First Man On Mars by Jackie Fautheree
Kimar: Mike Check. Today we have arrived on Mars, my home planet, and you will be working here in this new facility that we have constructed that you call a…radio studio?
Mike Check: That’s “Radio Station”. Nice place you’ve got here feller.
Kimar: Come. I want to introduce you to my crew that will be working with you on your radio pro…grem? This my 2nd in command Jimdar.
Jimdar: Go Kcuf yourself!
Kimar: You’ll have to excuse Jimdar, he is been a very angry Martian since the Great martian war ended?
Mike Check: Yeah, he kinda reminds me of this Oklahoman feller that I knew on earth.
Kimar: And this is my assistant Chekdar. He is your biggest fan.
Checkdar (*does Mike check imitation*): Weeelll there feller! (*trips over*) Ohhhh!
Kimar: My apologies. Checkdar can also be also a clumsy fool.
Mike Check: Weellll nice to meet you to there feller. (*extends his hand*)
Checkdar (*get up and stares at Mike’s hand*): There’s nothing in it? What are you giving me?
Mike Check: My hand to shake. That’s how we greet each other on earth. (*shakes Checkdar’s hand and then turn his attention back to Kimar*) So what are those pointy things on top of you feller’s heads anyway?
Kimar: They’re our antenna—
Jimdar: Stupid question.
Mike Check: I bet you get some great radio reception from those things?
(*The Martians look at Mike blankly and Jimdar facepalms*)
Mike Check: Uh anyway, speaking of my “reception”…where’s my Martian Hookers there feller?
Kimar: There’s plenty of time for that afterwards. But now we must continue your Mike Check Show and we require a song.
Checkdar: And I will count you down in 3…2…1:
Mike Check: Weeell since ole Mike is probably the first Earth man on Mars, that sounds like a cue to play “First Man On Mars” by Jackie Fautheree, here on THE MACKER!