Good Planets Are Hard To Find by Steve Forbert
*knock at the door*
Mike Check: I wonder who our special guest is today on The New Mike Check Show there darlin’?
Mike’s Daughter (*opens front door*): Oh, it’s WWE World Champion, Daniel Bryan!
Theme: “Flight of the Valkyries by Jim Johnston”
Daniel Bryan: Hello, but get my name right next time, my name is the NEW Daniel Bryan and I’m STILL the Planet’s Champion!
Mike’s Daughter: Oh sorry, “NEW Daniel Bryan”, do you have a word of the day for our younger listeners to learn?
Daniel Bryan: Yes, the word of the day is “sustainability”.
Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that particular reference there feller?
Daniel Bryan: What!? Don’t you know what being “sustainable” is? It’s “the avoidance of the depletion of natural resources in order to maintain an ecological balance”! You know, this is the problem with the world today, we have to dumb things down to cater to the fickle masses! Oh that’s the new word for today (*points at Mike and his daughter*) “FICKLE”!
Mike’s Daughter: Uh, Daniel—?
Daniel Bryan: And kids, I bet your fickle parents drove you to school today in a gasoline fueled car?! Cars that pollute the airways and thus causing Global warming which leads to the melting of the polar ice caps! And you know what that means?! The north pole will melt into the ocean and there will be no more Christmas and no more presents! That also means, no more consumption of meaningless items with packaging that either ends up in landfill or pollutes our waterways, killing innocent wildlife!
Mike’s Daughter: Uh, Kids. Daniel is just trying to play a baddie.
Daniel Bryan: Baddie? So I’m the bad guy for telling the truth and caring for the environment?! I’m here because I’m the only one that can save you from your FICKLE parents’ destruction of the planet!
Mike’s Daughter: No, that’s not what I—
Daniel Bryan: And you know another truth? I bet your parents feed their bodies with murdered innocent farm animal caucuses also?! That Lamb or cow could have been someones’ pet?! Would you eat your own dog or cat? I don’t think—
Mike Check (*interrupts*): Uh? Why thank ya there Daniel with your lesson on the environment, so here’s a song all about that here on The NEW Mike Check Show!
Daniel Bryan: The NEW Mike Check Show?! Are you trying to mock my NEW name Mike?! FICKLE! Change it!
Mike Check: NO—
(*Daniel is about to put Mike in the “Lebell Lock” but…:*)
[*five minutes later*]
Mike’s Daughter: Uh, my dad is having his nap time now so here’s “Good Planets Are Hard To Find” by Steve Forbert: