Return To Church by John Carpenter and Alan Howarth / Devil In A Fast Car by Sheena Easton
Mike’s Daughter: Are Angry Jim and his Japanese cousin still fighting out there?
Mike Check: Looks out the window. I’m afraid so darlin’. It seems that this fight is very…very…very…very long. It kinda reminds me of this film where this feller finds some sunglasses and sees Aliens, so he tries to get his friend to put him on but he refuses so they have a fight which seemed six hours long–
Mike’s Daughter: Yeah, you mean “They Live” starring “Rowdy” Roddy Piper…oh that gives me an idea? If no one “living” can help us with our “devil child Damien problem, perhaps I could get out the Seancetrolla and summon a ghost that I think could help us? (*gets out Seancetrolla and starts chanting*) Rowdy Roddy! Rowdy Roddy! Rowdy Roddy!
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper (*appears and stands outside Mike’s front door with a shotgun*): I’ve come here to chew gum bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m all outta bubblegum!
Mike’s Daughter: Great. Now, can you shoot Damien for me?
Damien: Oh no, I’m a goner! I better summon some help right now?
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper : Mama don’t like tattletales!
(*Just as The Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper is about to pull the trigger of his shot gun, The Boogeyman appears*)
[Theme: “Coming To Get Ya!” by Jim Johnston]
The Boogeyman: Bwhahahaha! (*smashes a clock over his head*) I’m The Boogeyman! And I’m comin’ to get ya!
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: You know, you look like your head fell in cheese dip back in 1957!
Mike’s Daughter: Wait? Who are you talking to?
Mike Check (*hiding behind his daughter*): Roddy’s talking to The Boogeyman! Oh no there, he’s coming to get me!
Mike’s Daughter (*looks around*): What Boogeyman?!
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: You can’t see him?! He’s right here in front of you!
(*The Boogeyman waves at Mike’s Daughter*)
Mike’s Daughter: Where?!
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper (*takes off his sunglasses and gives them to Mike’s Daughter*): Put these glasses on!
Mike’s Daughter: I don’t think that will work…?
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: I said, put them on!
Mike’s Daughter: Okay, okay! (*puts the glasses on and looks around*) Nope.
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: Really?! Nothing?!
Mike’s Daughter: No…wait…where did all those “Mike Check Is My Favorite Wrestlecrap Radio TNA Correspondent” billboards come from?… I guess that might actually explain your popularity dad?!
Damien: Fools! Why are you all standing around! Why don’t you fight each other like I made them (*Damien points over to Angry Jim and Jimichiro Rosshu who are still fighting but are now tired and are leaning on each other while trying to throw punches. They then both collapse*)…?!
Boogeyman (*sigh*): Jimichiro-sama! I’m comin’ to get ya! (*goes to Jimichiro’s almost unconscious body and drags him away*)
Mike’s Daughter: What’s happening?!
Mike Check: Weelll, that Japanese feller over there made a Boogeyman robot to kidnap Ringo Starr two years ago and I guess he’s now dragging his master back home?
Mike’s Daughter: What Boogeyman robot?! I still can’t see who you’re all looking at?! But…I now see Bob Caudle dragging Angry Jim away?
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: No, I’m not talking about Bob Caudle! You still don’t see The Boogeyman?! And I thought I lost a lot of brain cells?! (*takes his sunglasses away from Mike’s Daughter*)! Now what was I here for again?!
Damien (*points across the road*): Look! There’s a kid not wearing neon green and I think that other kid next to him might be eating candy before he taking it home?
Ghost of Rowdy Roddy Piper: Agghh! (*runs across the road, dodging cars almost running him over, and starts chasing the random Trick or Treaters*) Hey kid! You forgot to say “Please and Thank Ya!”
Damien: And watch out for the “Idiots In Cars”! Bwhahahah!
Mike Check: Fascinating.