Well Fellers! During The Mike Check Show’s 8th Anniversary, we decided to change our progrem’s format because we were getting into a lot of hot water for not being P.C. enough…I don’t understand that reference there?… But anyway, we though why not try out becoming a show that was kid-friendly? Well, as you’d expect, it didn’t turn out so well:
Mike Check: Oh well hello there youngins! It’s me Mike Check, celebrating our “8 years of whac…” I mean our “8 year anniversary”. I’m here along with my dear daughter here on The NEW Mike Check Show. Say hello.
Mike’s daughter (*sigh*): Dad, just because we are now Rated G, do really have to change our whole format to a kids show?
Mike Check (*ignores his daughter*): Why hello there too darlin’. And yep, we are now a kiddie friendly show because there were some complaints that we needed to be more “educational”? Oh, speaking of that. Did I ever tell you fellers about the time I worked the Las Vegas Market…?
Mike’s daughter: Dad, keep it “G Rated”…
Mike Check: Oh…well me and…then we…Oh, should we play an educational song instead for the youngin’s there?
Mike’s Daughter: Yes and there’s nothing more educational than numbers, we talk about numbers all the time, don’t we dad?
Mike Check: Yep, you always are yelling at your ole pappy about you having to work at that there dancing club and don’t have enough money to support this here radio progrem. Would you like to show the youngins one of your dances?
Mike’s Daughter: NO!!…I mean, no dad. Lets hear a song about numbers?
Mike Check: I know the perfect song there; It’s “Old John Bradelum” here on…THE MACK…I mean…The NEW Mike Check Show!
Mike’s Daughter: Well that was fun. Why don’t we continue counting, starting with the very first number—
Mike Check: What’s that?
Mike’s Daughter: Really? THE NUMBER ONE!!…I mean, your such a silly billy, daddy, ha ha.
Mike Check: Well, I know a song for that too. “One” seems to be a number that is all by itself, so it must be very lonesome there. So let’s hear; “One Is The Loneliest Number”, here on The NEW Mike Check Show!
Well there fellers! Did I ever tell you fellers about the time when R-Tooth and Carmine visited The Mike Check Show? For a “Dance Break”? Well the Carmine accidentally misinterpreted my “filly” reference and…let’s just say that dancing wasn’t the only thing to “break” that day. Ouch!
Mike Check: Weeelll there fellers! Valentines’ Day is over but “Love On The Ropes Month” continues with—
(*knock at the front door and Mike Check opens front door*)
R-Truth (*at the front door with Carmella*): Whassup! I’m R-Truth and this is my mixed tag team partner Carmella. Is this the…’Mike Chalk’ residence?
Mike Check: No, you may have me confused with someone else there feller?
R-Truth: Oh sorry. My bad. Well we better get—
Carmella: Truth. Truth. I think this is Mike Check’s place. You got the name confused…a-gain.
R-Truth: Oh sorry. Yes. Hi Mike. Me and Carmella are here on our second vacation—
Carmella (*interrupts*): Truth, when you told me that we were going to California, I thought you meant L.A., Hollywood, or even Disneyland. Why did you drag me to this old loser’s house in the middle of nowheresville?
R-Truth: Carmella, don’t you know what Mike is?
Carmella: Ah? Nope.
R-Truth: Mike Check is the greatest Radio D.J. in the world?
Carmella: You knew that but you couldn’t get his name right? Whatever. What are we doing here anyway?
R-Truth: Well you know how we love our 7 second dance breaks? Well Mike will provide us with 7 times 24/7 seconds of tunes for us to party to. That’s like about…two weeks?
Mike Check: Ah? I not sure if that Math is in fact correct but, anyway, what exactly is a dance break there feller?
R-Truth: Why do you keep calling me “feller”? Are you related to Sheamus?
Mike Check: Who’s….?
R-Truth: Hold that thought. Because it’s time for a…
Both R-Truth and Carmella: DANCE BREAK!!!
Mike Check: Whoa. Fascinating. After seeing you and…oh especially that pretty filly Cinderella’s dance moves, I think that ole Mike can provide you both with a “dance break” till the end of “Love On The Ropes Month”.
R-Truth: Ha Ha. Did you just call Carmella a Filly? Ain’t that like some kinda horse?
Carmella (*Looks up after not paying attention*): What? I was just checking out my nails and I wasn’t listening. Did Mike just call me a horse?!
Mike Check: Weeelll….No. No. I meant that you’re ‘fascinating’, not that you’re literally a—
Carmella (*kicks Mike in the balls*): No Mike, I’m, Fab-u-lous. Truth, let’s go! (*storms away*)
R-Truth (*goes after Carmella*): But, But, I never got to find out if he was related to Sheamus?
Mike Check: Ouch. While my two little fellers recover, here’s 7 seconds…I mean…Twenty 4 Seven with “Is it Love” here on the…Ouch…THE MACKER!
Well fellers! During another one of ole Mike Check’s “Halloween Hootenanny’s”. The Zombie bride; Suzie Young, invaded ole Mike home. Well, as usual, it was fortunate for me and my daughter that we once again received a little help from some friends. Here is the story’s conclusion:
*What remains of The Zombie Maid Of Honor is still upright due to the unknown attacker. The attacker gets her fist out of The Zombie Maid of Honor’s head and her fallen corpse collapses on the floor.*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: How simply quite–DELIGHTFUL! YYEESS!!!
Su Yung (slowing turning around): NO! NO! IT CAN’T BE YOU! YOU WERE DEFEATED IN HELL! I PUT YOU THERE! NO! ITS NOT POSSIBLE–!!
Mike Check: ROSEMARY!
Mike’s Daughter (in the kitchen): WHAT?!
Mike Check: I said its Rosemary!
Mike’s Daughter: Its rainy?!
*Rosemary flicks her wrist*
Su Yung: But…how?!
Rosemary: WE had to protect Bunny since she was brought into Hell. After Bunny escaped Hell, WE literally fought everyone in Hell just to escape! Now WE have some catching up to do!
Mike Check: Darlin’ who’s Bunny?
Mike’s Daughter (in the kitchen): What’s funny?
*Rosemary lands such an uppercut punch to Su Yung that she staggers out of the house and into the street. Rosemary continues the onslaught of blows land punch after punch on Su Yung. Su Yung collapses in the middle of the street but is still living*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: Hurry “Mary of Roses”! Concentrate all of your energy on that vile servant of The Dark Deities so she can be–DELETED!
*”Woken” Matt Hardy and Rosemary fire all their energies at Su Yung. Su Yung is severely weakened and slowly starts to get up. Rosemary screams in disgust.*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: The vile servant of The Dark Deities is too strong! Maybe I should summon Brother Nero or Samael for their–
Mike Check: Darlin’ He’s here! The Boogeyman is here! Now you can see him!
Mike’s Daughter (in the kitchen): Can you wait for minute? I’m almost done cleaning this fishbowl!
*The Boogeyman runs from behind and gives Su Yung a Boogey Bomb. Boogeyman grabs a handful of worms from his bag and shoves them in Su Yung’s mouth.*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: GREAT SCOTT! The Man of Boogey was able to weaken the vile servant of The Dark Deities. Now everyone! Concentrate your energies on her again!
*”Woken” Matt Hardy, Rosemary, and The Boogeyman fire all their energies at Su Yung. Su Yung screams in pain until she finally explodes leaving no debris*
“Woken” Matt Hardy: That was simply–WONDERFUL! AHHAHAH YYEESSSSS! *claps* *The Boogeyman scampers off*
Mike’s Daughter: Well it took me some time but I got this fishbowl completely cleaned. “Napoleon” here is such a cutie.
Mike Check: Darlin’! You just missed the most epic battle of the century! Rosemary, that “Broken” guy, and The Boogey–
Mike’s Daughter: DAD! How many times did I tell you?! The Boogeyman is just an illusion inside your head!
Well fellers! I hate to cut a long story short, cause peole tend to say that ole Mike rambles on and on and on? I don’t know why? But anyway, after Mars was invaded by Sam and his son Damien, we got a little help from the like of Doc Brown, The Great Collie, Bookie Matt, and so on. Well, this is how the story concluded:
Mike’s Daughter (*still in STAN’s clutches*): STAN! Let me go! This stupid eating my boobs fetish is just getting freakin’ sickening!
Mike Check: Sam! Just give up! You’re now just being a yellow-bellied sore loser there feller! Let my precious Pentuinia go!
STAN: WRONG! I’m not a loser! That Lordi song that you played last year was all wrong! And why do I have to keep telling you that my name’s not Sam?! See, you’re wrong again! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
Kimar: Negative. Mike Check is factually correct. You have indeed lost. As leader of Mars I order you to surrender!
STAN: Never! This is for taking away my son! It’s lunch time! (*Stan opens is jaws wide*)
Mike’s Daughter: Help! Somebody do something?!
Mike Check: Doc! What do we do?!
Doc Brown: Great Scott! I’m sorry Mike? I’m all out of ideas?!
Khali: (*hobbles over and tosses a CD over to Mike Check*) Eepp Agh Aha!
Mike Check: This is no time for music there feller!
Doc Brown: No, Khali says this CD is “Jingle With Jillian”!…Eureka! This plan might just work?! But we need a CD player, quickly?!
Mike Check: But why? How?
Mike’s Daughter: Just do it!
Checkdar: Here, I have procured a device that will play your Compact Disk object.
Mike Check: Thanks there feller. I hope this plan works? Whatever it is?
Doc Brown: It will! Oh…and everyone block your ears this song is quite “heavy”!
(*Mike Check and Checkdar play the CD and put their fingers in their ears*)
STAN: (*Stops in his tracks, drops Mike’s Daughter and holds his ears in agony*) Aaaggghhhh! What is this?! Jillian Hall’s singing is so bad that even my evil I couldn’t have possibly powerful enough to invent this sh….?!
Mike’s Daughter: Quick! Turn up the volume! I think it’s working?!
(*Checkdar turns the volume up to 11 and it causes STAN to melt into the ground*)
STAN: Nooooo! I’m melting! I’m melting! Aaaagggghhhhh?!
Mike Check: Sam’s melted! I think we finally did it there fellers?! Now let’s find another song in celebration and “Pump Up The Volume” with MARRS here on…THE MACKER!
Well a lot of things happened when ole Mike was on the planet Mars during our 7th Anniversary, such as working in a Martian radio station, and almost getting executed for accidentally sleeping with the Martian leader; “Kidar’s” wife…hey, how was I to know what those antennas on their heads are used for? But also Sam and his evil son Damien crash land on Mars and take it over. They also kidnapped my darlin’ daughter just so Sma could….well…it’s explained why here:
(*STAN’s son Damien and the three Mazi’s have captured Mike Check’s daughter and have brought her to Mars*)
Mike’s Daughter: Let me go, you slimy creeps! And what have you done with my father?!
Mike Check: Darlin?
Mike’s daughter: Dad! You’re alright?!
Mike Check: Yes there darlin’.
STAN: Oh, how touching. I’ll give you your opportunity to say any last words with each other before I get my Mazis to connect her to the Silicone draining machine. And don’t do anything smart, as my loyal Mazi servants will shoot you!
Mike’s daughter: (*runs over to hug her dad*) Dad! I’m okay, don’t worry about me!
Mike Check: But how did they capture you?
Mike’s Daughter: Well, that pip squeak Damien apparently has shape shifting abilities now and he had disguised himself as Doc Brown. He told me that he had come back from the future and had a flying saucer to take me to Mars to save you. I was stupid enough to believe him.
Mike Check: There There, It’s not your fault. And I don’t know why this SAM would kidnap you for silicone? You don’t have one ounce of silicone in your body?
Mike’s Daughter (*nervously folds here arms over her huge fake boobs*): Uh??? Yeah, I don’t understand it either dad?
STAN (*interrupts*): Okay, the family reunion is over. So, are you ready?
Mike’s Daughter: Okay, but before you torture me, will you at least tell me how you managed to escape the Phantom Zone?
STAN: Well basically, we were floating around space and happened to bump into another Phantom Zone that contained the three Mazi prisoners, who you know, and are now my loyal servants. Anyway, we all crashed landed here on top of Chochem, and the impact caused both Phantom Zones to Shatter, allowing us all to escape! Yes, it was that easy!
Kimar: Impossible. The Phantom Zone was designed by our finest scientists in our “Intergalactic Planetary” to be Indestructible?
STAN: Yeah, and that’s the same thing that you said about your stupid Robot, Torg 6? I guess they don’t make them like they used to, huh? Your Martian technology might as well be made by the damn Trolla Corporation?
Mike Check: Hey, the Trolla company’s has made some fine good products, let me tell you. Just ask Premier Blake (*winks*).
STAN: Whatever. But before I drain Mike’s Daughter’s “silicone”, let me tell you about my evil plan that I have in store. I will use you Martians as my army of slaves to fly a fleet of your flying saucers to invade the Earth, so I can finally take it over.
Kimar: Negative! No Martian will ever follow such a plan!
STAN: Really, not even if I turn you into Jimdar’s MMQ sauce making slave? (*to Jimdar*) I could help create your MMQ restaurant side business into an Universal empire, which will be more profitable than you have ever imagined?
Jimdar: Hmmm, that plan sounds tempting?
Mike’s daughter (*interrupts*): You’re sick, STAN!
STAN: Yes, but lucky for you that you won’t have to see what will happen to the Earth because, let’s just say, that you will be the one that will be “sick” by then…and we will all “know about it” too. Now, my Mazi servants, take her away! And as for the rest of you Martians, as your new God, I command you invade—
(*voice from a distance*) Not so fast!
STAN: Oh?! Who is it now?! …Oh no, it’s Doc Brown?!
Well fellers! Remember when some martian fellers recused ole Mike from Sam and his son Damien? Well ole Mike ended up getting abducted by them, and taken back to their home Planet. The reasoning was that they needed ole Mike’s expertise as a radio disc jockey, to bring music to their planet. I didn’t know why they could have just asked me? Anyway , it also meant that my 7th Anniversary special couldn’t take place…well not on Earth anyway:
Mike’s Daughter (*Interrupts*): No Dad! There’s actually huge UFO hovering above our house and it’s jamming our signal! I think those Martians that imprisoned STAN and Damien during last years Halloween Hootenanny have returned, just like they said they would!? Where the hell is Doc Brown to help….???
(*A green Martian shows up on Mike’s Daughter’s computer screen*)
Kimar: Greetings Earthlings. I am Kimar, leader of the planet Mars and I have returned, as promised, to abduct the one you call “Mike Check”.
Mike’s Daughter: But you can’t?!
Kimar: Do not fear Mike Check and artificially breasted Earth Daughter. I come in peace. As I have told you five of your Earth months ago; we come in peace. Do you remember at that time, I had assisted you in defeating the demon in which you called STAN and his son Damien as a gesture of gratitude for your help, one Earth year previously. The unusual sound that you call “music”, which had never been heard on my planet until our radio waves picked up an earth signal of something you call “The Mike Check Show”, had helped us to destroy the Mazi rebel forces, whom were hypersensitive to such sounds, and thus ended the Great Martian War. And ever since the war’s conclusion, listening to your musical progrem has become the most popular pastime on Mars. And that is where you come in. Mike Check, I have come to take you back to my home planet for we need a radio deejay, and there are none better than you to bring us Martians this “entertainment” that you earthlings hold dear.
Mike Check (*trying to stall*): Weeell…I cannot do that right now as I am just about the start my Seven years of Whackin’ here on…
Kimar: This is not an invitation. We need you on Mars now. (*shouts out*) Get him Torg 6!
(*A 8 foot tall robot bursts through the door, grabs Mike and follows Kimar to his flying saucer*)
Mike’s Daughter: No! Bring back my dad! Oh no, now what are we going to do?!
Mike Check: Where am I?
Kimar: You Mike Check are on board my flying saucer.
Mike Check: What am I doing here feller? Take me back home. I’m not sure if I’m even allowed to leave my house? The police on Earth have put this nifty ankle bracelet on my leg and it’s supposed to warn them whenever I wonder off and get lost and these nice police fellers always seem to immediately turn up to help me back home.
Kimar: But Mike Check, I have come to take you back to my home planet Mars so you can, as you say, “play well in our particular market”. Our old and wise Chochem has prophesied that your brilliant ability to play this thing you call “music”, which is a new concept to my people, is just what we need for our race to settle into our post “Great Martian War” era.
Mike Check: Well what makes this Cho-cho feller so wise?
Kimar: That’s “Chochem”, have some respect, he is the oldest living Martian at 1000 of your Earth years old and knows and sees all. And he announced to me that we need “Mike Check on Mars”.
Mike Check: So he’s a little older than ole Mike, big deal. But why do you need me anyway? I’m sure that you smart green fellers could work out how to bang some drums or something?
Kimar: It’s much more complicated than that? For instance, after my wife arrived back from purchasing food pills for my children Bomar and Girmar, instead of expressing their desire for appetite, they were still glued to their “radios” listening to Earth musical progems. They also keep asking me strange questions like: “Father, what is “Boogie” and, Father, what is the meaning of “Rock and/or Roll?”? I have no answer for such strange questions? But you are an expert on such things because, it’s as you say, you have “worked many markets”.
Mike Check: Okay, but it sounds like you Martians fellers are a bunch of ‘squares’ if you need ole Mike to bring the Rock n’ Roll to Mars? But well whats in it for me?
Kimar: For your services, I will make sure to grant you every luxury that you have ever dreamed of; such as the best food pills you have ever tasted.
Mike Check: Don’t care. Take me home.
Kimar: We have fast flying vehicles, better than those Ferrari’s that you have on Earth.
Mike Check: No.
Kimar: Do you prefer, as you call them in Earth: Hookers?
Mike Check: So, what time do we get there “Little Martian” feller?
Well fellers! There was an unfortunate time during the Mike Check Show when our house was getting ransacked by Nazis. But fortunately for me and my daughter, we got a little help “crushing” them:
Mike’s Daughter: Oh my god this is so fun! I should had gone into radio! Here come some more crap for you Raging_Demons!
*A chorus can be heard outside singing the lyrics to “I Did A Bad Thing”*
Mike’s Daughter: Just what the hell is going out there?
*Rapid knocking on the door*
Mike’s Daughter: OK! OK!
*Mike Check’s Daughter opens the door to see a bunch of people on the front lawn with tiki torches and dressed business casual*
Mike’s Daughter: WHAT THE FU–?!?
???: Aw. You were der one that are playing rhe music of our dere goddess?
*The chorus on the lawn now sing “..Ready For It?”*
Mike’s Daughter: And who, or what exactly, is all this!?!?
Heir Weiner: Allow me to introduce ourselves here. I am Heir Veiner–
Mike’s Daughter: Hah! You called yourself WEINER!
Heir Weiner: SILENCE! As I was saying my name is Heir Veiner and we are “The White Swifties”. Ve’re a bunch of concerned gentlemen vho are concerned nowadays vith the current elewent of what’s going on today vith CERTAIN people coming into–
Mike’s Daughter: So you’re a bunch of Nazi racists that’s here on my lawn?!
Heir Weiner: SILENCE! Ve’re here because you vere playing the music of our true Aryan Goddess Taylor Swift!
Mike’s Daughter: Wait a minute! Nazi racists on my lawn worship Taylor Swift?
Heir Weiner: And ve would like it, no we DEMAND IT, that you play more about our Aryan Goddess RIGHT NOW!
Mike’s Daughter: Listen here! My dad has a little hobby of making his so-called, whatever it is, into a radio station. He has never heard of Taylor Swift at all! My dad is somewhat unconscious as we speak and there’s this douchebag of a boss that likes to request songs for himself around this time and. *goes back in the home, ejects the “Reputation” CD, puts it back in the case to show to Heir Weiner* I’m playing this god awful CD to ruin it for him!
*The White Swifties loudly gasp*
Heir Weiner: HOW DARE YOU! How dare that an Aryan naturally endowed woman like yourself–
Mike’s Daughter: They’re Natural! Wait! You said they were real. Thank you~!
Heir Weiner: Can consider The Goddess our nation’s latest album “avful”?!? *turns to the crowd* MEN! We shall take over this radio station so we can play all the Taylor Swift music ve vant!
Mike’s Daughter: NO! YOU CAN’T!
Heir Weiner: Vi Not…? *interrupted as he is speared outta nowhere by, 2018 WWE Hall Of Famer, Bill Goldberg*
Goldberg *gets up*: Why not?! Because…YOU’RE NEXT!
(Theme: Invasion by Christian Poulet and Jean-Yves Rigo)
Goldberg *picks Heir Weiner up for The Jackhammer*: Now, any more of you Nazi punks have anything to say?!
*The rest of the White Swifties run away*
Mike’s Daughter: Thank you Gold…*Goldberg grabs the Taylor Swift CD* Hey?! What are you doing?!
Goldberg: CRUSH ‘EM! *crushes CD with his foot and hands her over a Megadeth CD* And by “Crush ‘Em”, I mean that Raging_Demons sent me here for you to play this…NEXT!
Mike’s Daughter: But…*Goldberg starts to look cranky* Okay, Okay I’ll play it! *mumbles to herself* Damn that Raging_Demons.