
Mike’s daughter: It’s…never mind that now. Now what do we do?
“Woken” Matt Hardy: I do not know? Even my own ‘Woken Wisdom’ could not withstand a demon of such large stature on the battlefield?
The Great Khali: Inoch Chah!
Mike: Check: I’m not sure that I understand that reference there feller?
Mike’s daughter: Khali says that it’s personal and he wants to fight STAN, but how?
(*The Great Khali also grows 70 feet tall and stars fighting STAN*)
Mike’s Daughter: How the hell did he do that?
Doc Brown: I think I might know? The Great Khail has employed some ancient mystical Punjabi powers that only a very few humans can perform. One such ability is to grow 70 feet at command (*all, except Doc Brown, are confused*)…What? Am I the only one that has read about this?
(*The Great Khail and STAN have back and forth Godzilla battle, but STAN eventually gets the upper hand*)
Mike Check: I think Sam is gonna win if we don’t do something there fellers?
Mike’s daughter: We would require something the size of Khali’s rocket moving at a supersonic speed to take him down or something?
Kimar: Quick, Doctor Emmett Brown and Woken Matt Hardy, please assist me in launching The Great Khail’s spacecraft into STAN’s Abdomen?
Doc Brown: But even if we did that, I’m afraid that would not be enough power to take STAN out! For a being of that size, you’ll need a force of at least 1.1 Gigawatts of power to even make an effect!
Kimar: Checkdar, Jimdar! Retrieve the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!
Doc Brown: The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!? I’ve only read theories about a Martian doomsday device fueled by Maronium, a compound more potent than a Plutonium, but I never believed that it actually existed?
Kimar: Affirmative. It was developed for The Great Martian War but left unused.
Jimdar: Are you certain that we should equip the spacecraft with Space Modulator?! What a Kcufing waste of a good bomb!
Kimar: Make it so! Now!
(*Khali’s spacecraft is quickly equipt with the Space Modulator*)
Doc Brown: Great Scott?! How are we to fly the spacecraft without having to sacrifice one of our lives?
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Ahhahahahaha! Yeeeeesssssss! Allow me to make use of my physic abilities to launch the spacecraft via auto-pilot into that vile King of Trolls. (*uses his powers to automatically launch the spacecraft into STAN and knocks him down unconscious*). Aaahhhhh yeeessss, King of Trolls! It seems that I have just procured a “Supersonic Rocket Ship”, ahahahahahha Yeeeessssss! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
Mike’s daughter: Really Doc Brown, you brought The Great Khali in a rocket to Mars to help us? But how is a 7 foot Indian with bad knees going to stop STAN?
The Great Khali: (*kicks down his spacecraft’s door*) AAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!
STAN: My Mazi servants; Get him!
(*The Great Khali grabs the Mazi’s all by the head with his skillet sized hands and throws them all down*)
STAN: You fools! Damien do something!
Damien: Yes father. (*Damien employs his “shape-shifting” abilities and turns into a clone of the Great Khali and over powers him*)… Bwhahaha, I got him father!
(*All of a sudden, a beam of light appears out of nowhere and “Woken” Matt Hardy makes an entrance*)
(The Deletion Anthem by CFO$)
STAN: Who the heavens are you!?
“Woken” Matt Hardy”: Aahhhhhh! Yeeeeeessssss! I am, “Woken” Matt Hardy and I have teleported from my humble abode in Cameron, North Carolina, on the planet Earth, along with my loyal friend Vanguard One, to help save the radio disc man known as Meek Check.
Mike’s daughter: How did you know?
“Woken” Matt Hardy: You see woman with large mammary glands, ever since The Martians had imprisoned the beast they call STAN: The King Of Trolls into the “Zone of Phantasia”, it had caused the Owl Men of Anthem to change their tune and allowed me to “PROCURE” the full ownership over the “Broken Universe”…it also caused my wife Rebeca to create more joyous Tweets on the Media of Socialness…but that is another story. And now my “Broken Brilliance” and “Woken Wisdom” have been “RESTORED” and I have “WOKEN”! Yeeeesssss! And now, once again, I have the ability to communicate with the seven deities. But, in recent times, the seven deities have been in distress ever since the martian deity known as “Chochem”, the Sage of Mars, has been “DELETED” out of existence.
Mike’s daughter: Chochem was a deity?
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Aaaahhhhh! Yeeeeeessssss! There are several deities contained around the Universe. And as revenge, the seven Earth deities have sent me to Mars to prepare the battlefield for “RAPTURE”!
STAN: Enough of this! Damien, Mazis, get him!
(*Damien and, the now conscious Mazis, let go of Khali and go after ‘Woken’ Matt Hardy. Woken Matt gives a high frequency gasp that causes the Mazis’ heads to explode and weakens Damien’s powers, also casing his shape-shifting abilities to fail*)
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Ahahahahha! yeeeessss! Your vile Mazi’s and your evil powers of metamorphism have just been “DELETED”! Ahahahahhaha! Yeeeeeesssss! Ahahahahahah!
(*knock at the front door*)
Mike’s Daughter (*opens front door*): Hello?
[Theme: “Loaded” by Zack Tempest]
Matt and Jeff Hardy (*appear at front door*): Trick or Treat!
Mike’s Daughter You guys are a little late? Damien and Stan are gone, some Martians took them prisoner two days ago.
Matt Hardy: (*in “broken” accent*) Yeeeeessssss! (*in his normal voice*) Well me and my brother…”Jeff” were going to come help you guys out but our teleportation abilities have been “DELETED” so we had to drive all the way to Folsom from Cameron, North Carolina in our rental car.
Jeff Hardy: Yeah, I’m also sorry for the delay, man. But I couldn’t have been much help anyway, since I’m still recovering from my shoulder surgery.
Mike’s Daughter: Don’t worry about it. But I must say that it’s disappointing that you guys still can’t be “broken”?
Jeff Hardy: No ma’am. But The Hardyz Boyz are now “AWOKEN”!
Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that particular reference there feller?
Matt Hardy: Look. It’s the best we can do right now ever since we ran into a little issues with “the owl man”…oh which reminds me; My wife Reby has seemed to have calmed down on Twitter in the last few days? Her recent unusual enlightened mood toward me having to work on Christmas seems to be difficult to…”describe”?
(*Matt Hardy pauses as he expects his “Scribe” to show up, but nothing happens*)
Matt Hardy: Really?! The owl man has also “DELETED” my scribe?!
Mike’s Daughter: Eh? I can’t explain wha…but I probably can explain Reby due to the fact that STAN: The Evil Troll Lord is now currently floating somewhere in out of Space and thus hasn’t been able to possess any wrestling personalities on Twitter.
Matt Hardy: Well that explanation sounds absolutely “Delightful”! Well I guess we better be going–
Mike’s Daughter: Wait! Would you be able to do me a favor? Would you be able to fix my little problem? (*points to her own shrunken breasts*)
Matt Hardy: I shouldn’t be doing this but… (*grabs Mike’s Daughter head*) aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!…With the power of the Seven Deities: Nehrick, Cole, Khawl, Sircoe, Asstar, Gustavo, Brohare! “RESTORE” this stripper woman’s enormous artificial mammary glands! RESTORE! RESTORE! RESTORE!
Mike’s Daughter (*Her breasts grow back their previous enormous Double D size*): Thanks guys. I don’t know how to repay you? But since you guys are “Trick or Treating”, I think I may have some “green beans” in the fridge?
Matt Hardy: Green beans? Why would we want that?
Mike’s Daughter: Aren’t they a “delicacy”?
Matt Hardy: Uh? I don’t know what you’re talking about? But we must be going, post haste, as “King Max”…I mean Maxell and Wolfgang are waiting for us to take them Trick or Treating.
Jeff Hardy: Well, I guess now we’ll fade away and classify ourselves as “Obsolete”!
Matt Hardy: OBSOLETE!
Jeff Hardy: Happy Halloween, Creatures!
Mike Check: Weeeell fellers…..
“Broken” Matt Hardy: Brother Nero! What Decrepit Erection have we entered into? This is not the Zone of Impact?
Jeff “Brother Nero” Hardy: I don’t know Brother Moore? But…where are our Tag Team Championships?
“Broken” Matt Hardy (*looks in his satchel*): Gasp! It appears that the Anthem Owlmen have somehow DELETED our TNA Tag Team Championships of the World during our teleportation?! What manner of treachery is this?!
Mike’s Daughter: Ah? Guys. If I may interject. Apparently Impact wrestling have given you both the “poochie” treatment by writing you off the show and making it look like that the DECAY somehow stole your titles by…I don’t freakin’ know???
“Broken” Matt Hardy: Blasphemy! That level of preposterousity is even to much for my own broken brilliance to “describe”?
(*Matt’s “scribe” shows up out of the blue holding a notebook and pen, but then awkwardly walks away*)
Mike’s Daughter: Who was that?
“Broken” Matt Hardy: I could ask you the same question about you; woman with large mammary glands?
Mike’s Daughter: I’m the daughter of famous radio DJ; Mike Check.
“Broken” Matt Hardy: That’s absolutely Wonderful! I understand that Vanguard One is a tremendous fan of the man they call, Meek Check, the greatest Correspondent of TNA to ever serve the Audio Progrem of Wrestling Fecal Matter!
Jeff Hardy: But Brother Moore, why has Vanguard One teleported us to Meek Check’s abode? (*looks around*) There is definitely no gold to be found here?
Mike Check: Weeell there fellers. I think I remember your robot being here before many…many…many…many (*the Hardys do their swinging arm gesture as Mike repeats the word “many”) months ago when…did I ever tell you fellers about the time when your robot and your gardener saved us from…(*to his daughter*) who did he save us from there darlin’?
Mike’s Daughter: Dad! Don’t you even remember last Halloween when Zombie Nathaniel was sent to our show to to annoy us and almost eating our brains?!.
“Broken” Matt Hardy: Aaahhh yeeeesss, offspring of Meek Check. It was in October 2016 A.D. when I sent Vanguard One and Senor Benjamin to DELETE the vile Brother Edward Rodham for regurgitating mustard upon my hologram. I strongly dislike mustard!….(*loud gasp*) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Brother Nero! I just had a Premon-EETION! (*to Mike Check*) Meek Check, the seven deities have foretold Vanguard One to send us to this location to heed you with a warning. I see in your near future that a treacherous “demon” will soon deceive you into doing a deal with him. Please do not let this “demon” PROCURE your Meek Check Show because he will render your show OBSOLETE! Now if you’ll excuse us, we must resume our training with Smokin’ Joe so we may finally DELETE The Bucks Of Youth in The Honorable Ring!
Jeff Hardy: OBSOLETE! DELETE! OBSOLETE! DELETE! OBSOLETE! DELETE!
(*The Broken Hardys disappear with Vanguard One*)
Mike’s Daughter: Dad? A deal with a “demon? He must mean Raging_Demons from Wrestlecrapradio.com?! I knew that he’s up to something? Of course. Who else could he mean?
Mike Check: I don’t know there darlin’? But let’s just hope that The Mike Check Show will not soon become “obsolete” here on THE MACKER!
(*Nathaniel’s agonizing headache from the previous day starts to wear off*)
Mike’s Daughter: Oh no! Okay, so now what dad?!
Mike Check: You know what.
Mike’s Daughter: Oh god. You mean? Are you sure that playing the song “Halloween Spooks” will finally kill Zombie Nathaniel?
Mike Check: Yep. And without any further ado here’s…(*The power goes out*)
Mike’s Daughter: What’s happening?!
Mike Check: Ah? I think we’re doomed there my precious petunia?…Run!
(*They try to run but Zombie Nathaniel grabs Mike’s Daughter’s arm*)
Zombie Nathaniel: BRRRRRAAAIIINNNSSS!
(*Mike’s Daughter screams but “Halloween Spooks” then plays loudly from outside*):
Zombie Nathaniel: AGGHHH–BRAINS! I’LL GET YO….(*Zombie Nathaniel’s head explodes*)
Mike Daughter (*catching her breath*): Thanks dad.
Mike Check: But I didn’t do anything there darlin’?
Mike Daughter: So who played….??? Wait, what that outside? Is that a UFO?
(*Mike Check’s power is restored and a Martian, similar to those from the film “Santa Claus Conquers The Martians” appears on Mike’s daughter’s computer screen.
“Martian”: Mike Check, I am Kidar. I have come here in gratitude on behalf of the people of the planet Mars for your solution in finding a way to destroy our enemy in the Great Martian War. This invention that you call “music” is as you say is; “Fascinating”. I will be back in 12 of your Earth months to collect more. But until then, I bid you farewell. (*UFO flies away*)
Mike Daughter: What just happened here? Was he a real Martian? And he thanked you? But…didn’t we accidentally kill his people the day after Roddy Piper was here? And did he play “Halloween Spooks”? How did he know? It doesn’t make sense?
(*knock at the door*)
Mike Check (*opens door*): Ah, thanks there Señor Benjamin. Now would you clean up this dead Zombie mess from our studio floor and bury him deep under the ground there feller?
Senor Benjamin (*standing outside the door with Vanguard One, who’s carrying a boombox which is still playing “Halloween Spooks”s*): Si Señor Check.
Mike Daughter: Ah? Is Vanguard One back? And what’s “Broken” Matt Hardy’s caretaker Señor Benjamin doing here?
Mike Check: He’s also our gardener. Remember.
Mike Daughter: But…? Since when?…(*sigh*) Whatever. I have a headache, I’m going to take a warm bath. (*goes to the bathroom, undresses and screams when she sees the two teenage perverts from earlier in the month peering through a gap in the window*)
Teenage boy #1: Cool. With that Zombie gone, now we finally get to see her ti…(*his head is hit with a shovel from behind*)
Teenage boy #2 What th…(*his head is also hit with a shovel*)
Mike’s Daughter: Who just hit those perverts with that shovel?
(*Mike’s Daughter puts on a towel, looks out the window and see’s Señor Benjamin dropping a shovel with the word “delete” written on it and then drags the two unconscious boys towards an open grave that he had dug up previously. Señor Benjamin then looks up at Mike’s Daughter and his eyes turn yellow, similar to Michael Jackson at the end of the “Thriller” music video. He also gives her the thumbs up gesture.*)
Mike Daughter: Ah? Thanks again, I guess?! (*shocked but then shrugs her shoulders and says to herself*) Normally I would say that was weird, but it wasn’t the weirdest thing that I’ve seen all month.