Rock-It On Mars by Terry Dunavan
Mike Check: So where’s that Kingdar feller? I need to ask him something?
Checkdar: The correct name is Kimar. And I will willingly make contact with him via my communication device you Earthlings call the “telephone”. (*phone rings*)
Kimar (*on the phone*): Greetings! You have requested me Checkdar?
Checkdar: Affirmative. Mike Check requests a question?
Kimar: Very well. Mike Check, have you been finding our living and working arrangements pleasurable?
Mike Check: Weelll, yes there…except I’m not sure about this Gaiedar feller?
Kimar: Understood. Like Jimdar, Gaiedar has also picked up some of your strange Earthling stereotypical characteristics since the Great Martian War. But I assure you that he is harmless.
Mike Check: Okay, so I’m also enjoying my stay here and all but how long before I get to go home to my lonely daughter who must be missing ole Mike terribly right now?
Kimar: Go back? Negative, Mike Check. You belong to Mars for the rest of your natural life. But why would you request to leave? Are you not enjoying the pleasures that Mars has to offer?
Mike Check: And speaking of “pleasures” there feller? What happened to my Martian Hookers?
Kimar: Look, Mike Check. I am not what you Earthlings call “A Pimp”? And it may take a period of time to train some of our females to cater to your pleasures. One such problem is that we have discovered that our Martian biology is incompatible with those of Earth’s–
Mike Check: (*sarcasm*) Well no, Ho Ho Ho. That’s just swell there feller! So what am I supposed to do here?!
Kimar: Allow me reveal my next point, Mike Check. I have comprised an idea where I will team you up with a crew of my choosing and you will listen to Earth music and then make amusing commentary about it.
Mike Check: What if I choose not do it there feller? You can’t keep me here as some sort of prisoner?
Kimar: On Mars, there is no such thing as “choice”. We must all must fulfill our duties as good citizens. I will contact you next Mars day and give you further instructions.
Mike Check: Well I guess I have no choice but to “Rock-It On Mars” here on MMCR: THE MACKER!