Enigma by Tim Souster
Kimar: Greetings again Mike Check. I have assembled my crew, Jimdar, Gaiedar and Checkdar. And we are ready for the musical commentary progrem that will commence right now.
Mike Check: Weeelll, oh I just remembered yesterday was WWWF’s Wrestlemaina and I darn missed it. Oh and speaking of “Wrestlemania”, the second annual event of that particular progream was broadcast from three different locations in the USA. Perhaps we could do that same thing where I can go back home to Earth and you Martian fellers can still do it from here–
Kimar: Negative. You will remain in this location Mike Check. Now, I will now commence broadcast so choose a musical piece immediatly in three, two, one:
Mike Check: Weelll Fellers, you’re listening to “The Mike Check Show” And My new friends…uh what are their names again???
Kimar: Jimdar, Gaiedar and Checkdar!
Mike Check: Oh yes and we will be playing “Enigma” by Tim Souster Live…on MMCR: THE MACKER!
Mike Check: Did you know that, not only was this song used as the theme the the WWWF Collesuem Home Videos, but this song was also used in the lead up to Wrestlemania 2?
Checkdar: Interesting tune but may I ask: What’s Wrestlemania?
Mike Check: Weelll Wrestlemania is a Wrestling show, the biggest show of the year in fact…oh, did I ever tell you fellers about the time when this big nasty man called King Kong Bundy wanted to beat up Hulk Hogan in a Big Blue cage?
Checkdar: So if I understand from your Earth culture, a gigantic ape creature performed a grappling contest with a muscular green mutated human? And I can see why they required a cage, that sounds dangerous?
Mike check: Not quite–
Gaiedar: Your information is miscalculated as usual Checkdar. You are referring to fictional characters from Earth literature. The Earthlings that Mike Check refers to as Bundy and Hulk were merely human males, one was a big bad brute and the other wore red and yellow tights and and appearance was…LARGE…AND MUSCULAR!
Jimdar: Who cares! That sounds like garbage! Another example of Earth’s sporting activities being pathetic compared to those of Mars!
Mike Check: So what better sports or entertainment do you have here Johndar?
Jimdar: My correct name is Jimdar! And on Mars we in engage in an activity known as Spaceball where one squadron must stop the opposing squadron from carrying an oval shaped pig-skin over a line, this is called a down-touch. Did you know that I at one time scored four down-touches in just one match?!
Mike Check: You mean as in a touch-down as in American Football? We have the same sport back on earth there feller.
Jimdar: That’s impossible! But…even if that’s so, none of your inferior squadrons could never match my squad of choice: The Mooners!
Mike Check: The Mooners? That’s a fasinating name for a team there feller (*snickers*)
Jimdar: Go Kcuf Yourself! What’s so amusing about…!?
Mike Check: (*interrupts*): Hold on a second there feller, the song is about to end and in honor of my old friends on earth RJ and Brad I must make this sound….(*makes fake orgasmic sound*) Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!
Jimdar: What on Mars was that noise that you just produced! That sounded ridiculous!
Mike Check: Weeelll feller, it was a joke from a radio program known as WWCR: The Whacker. Whenever they played this song before their “Question of the Week” segment, at the end of it RJ would–
Gaiedar (*interrupts*): Whatever it was Mike Check, it sure sounded pleasurable. Please repeat that sound, repeat it quickly.
Mike Check: Uh? No.