Monthly Archives: October 2019

Two Little Men in a Flying Saucer by Ella Fitzgerald

*There’s a knock at Mike Checks front door*

Mike’s Daughter: Dad, I think the Martians are here? I’m not letting them in!

(*Mike’s daughter locks the front door but the two Martians: Checkdar and Jimdar, beam into Mike Check’s house*)

Mike’s Daughter: Oh, Dammit!…I mean…oh, hi Martians. (*lying*) We’re glad you’re here.

Checkdar: Greetings Mike Check and artificial chested daughter. It has felt a light year since we last met?

Jimdar: You nincompoop! A light year is a standard of distance measurement not time?!

Checkdar: Oh, yes. My apologizes.

Mike Check: So what have been up to there fellers?

Checkdar: My radio business has been a success. And Jimdar is starting a football league.

Jimdar: It’s “Spaceball”! “Football” is what the stupid Earthlings call it…but, affirmative, I am forming a Spaceball competition called: The XSL!

Mike Check: So where’s Kimar and Gaiedar?

Checkdar: They couldn’t make it. Kimar is busy leading Mars while Gaiedar is starting a “fantasy” Spaceball league based on Jimdar’s idea.

Jimdar: A waste of time if you ask me!? And that nincompoop is making me look negative by wearing clothing more suitable for a female and singing a some ridiculous song to advertise it. And that is not all, now Gaiedar now wants to be called; The XSL Fantasy Spaceball Queen?!

Mike Check: Fascinating. So what brings you two fellers here?

Jimdar: Kimar has now gained a new lousy idea ever since he wanted to bring your vile music to Mars! His offspring; Bomar and Girmar have discovered an Earth Holiday known as “Halloween” and we were sent here to Earth to retrieve information about a pointless activity known as “Trick Or Treating”!?

Mike’s Daughter: Trick Or Treating, eh? I’d like to help you guys but my head still hurts…wait!…but I know a friend that can help you with that?

Mike Check: Yes, but it’s a bit late right now, so why don’t you spend the night listening to “Two Little Men in a Flying Saucer” by Ella Fitzgerald here on…THE MACKER!

Jimdar: Are you implying falsehoods that we are “miniature” in size?! Go Kcuf Yourself!

Mike Check: Uh? It’s just the name of the song there feller.

Mr. Spaceman by The Byrds

Mike’s Daughter: Halloween Hootenanny has been such a hectic month. This year, especially. And it’s still another week away from Halloween! I think we should shut down The Mike Check Show until November? I’m tired, my head still hurts and don’t think I can take anymore of demons fighting over cursed wrestling autobiographies?

Mike Check: No darlin’. Rain, hail or shine, ole Mike Check never cancels a radio progrem for nothin’…well, until the radio executives do it for me by firing me, of course? Oh, that reminds me of something. Did I ever tell you fellers about the time I got myself fired working the—

*Mike Check is interrupted by a huge beam of light shining from the sky*

Mike Check: It can’t be daylight already, it’s close to midnight here at KMCR?

Mike’s Daughter: Uh Dad? The last time we saw a beam of light like that was when the Martians abducted you last year. Oh no, I think Those Martians are back?! Can we pretend that we’re not here or something?!

Mike Check: No, darlin’. Hopefully, unlike our recent guests, the Martians will be coming here in peace and probably just want to listen to our Halloween music with us? Which reminds me. Martians or no Martians, Halloween Hootenanny WILL continue with today’s song; It’s “Mr. Spaceman” by The Byrds, here on…The MACKER!

Ziggy Stardust by David Bowie

Rosemary: Ungh! OUR head. What happened to US? *slowly gets up* I don’t see James nor that creature that attacked it. *looks outside* The Woken One is gone! *sees Mike Check & his daughter unconscious and checks on them* Well at least both of them are ok. WE have to admit old man, at first we saw you as a perverted man trying to defile OUR body, but you protected US from James and you tried to take care of US. Maybe your not that bad as WE thought you were. *Rosemary kneels over to the unconscious Mike Check and gives him a peck on the cheek* Now all WE need is The Book and…No. NO! Where is The Book?! It was supposed to be near where James was attacked by that “Fiend”, but now I don’t see it here!

*Rosemary searched the entire house for The Cursed Dusty Rhodes Book but she couldn’t find it anywhere. Rosemary then exits The Mike Check home*

Rosemary: Damn it James! You just had to take that book didn’t you? *Sobbing* That was OUR best chance to bring Bunny back and now its gone!

*A black limousine pulls up, Cody Rhodes exits the limo*

Cody Rhodes (to Driver): Keep the engine running, it won’t be long. *notices Rosemary* Oh HI! Rosemary right?

Rosemary: YOU are probably here for The Book, aren’t you?

Cody Rhodes: Well there’s that but I have others errands here as well. Where’s Mike Check?

Rosemary: Unconscious.

Cody Rhodes: Well since the door is open I might as well–

Rosemary: The Book is gone!

Cody Rhodes: Oh. Well I’m still going in anyways. *opens his jackets and he takes out a white envelope, he goes inside Mike Check’s home to place the envelope on Mike Check’s radio equipment & then leaves the house* You know Rosemary, we could use you in AEW?

Rosemary: WE are happy where WE are!

Cody Rhodes: Well. I heard your story on the radio, its pretty hard to dodge it with the boys in the back. Kenny Omega is a huge fan for whatever reason. To be honest I felt how you are feeling right now when my Dad died. I learned that when my Dad died it was quite sudden but I’ve never been more closer to him than ever before. I cherished the time with him. All the experiences and love that he gave me. I will never take that for granted. You shouldn’t either.

Rosemary: Thank you for the compassion.

Cody Rhodes: I also brought one more thing. You can come out now.

*The limo door opens and Allie steps out*

Rosemary: Bunny? BUNNY!

*Rosemary leaps for joy and hugs Allie*

Rosemary: I missed you Bunny!

Allie (AEW): Who’s Bunny?

*Rosemary lets her go in shock*

Rosemary: Your not OUR Bunny.

Allie (AEW): I’m here because Cody said you lost someone that may had looked like me. I wanted to come that will tell you that I’m sorry for your loss. Everything will be OK!

Rosemary: Heh. Your not OUR Bunny but you did a very Bunny thing.

Allie (AEW): Our? Don’t you mean–?

Cody Rhodes: Ladies, I would love to hear this but I need to go now. We can give you a ride Rosemary if you like?

Rosemary: Yes WE would like that.

*Rosemary, Allie, & Cody get in the limo and it drives off. In that exact moment Mike Check and his daughter wake up*

Mike Check: What happened here?

Mike’s Daughter: How come I felt violated in the worst way possible and I didn’t give consent?

Mike Check: Do you know what happened here?

Mike’s Daughter: Not a clue?

Mike Check: I may have been half unconscious, but I thought that saw “Ziggy Stardust” take that Roseiemarie away?

Mike’s Daughter: I think you were just dreaming it, dad? David Bowie is no longer with us, remember?…but stranger things have happened this month already…But, Whatever. My head hurts.

Let Me In by Code Orange

*As “the possessed” Mike Check’s Daughter comes close to strangling the life out of Mike Check and Rosemary, all of a sudden, she stops and lets go, making Mike Check and Rosemary collapse from the sheer shock of being choked to death.*

Mike’s Daughter (as Su Yung): UNGH! ARGH!

Father James Mitchell: What’s going on?!

Mike’s Daughter (as Su Yung): THE MEMORIES! THE MEMORIES THAT THIS BODY HOLDS! WHY WOULD SATAN WANTS TO EAT MY BOOBS?! UNGH! MIKE CHECK PISSED OFF CANADA!! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?!

Mike Check: What’s going on?!

Rosemary: OUR best guess is that the memories that your daughter has are overwhelming Su Yung.

Mike’s Daughter (as Su Yung): OH GOD! SEEING HIM HAVING SEX WITH THAT GIRL!!

Father James Mitchell: Hurry! Kill Them! I can’t hold it much longer!

Mike’s Daughter (as Su Yung): I SEE SOME GUY WANTING TO TAKE MIKE CHECK AWAY! I CAN’T HAVE THAT! I HAVE TO HURT–UNGH! OH NO! NO! ITS! MIKE CHECK PLEASURING HIMSELF! ARGH!

*Su Yung leaves the body of Mike Check’s Daughter and evaporates. Mike Check’s Daughter collapses and falls unconscious*

Mike Check: DARLIN’ ARE YOU OK?!

Rosemary: WE have got bigger problems to deal with.

Father James Mitchell (slowly getting up): WHY?!? Why are you so hard to kill Mike Check! WHY?!? I’ll use whatever is left in my body to KILL YOU!!!

*A car pulls out in the rain and honks its horn then someone walks up to the Mike Check home*

Bray Wyatt (knocks on the open door): Matt? Are you here? YOWIE WOWIE! What’s going on here?!

“Big Money” Matt Hardy: OhThankYoyForPickingMeUpHereThesePeopleAreWeird! *Matt Hardy runs out of the house, opens the door to the car, and gets in the car*

Mike Check: Thanks feller. Who are you anyways?

Bray Wyatt (sheepishly shy): I’m Bray Wyatt sir, nice to meet you.

Mike Check: Why does that name sound familiar? Wait! Your that feller that stole my kids idea back in April?!

Bray Wyatt (shy): Guilty as charged, but I didn’t steal it, I was inspired by it! When I heard you on the air, you inspired me! So I made “Firefly Fun House” to teach kids! I can’t do that anymore *hangs head down in sadness* because that bully Seth Rollins “burned down” and destroyed my Firefly Fun House. And Seth knows how much I am afraid of fire.

Mike Check: Aw! Me too there feller. I don’t know this Beth Mollins, but he sounds like such a fiend? But Don’t feel bad there feller! In my years doing radio I knew that there would be another radio market that I would go to, you shouldn’t give up on making a new Swampfly Fun House.

Bray Wyatt: Gee! Thanks Mister Check! I’ll go ahead and do that!

Father James Mitchell (barely standing): ALL RIGHT! THAT’S IT WITH THE SOB STORY! Why not add another body to the count?! TIME TO DIE!

Bray Wyatt: I got this Mister Check. “He” protects me and “He’ll” protect you too. As long as you *Thunder and lightning* Let Me In.

Mike Check: I did! You’re in my house right now!

Father James Mitchell: Who gives a damn with all this crap!?

Bray Wyatt (Serious deadpan look to Father James Mitchell): Let Me In!

Father James Mitchell: I don’t care about this nonsense! *opens The Cursed Dusty Rhodes Book* Time to die!

*Thunder and lightning sounds and the power goes off. In the flickering images “The Fiend” is there applying on the Mandible Claw on Father James Mitchell. “The Fiend” goes after Mike Check and Rosemary when suddenly…*

Tubular Bells by Mike Oldfield

Su Yung (Ghost): What you will do is to use the book on the one with the–

Father James Mitchell: The one with the comedic huge boobs?

Su Yung (Ghost): Yes that’s it! You will use The Book to force a possession on me into her so I can KILL Mike Check!

Father James Mitchell: But why not on the other two?

Su Yung (Ghost): Because if Mike Check dies of suicide, it would be all for nothing and Rosemary’s demon body is immune to demonic possessions! Now, are you ready?

Father James Mitchell (opens The Cursed Dusty Rhodes Book): Yes.

Mike’s Daughter: Why are they looking at me like that?

*Father James Mitchell recites pages from The Cursed Dusty Rhodes book as Su Yung’s wraith-like form is slowly sucked into Mike Check’s Daughter, Mike Check’s Daughter screams in pain!*

Mike Check: DARLIN’! Are You ok!

Mike’s Daughter: Oh I’m perfectly fine…(with Su Yung’s voice) Father.

Mike Check: You never called me that before?

Mike’s Daughter (as Su Yung): BWA HAH HAH HAH! OH THIS IS GREAT! IT’S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I HAD A BODY! THESE BOOBS HOWEVER *starts grabbing her huge boobs* OH THIS IS NICE! I’M FEELING ALL SORTS OF AROUSAL AND PLEASURE!

Mike Check: WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!

Rosemary: Looks like James used The Book to force Su Yung to take over your daughter’s body!

Mike Check: Like that movie where the girl spit that soup?

Rosemary (sigh): Yes.

*Father James Mitchell is getting weaker by the moment as he’s on both of his knees, trying to keep The Book open*

Father James Mitchell: Su, snap out of it! YOU HAVE TO KILL THE BOTH OF THEM NOW! I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN HOLD OF IT!

Mike’s Daughter (as Su Yung): OH YEAH RIGHT! THIS BODY’S SENSATIONS ARE SO OVERWHELMING!

*Mike Check’s Daughter quickly runs up, grabs both Mike Check and Rosemary by the throat, and lifts them up in the air!*

Mike’s Daughter (as Su Yung): YOU TWO WERE A THORN AT MY SIDE! YOU HAVE NO SERVANT OF THE SEVEN DEITIES TO HELP YOU! YOU HAVE NO BOOGEYMAN! YOU ARE MINE TO KILL!

Ghosts by Japan

*Su Yung and The Zombie Bridal Party are at Mike Check’s front door, which is open. As soon as they enter the house; Su Yung and The Zombie Bridal Party each turn into ghosts while The Zombie Maid Of Honor turns into a skeleton with a missing face and a fist-sized hole on the back of her head and falls apart*

Mike’s Daughter: What happened? They look like…Ghosts?

Rosemary: WE do not understand this!

*The remaining ghosts cause enough of a distraction for Father James Mitchell to find The Cursed Dusty Rhodes Book and get it back into his possession. Su Yung finds Father James Mitchell and rushes at him!*

Su Yung (Ghost): WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Father James Mitchell: I brought you back so you can kill Mike Check.

Su Yung (Ghost): BUT YOU DID IT WRONG! WHEN YOU BRING SOMEONE BACK FROM THE DEAD YOU NEED THE ORIGINAL VESSEL!

Mike Check: I’m not sure I understand that particular reference there?

Rosemary (barely standing up): What WE understand is this. To bring back the dead, you need the original body so the soul can return there. If the original body was damaged or destroyed they become–

Mike’s Daughter: A ghost?

Rosemary: Correct. The Zombie Bridal Party exploded last year while Su Yung was vaporized by myself, The Woken One, and The Boogeyman.

Mike’s Daughter: But what about her? *pointing to the skeletal remains of The Zombie Maid Of Honor*

Mike Check: Oh that’s easy to explain, darlin’. Rosemary personally destroyed that one. See that fist-sized hole? She punched that thing through the back of the head to kill her!

Su Yung (Ghost): HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KILL MIKE CHECK IF I CAN’T EVEN TOUCH HIM!?

Father James Mitchell: I didn’t know that this would end up this way! I–

Su Yung (Ghost): IS THAT THE CURSED BOOK OF DUSTY RHODES THAT YOUR HOLDING?

Father James Mitchell: Why yes it is!

Su Yung (Ghost): I HAVE…AN IDEA!!!

Blood On Our Hands by Death From Above 1979

*Su Yung and The Zombie Bridal Party slowly shambles more closer to Mike Check’s Home*

Father James Mitchell: Oh Michael! What am I going to do with you?

Mike Check: You could, oh I don’t know, leave us alone and go away there feller?

Father James Mitchell: We have one little problem here. Of course, Su Yung is coming over here soon to sever you from this mortal coil, shall we say. Even though I do enjoy your work; I have to admit that I do want to kill you right now before she gets here. You see Michael, after poor Sue’s death that you caused–

Mike Check: No I didn’t! I-

Father James Mitchell: That YOU caused! Was that there was a lot of lawsuits at the station and I asked you to do ONE THING! Take care of the arrangements for poor Sue’s funeral. That’s it. We lost a lot of employees left the station, so I had to pick you to assist me. You completely screwed up the funeral in ways that still defied me to this day!

Mike’s Daugther: My Dad really is–

Father James Mitchell: SHUT UP WHORE!

Mike Check: I told you to stop calling my daughter a whore!

Father James Mitchell: And What?! What are you going to do with me?! *Thunder and lightning go off as rain stars pouring outside extinguishing the flames of Su Yung and The Zombie Bridal Party* Like what you did to Sue?! You desecrated her grave by misspelling her name “SU YUNG”!

*Thunder and lightning*

Mike’s Daughter: My Dad is really bad with–

Father James Mitchell: SHUT UP NOW WHORE OR ELSE THE SOUNDS YOUR GOING TO MAKE ARE THE SOUNDS OF YOUR DEATH!!!

Mike Check: Feller. You call her a whore one more time and I won’t be responsible with my actions!

Father James Mitchell: The Blood On Our Hands will be sweet when Su Yung, and myself will kill you, Rosemary, and…your. Little. Disease-ridden. WHORE!!!

*Mike Check sucker punches Father James Mitchell so hard, he’s off his feet and The Cursed Dusty Rhodes Book is sent flying*

Rosemary: GET THE BOOK!

*Before Mike Check and his daughter can get The Cursed Dusty Rhodes Book, The front door is blown open as Su Yung and her Zombie Bridal Party have arrived*

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