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Antenna Head by ZZ Top / I Got A Rocket In My Pocket by Jimmy Lloyd

Kimar: Well now that Mars is back to normal, it seems that I must bid you farewell Mike Check and Earth friends.

Jimdar: Wait?! Are you forgetting one thing Kimar? You are releasing Mike Check even after that earth cretin Kcufed my wife with his greezy Earthling hands?! Perhaps Mars would have been better off with STAN in charge!

Kimar: Jimdar! I really have had enough of this “anger” of yours! You are know angering me!

Jimdar: Well go Kcuf yourself (*punches Kimar and they get into a scuffle*)

Clairedar: Cease fighting! This was all the fault of myself. I was the Martian that tricked Mike Check into pleasuring my antenna. It is I that should be I facing any punishment.

Mike’s Daughter (*whispers to Mike Check*): You did what dad???

Mike Check (*whispers to back to his daughter*): How would I know that their antennas were used for that there darlin’?

Jimdar (*to Clairedar*): Of course! Just like you have let every male on Mars pleasure you antenna!

Clairedar: Negative. It was my intention with Mike Check to make you, as the Earthlings say, “jealous”.

Angry Jim (*comes out of unconsciousness and interrupts*): I don’t know who the **** you ***holes are, but I had lost my wife a year ago…when she moved all the way to the Canary Islands and never came back! I used to obsess all the time about how my wife was a two-timing whore who was sleepin’ with that Johnny Age ever since I tripped over a wet skateboard on my front porch. But now I’ve come to learn how to forgive and forget…I mean our tomorrows are not guaranteed, so you Martians should learn to be a little kinder to one another?

Mike’s daughter (*stunned*) Jim? What’s gotten into you? You’re so…positive right now?

Angry Jim: Ahhh, go **** yourselves! I’m already sick of this ****ing planet! And when are those other Depend…no…those three “Crapvengers” waking up so we can get our *** rocket ship home!?

Jimdar: This angry Earthing speaks logically. Clairedar, my apologies for my behavior. What can I do to keep you mine?

Clairedar: Why do you not request Checkdar to play me a song?

Jimdar: A song?! Negative! Such foolish noises—

Angry Jim: For **** sake! Why don’t ya pointy “Antenna Heads” just shut the **** up and play some **** ZZ Top!

Jimdar: This ZZ Top? I think I am enjoying their southern American style of Rock and/or Roll. Perhaps this “music” is not so vile after all. My gratitude Angry Jim.

Angry Jim: Why thank ya, and go **** yourself!

Jimdar: Negative! You go Kcuf yourself!

Mike Check (*interrupts*): Fellers! Fellers! Our job is done. So Doc, take us home would you there feller?

Doc Brown: Well Mike, there’s a slight problem, Khali’s spacecraft is destroyed and we cannot all fit in my Deloreoan—

Kimar: There’s no need for that. Allow me take you back in my personal Flying saucer.

Gaiedar: Wait! (*shouts and runs up to Mike Check*) Mike Check! Wait! Before you leave, I have a gift for you. But do not use it until you get back to Earth. (*slips something into Mike’s pocket*)…However, if you prefer to stay, I will allow you to slip a rocket shaped object of your own into my pocket, if you understand my meaning? Hga hga hga!

Mike Check: Ah, no thank you there feller. Kimar, please hurry and take us back NOW!

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Mars Attacks by Misfits

Mike Check: Doc Brown is that you there feller?

Doc Brown: Yes, it’s Doctor Emmett Brown here. And STAN, I am going to put a stop to your shenanigans on Mars once and for all!

STAN: Really? You and what army?

Doc Brown: Army? Well I want you to meet a few friends that I brought along with me: C.S. Robocop, Angry Jim, Iron Mark Tyson, and The Midnight Rose. Or as I like to call then, the Crapvengers!

Angry Jim: I don’t want to be called that! Go **** yourselves! I wanted to be called “The Dependables”!

Doc Brown: JIIIIM there’s no time for that now! The fate of the world…I should I say galaxy, “depends” on it! …Or on second thought, perhaps your name is—

STAN: (*interrupts*) Crapvengers? Dependables? (*bursts out laughing*) I don’t know which name is worse? But what ever you’re called, you might as well be the “Misfits”, because that’s all you all are. But, I’d like to know how the heavens you “dumbasses”, now that’s a better name, even get here?

Doc Brown: Well, I’m glad you asked. In my travels to the future, I had discovered that the Martins had taken control of the Earth under the rule of STAN: The Evil Troll Lord, and in that time, I had also discovered that the Trolla Corporation were also secretly creating spacecrafts, from an abandoned underground Space-X laboratory, that would take man to as far as Mars. So when I had returned to the year 2018, I was supposed to arrive on the date March, 31 but there was a problem with my Delorean’s computer, which led me to arrive a few weeks too late. By that time my Delorean had broke down and I had also discovered that, not only had Mike Check been abducted, but so had his daughter. So I then gathered everyone that wanted to participate in assisting bringing them back home and saving the Earth. And Premier Blah had also gladly let me use his future rocket technology, that I brought back to modify the Delorean into a spacecraft, to get here.

STAN: That’s a nice little story Doc, but how are you going to stop me?

Angry Jim: Well, I’ll will whip you and your Mazi a***es like Government Mules!

Midnight Rose: You will say hello to my little friend, mang!

C.S. Robocop: Your move creep!

Iron Mark Tyson: I will punch you…(*all stare at him*)…What? What’s wrong with my catchphrase?

(*”The Crapvengers” charge at STAN and the Mazis but Damien uses his powers to knock them all out unconscious*)

Damien: Really? That was your army? I just took them all out myself and I’m just a kid?

STAN: Thank you son. Now my Mazi servants; take Doc Brown prisoner!

Doc Brown: I don’t think so. It seems that I had neglected to mention another minor detail STAN. I had a hunch that the probability of the chances of the “Crapvengers” in defeating you were minimal and they were merely a decoy. So I had also created a second spacecraft, which will arrive here very shortly, to carry a fifth individual to assist us. The Delorean, with the five of us, could not accommodate the large frame of this extra individual…(*the second spacecraft lands in the vicinity*)…and I think he’s just arrived!

STAN: No, it can’t be?!

Doc Brown: Yes, meet…The Great Khali!

Venomous by Jim Johnston

Mike Check: Weell, that was…(*interrupted by knock at the front door*)

Mike’s Daughter: Someone’s at the door?

Mike Check: Don’t tell me the Martians have arrived after all?

Mike’s Daughter: Don’t be stupid dad, just get it.

Mike Check (*opens door*): So who might you be there feller?

Steve Austin: What?!

Mike Check: I said, who might you be there feller?

Steve Austin: What?!

Mike Check: I said…

Steve Austin: I know what ya’ said, Mike! But if you don’t know, you should know, I’m ‘Stone Cold Steve Austin’. And I’m asking why your sorry ass played my theme song from the time I was part of the Alliance? What?!

Mike Check: Weell there feller, Ole…

Steve Austin: Are you trying to remind all your listeners on 3:16 day of the time when Stone Cold Steve Austin was soft!? What?!

Mike Check: No, I…

Steve Austin: What’s next, you want Stone Cold to put on a tiny cowboy hat and sing Kumbaya with you?! What?!

Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand your particular reference there feller?

Steve Austin: You don’t understand my reference Mike?! What?! Well here’s a reference you’ll understand?! If you want Stone cold to open up a can of whoop ass on Mike Check give me a “Hell yeah”!

Mike’s Daughter: Hell Yeah!…Sorry, dad.

Mike Check: Please don’t hurt me Mr. Boston. I’m a very…very…very…old man—

Steve Austin: (*angry expression suddenly turns to a smile*): Nah, I’m just playin’ with ya. The only can Stone Cold is gonna open right now is a couple of Stevewisers. (*gets two cans of beer and hands one to Mike*)

Mike Check: Why thank ya there feller. Cheers…agh!

(*Austin tricks Mike and gives him the Stone Cold Stunner*)

Steve Austin: DTA: Don’t trust anybody, and that’s the bottom line because Stone Cold said so! Mike, I’ll catch your ass down the road. (*pats Mike on the back, places another can of beer near Mike’s semi-unconscious body and leaves*)

Mike’s Daughter: Dad! Are you alright?!…(*phone rings*)…Just hold on dad, I’ll get it. (*picks up phone and puts in on speaker*)

Angry Jim (*on the phone*): STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! BY GAWD, STUNNER! (*hangs up*)

Mike Check: (*waking up out of unconsciousness*) Fas-cin-ating.

Return To Church by John Carpenter and Alan Howarth / Devil In A Fast Car by Sheena Easton

Mike’s Daughter: Are Angry Jim and his Japanese cousin still fighting out there?

Mike Check: Looks out the window. I’m afraid so darlin’. It seems that this fight is very…very…very…very long. It kinda reminds me of this film where this feller finds some sunglasses and sees Aliens, so he tries to get his friend to put him on but he refuses so they have a fight which seemed six hours long–

Mike’s Daughter: Yeah, you mean “They Live” starring “Rowdy” Roddy Piper…oh that gives me an idea? If no one “living” can help us with our “devil child Damien problem, perhaps I could get out the Seancetrolla and summon a ghost that I think could help us? (*gets out Seancetrolla and starts chanting*) Rowdy Roddy! Rowdy Roddy! Rowdy Roddy!

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper (*appears and stands outside Mike’s front door with a shotgun*): I’ve come here to chew gum bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m all outta bubblegum!

Mike’s Daughter: Great. Now, can you shoot Damien for me?

Damien: Oh no, I’m a goner! I better summon some help right now?

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper : Mama don’t like tattletales!

(*Just as The Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper is about to pull the trigger of his shot gun, The Boogeyman appears*)

[Theme: “Coming To Get Ya!” by Jim Johnston]

The Boogeyman: Bwhahahaha! (*smashes a clock over his head*) I’m The Boogeyman! And I’m comin’ to get ya!

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: You know, you look like your head fell in cheese dip back in 1957!

Mike’s Daughter: Wait? Who are you talking to?

Mike Check (*hiding behind his daughter*): Roddy’s talking to The Boogeyman! Oh no there, he’s coming to get me!

Mike’s Daughter (*looks around*): What Boogeyman?!

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: You can’t see him?! He’s right here in front of you!

(*The Boogeyman waves at Mike’s Daughter*)

Mike’s Daughter: Where?!

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper (*takes off his sunglasses and gives them to Mike’s Daughter*): Put these glasses on!

Mike’s Daughter: I don’t think that will work…?

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: I said, put them on!

Mike’s Daughter: Okay, okay! (*puts the glasses on and looks around*) Nope.

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: Really?! Nothing?!

Mike’s Daughter: No…wait…where did all those “Mike Check Is My Favorite Wrestlecrap Radio TNA Correspondent” billboards come from?… I guess that might actually explain your popularity dad?!

Damien: Fools! Why are you all standing around! Why don’t you fight each other like I made them (*Damien points over to Angry Jim and Jimichiro Rosshu who are still fighting but are now tired and are leaning on each other while trying to throw punches. They then both collapse*)…?!

Boogeyman (*sigh*): Jimichiro-sama! I’m comin’ to get ya! (*goes to Jimichiro’s almost unconscious body and drags him away*)

Mike’s Daughter: What’s happening?!

Mike Check: Weelll, that Japanese feller over there made a Boogeyman robot to kidnap Ringo Starr two years ago and I guess he’s now dragging his master back home?

Mike’s Daughter: What Boogeyman robot?! I still can’t see who you’re all looking at?! But…I now see Bob Caudle dragging Angry Jim away?

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: No, I’m not talking about Bob Caudle! You still don’t see The Boogeyman?! And I thought I lost a lot of brain cells?! (*takes his sunglasses away from Mike’s Daughter*)! Now what was I here for again?!

Damien (*points across the road*): Look! There’s a kid not wearing neon green and I think that other kid next to him might be eating candy before he taking it home?

Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: Agghh! (*runs across the road, dodging cars almost running him over, and starts chasing the random Trick or Treaters*) Hey kid! You forgot to say “Please and Thank Ya!”

Damien: And watch out for the “Idiots In Cars”! Bwhahahah!

Mike Check: Fascinating.

All Hell Breaks Loose by The Misfits

(*Door bell rings and Mike Check opens the front door*)

[Theme: “Boomer Sooner” by The Pride of Oklahoma ’98]

Mike Check: Weeell hello there Angry John. What brings you back here feller?

Angry Jim: I know that I said that I’d never return to this **** place but I’m angry because someone stole some of my BBQ sauce and left a trail of broken bottles all the way to your **** of a house!

Mike’s Daughter: That’s unfortunate Jim, but we’ve got our hands tied right now with this devil child, Damien! (*looks around*) where is that evil pip-squeak hiding anyway?

Angry Jim: Do ya think I really give a rats–?!

(*Angry Jim pauses as he sees a Japanese man, who looks like the splitting image of himself, walk up to Mike’s front door*)

Mike Check: Who are you there feller?

Jimichiro Rosshu: I Jimichiro Rosshu, one of 40 assistant manager of Fukya Selfu Robotics, also former All-Japan Puroresu number 1 announcer and cousin to this redneck Angry Jim-san; who English commentary provide for inferior promotion New Japan!

Angry Jim: Go **** yourself! Why the **** are you even here?!

Jimichiro Rosshu: I come many reason you redneck bakka! First, I bring forgiveness to Check-san for time he bring dishonor for dirty boot wearing in house and then have Jimichiro fire at radio station for make comment of shame and disrespect! Second, I want thank Check-San for lead Jimichro to mutual enemy Ringo Starr-San. Although I bring shame to self for failure in my T-008 robot to him destroy, now I to wish assist in partner with Check-San in investment in Check Show.

Mike Check: Why thank ya there feller. But you’re six months too late with offering to invest in the Mike Check Show since we signed a new deal with our previous bosses at wrestlecrapradio.com back in June. But right now–

Jimichiro Rosshu: Huuuuhh?! But telephone voice of small boy Jimichiro lead believe that–

Angry Jim: By gawd?! Ya wanna invest in **** Mike’s show?! Ya’ll just gonna **** it up just like the time you tried to ruin wrestlecrapradio.com by turning it into a blog about ****in’ stir-frying sex robots! Those sons of *****es still haven’t thanked me for helpin’ them get it back though!

Jimichiro Rosshu: Go Fukushima self! I ask why you really here?! You also want to Check show buy or you want fight?!

Angry Jim: No, I don’t wanna buy this piece of ****! Although if I had the cash I would take it over and play wall-to-wall ZZ Top! No, I’m here because a ****load my BBQ sauce has been stolen and….I bet it was you who did it you son of a ***** ?! I’ve been waitin’ for an excuse to slobberknocker your *** like a Government Mule for years!

Jimichiro Rosshu: No! I not steal sauce of quality inferior! But I still karate chop you ***!

(*Angry Jim and Jimichiro start fighting and continue to brawl back and forth all the way up the street and Damien appears from wherever he was hiding to laugh hysterically*)

Mike Check: Fascinating. Unlike, those fellers, hopefully ole Mike won’t soon experience “All Hell Breaking Loose” here on…THE MACKER!

Just Don’t Care Anymore by American Fangs

*The Conversation continues…*

Raging_Demons: Woah there! I’ve never seen you this pissed! Usually you take whatever crap Angry Jim gives out.

RVM Kai: I know. And here I thought that Jim was behaving himself since “that tragedy”.

Raging_Demons: You mean since his wife…moved to The Canary Islands?

RVM Kai: Yeah. But now he’s worse than ever!? But on top of that, you caught me at a bad time because I was just on the phone before that…that…whatever the hell that was about?!

Raging_Demons: You picked up THAT Midnight Rose call?!? What did he promise this time?

RVM Kai: No, it wasn’t one of Midnight Rose’s girlfriends, in fact it was Mike Check’s Daughter.

Raging_Demons: No wonder you’re pissed? What the hell did that skanky ass whore want this time?

RVM Kai: Well Mike Check has been sent back to Prison because there was apparently some deal with Premier Blah that he could only stay out as long as Mike worked for us.

Raging_Demons: Yup, your right.

RVM Kai: WHAT?!? You knew?! Why am I only just finding out about this now?

Raging_Demons: Premier Blah explained it to me. After PB, the police, and basically what felt like forever after they found me in Mike Check’s old house thanks to what her daughter did to me. I was in the hospital healing up, and I guess PB felt sorry for what he put me through, so he explained the secret to me. And that was that Folsom Prison and the police weren’t going to let Mike Check out after the stunt that his daughter caused so he worked out basically one hell of a parole deal. I mean I would want this deal if I got sent to jail!

RVM Kai: What’s in the deal?

Raging_Demons: Well…Basically it went like this: Mike Check had to follow the rules of probation meaning if he broke just one little law, he goes back in jail. If he associated with any known gang members or criminals, he goes back in jail. If he escape house arrest, he goes back in jail. PB asked for a few more conditions to be added.

RVM Kai: Like…?

Raging_Demons: In return for working with us Mike’s prison sentence gets reduced by the time he was working for the company. If Mike Check screwed us over he goes back in jail.

RVM Kai: He did!

Raging_Demons: No that was his daughter. So Mike escaped that one. If Mike Check injured or hurt anybody on Wrestlecrapradio.com he goes back in jail. And the big one, if Mike Check was fired or he quit Wrestlecrapradio.com then he goes back in jail.

RVM Kai: And he did when he accepted STAN’s offer to save his arse from us thus quitting wrestlecrapradio.com?

Raging_Demons: Exactly. Also a good thing too since PB had to pay a LOT of money for Mike Check to get under house arrest. The money we had to pay for that ankle bracelet alone to maintain was insane!

RVM Kai: STAN pulled off a real dick move on Mike Check. I feel sorry for the guy.

Raging_Demons: Not me. I just don’t care anymore. Really. After what those two put me through for 6+ years I would not wish that on anyone. I–*checks smartphone* What the?

RVM Kai: What?

Raging_Demons: The Accounting Department was helping me out with closing Mike Check’s expense account since I was helping you out and with my new assignment, they saw something weird?

RVM Kai: You got a new assignment? Who is it? And how weird?

Raging_Demons: Well all I can say is that he was looking for a Shake Weight since the old one got broken.

RVM Kai: HIM?!? The last time he wanted a rep Iggy was doing a favor for him, and Iggy hasn’t been seen since!

Raging_Demons: I’ll be fine. Kai are you still on a call with her?

RVM Kai: No why?

Raging_Demons: Looks like your phone is off the hook there.

RVM Kai: Oh?! Son Of A–

*Click*
– – – – –

Mike’s Daughter: STAN’s behind this?!? Now I really got to get Dad out of jail!

Airplanes by B.o.B ft Hayley Williams

*Mike Check’s Daughter was right. In a fit of rage dealing with her, RVM Kai forgot to hang up on her. The following is a conversation that takes place with her still connected on the phone*

RVM Kai (breathes a sigh of relief): We definitely need to get a better front desk person. We did all that for Mike Check’s herpe-ridden daughter?!?

Raging_Demons (yelling from the background): NO JIM!

Angry Jim Ross (yelling from the background): AND WHY THE HELL NOT FAKE DEAL!

RVM Kai: Guys! Can you come in here please you’re making a lot of noise! *Brings Raging_Demons and Angry Jim Ross in and closes the door* Okay. Now what’s going on here?

Raging_Demons: Jim wants to sleep with Dark Journey! AGAIN!

RVM Kai: JIM! We already talked about this!

Raging_Demons: Oh it gets much complicated than that!

RVM Kai: How complicated?

Angry Jim: Well Kai, I wanna open my own airline franchise, with a lot of airplanes sellin’ my barbecue, and I want Dark Journey to be my head stewardess!

RVM Kai: Wait! WHAT?!?! I only had you at United to sell your damn barbecue?! What the hell happened with that?!

Angry Jim: Some damn son of a b***h complained about having a barbecue meal so I had him thrown out of a plane!

RVM Kai: YOU WHAT?!?

Raging_Demons: Oh it gets better! To correct the damage that Jim caused I had him at a local airport managing the airport meals there but it got interesting.

RVM Kai: Interesting as in…?

Angry Jim: Those, probably vegan, a**h***s refused to eat my meat after I gave them free samples so I shut down the airline, had their flights rescheduled, and I told them to go–

RVM Kai: JIM!!!

Angry Jim: So I figured I’d get some big airplanes to sell barbecue and then have some small planes to drop family meals of 4 on people’s heads. Then I get Dark Journey as the head stewardess because stewardess’ love to–

RVM Kai: No! OH HELL NO!

Angry Jim: But–!

Raging_Demons: Told you it was a bad idea Jim.

Angry Jim: Go Fu–

RVM Kai: JIM!!

Angry Jim: Fine. By the way you’re still gettin’ me to call Brock Lesnar vs Samoa Joe right?!

RVM Kai: Leave before I get you to call King Maxel vs Wolfgang Hardy!

Angry Jim: Oh and Fake Deal! You can go FLOP Yourself! *opens and slams door*

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