Burning Down The House by Tom Jones with The Cardigans
Mike’s Daughter: Are we still on?
Mike Check: I think we are there darlin’?
Mike’s daughter: I thought we’d be cancelled by now, especially after yesterday’s Gay Popeye disaster?
Mike Check: Hold on?! Ain’t we supposed to be talking to the youngin’s right now?
Mike’s daughter: What’s the point. I’m not sure anyone’s even listening?
Mike Check: Perhaps some feller is after all?
Mike’s daughter (*picks up phone*): Hello, KMCR?
“The President”: Hello, I’m The President and I am putting you two back on the air. That’s not “Fake News”.
Mike’s daughter: Thank you Mr President, I guess? And I’m sorry about “that” movie—
“The President”: Oh, I’m still going to punish you for that movie, it’s true. By “Burning Down The House”…BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mike Check: Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
Mike’s daughter: Dad. The house is okay? He just played the Tom Jones cover of that song…but why?
“The President”: That’s because I am not who you think I am…I am…STAN (*cue lightning strike sound-effect*)
Mike Check: This is not time for Dr. Seuss stories there feller! And just so you know, I’m not gonna more than half price for that wall, no sir ree bob!
STAN: What wall? What are you taking about? It’s me STAN: “The Evil Troll Lord”. You know…you beat me in that song battle two years ago?
Mike Check: ???
STAN: I attempted to take over Mars and form a Martian army last year in order to take over the Earth?
Mike Check: ???
Mike’s daughter: The creep who wanted to eat my breasts!
Mike Check: Oh, THAT “SAM”. But why there feller?
STAN: This whole thing was just to troll you both. That’s what I do. Except this year it was just some harmless fun. I mean, that whole kids show you guys tried to pull all month; that was just “awful”…which is a good thing because the word…or should I say: “word of the day” (*laughs*)…sorry, the word “awful” means “brilliant” in my dark realm.
Mike’s daughter (*sarcastically*): Thanks, thanks a lot.
STAN: Oh, and maybe I should tell you? You never actually made that adult film about having relations with the President. I just payed some ugly blonde that looks like you to make that adult tape with Peter North. And I merely implanted those thoughts, that you did it, in your mind to make you paranoid and do exactly what “The President” wanted. Isn’t that great?
Mike’s Daughter: NO! You really had me feeling so disgusted with myself for no reason! I should have known “our President” wouldn’t have ever have ordered this show to become more P.C.? And I now feel so stupid for falling for it. So, will you stop bothering us now and let us continue The Mike Check Show as normal?
STAN: Very well. I hear Bray Wyatt stole your kids show idea and doing a better job at it than you both, anyway. And besides, Tam Sytch and Billy Graham need me right now…I wonder if I can get TAM to commit another DUI or possess “Silly” Billy to tweet Lio Rush to take Steroids?…Nah…that’s just too easy. Oh Goodbye…and worship THE STAN! BWHAHAHAHAHA! (*hangs up phone*)
Mike’s daughter: Grrrrr! Now you could say that I’ve been waiting all month to say this “word”, and it starts with the letter “F”!
Mike Check: Yep…Fascinating.