Longnecks And Rednecks by Montgomery Gentry
…Mike Check: Now what in tarnation is that?
Disco Inferno (*Walks in and interrupts Ronda Rousey/Becky Lynch/Charlotte Flair’s heated argument*): Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! It’s 3:16 day, we shouldn’t be here at Mike Check’s house bickering. We should be celebrating the originator of the “Stone Cold Stunner” and that’s…me: The Disco Inferno! Without yours truly, this whole day wouldn’t have been possible. Because everybody knows, that Austin ripped off my “Chart Buster” and renamed it. Just like that schmuck Jericho ripped off my “list” idea, and Scott “Tuggles” D’Amore ripped off my “Ultimate-X” concept.
Becky Lynch: That’s funny Glenny? But no one ripped off the “Invisible man” or “Bill Ding” The Evil Architect, though?
Disco: That’s very disrespectful. But you wanna speak about “funny”? Isn’t it funny that the wrestling business is in so much dire straits right now that Vince McMahon would desperately book a Women’s Title Main Event at Wrestlemania 35? Really, I mean Ronda, Becky, Charlotte, you are all talented in your own way, I’ll give you that. But it’s a proven fact that nobody wants to see women using arm-bars? No, they want T and A. That’s why Mandy Rose in her underwear received more YouTube views than any of your videos. So I suggest that if you want bigger buy-rates, why don’t you ladies consider making it a “Bra and Panties” match? And I know you’re looking at me mad right now, but by the way, it was me that led you all to Mike Check’s place, in this neutral location, because what you need right now is a “REAL MAN” to tell you in person to; go home, go cook some food and go do the laundry, until your heads are in the place they’re supposed to be.
(*The women, especially Ronda, are fuming mad at Disco. Ronda is about to put Disco in an armbar, but stops after seeing someone approaching Disco from behind*)
Mike Check: There’s someone behind ya there feller?
Disco: It’s probably just Scarlett Bordeaux? A woman, like all of you, who thinks she can actually beat me? A man? And I’m going to make an example out her at Against All Odds. (*is tapped on the back of the shoulder and turns around*) Wait? You’re not Scarlett? Hey, I know you? Aren’t you that fat guy in WWE who ripped off the “Stunner”?
Kevin Owens (*is behind Disco*) Yep. (*gives Disco the “Stone Cold Stunner”*) You need to keep your stupid condescending mouth shut, Disco, you pretentious jackass. And that’s the bottom line, wink, wink…And Disco sucks, by the way.
Mike’s daughter (*comes out drunk, holding a whisky bottle*): What’s going on here! (*throws bottle at the wrestlers*) Can’t a girl drown her sorrows in peace around here anymore?! Go Away! (*Mike’s Daughter sobs as the Wrestlers shrug their shoulders, give the fallen Disco each a kick and leave in their own directions*) Now it’s *hiccup* time for some “Longnecks and Rednecks”…Whoooo! (*collapses to the ground*)
Mike Check: Fascinating. Well as my daughter was saying, here’s the theme to Cold Stone’s “Redneck Island”, here on THE MACKER!
(*Disco and Mike’s Daughter wake up from unconsciousness*):
Disco: Uh? But isn’t that James Storm’s theme?
Mike’s Daughter: Shut up Disco! (*breaks another whisky bottle and chases Disco away with it*)
Mike Check: Fascinating.