The Girl’s A Devil by The Dukays
(*knock at the door*)
Mike’s Daughter (*opens door*): Oh, not you again?!
[Theme: “Tony’s Theme” by Giorgio Moroder]
The Midnight Rose: Eey chica. The Midnight Rose is back and ready to make you my wife, mang!
Mike’s Daughter: What the hell are you doing here?! Didn’t you get the hint that I didn’t want you in my life after my dad, who’s probably like 50 years your senior, kicked your ass like four months ago!?
The Midnight Rose: But chica. Your son told me that you wanted me back on the Tweeter, mang?
Mike Daughter: My so…I don’t have a…?! Oh, let me guess. See this devil kid here (*points to Damien*), this is Damien the son of STAN The Evil Troll Lord, I’m guessing that he trolled you by posing as “my so-called son”, thus misleading you to come all the way here? So just like Mark Tyson from yesterday, I suggest that you leave before he does something bad to you?!
The Midnight Rose: This is reedicculous! “Something bad”?! I wanna do something bad to you now, chica! (*grabs Mike’s daughter*) I’m taking you to church right…(*stops*) Wait, chica!? What happened to your boobs?!
Mike Daughter: I told you, Damien does bad things to people. A few days ago this brat ruined my second biggest asset, other than my brain of course.
(*The Midnight Rose, Mike Check and Damien all start laughing*)
Mike Daughter: I’m serious! Screw you guys! (*runs to her room sobbing*)
The Midnight Rose: Forget it mang. I don wanna love some small tittied pelican anyways. but Eey little mang, if you got the power of the devil, why don you get The Midnight Rose a pelican wit big pineapples for me right now before you (*points a gun at Damien*) say hello to my little friend!
Damien: Okay, I think I can help you out? You want a full-figured woman right?!
The Midnight Rose: Sí! The bigger the better, mang!
[Theme: “The Man In Me” by Goldy Locks]
(*An overweight Dixie Carter arrives in an ice cream van and shuffles over to Mike Check’s front door*)
Dixie: Weelll there sugah, is this the handsome masked man that whats to marry lil’ ole me?
The Midnight Rose: Little?! No Chica! There must be some mistake?!
Dixie: Oh my! Your such a handsome man. Why don’t you take off that luchador mask and give me some sugah, sugah!
The Midnight Rose: No! This pelican looks more like a 500 pound turkey, mang! I tink the “Girl’s A Devil”! Say goodbye to the bad guy! (*runs away*)
Dixie: What are you giggling at sugah? That was my only chance at a man lovin’ lil’ ole me ever since my husband Serge left me. Boo Hoo Hoo. (*gets back into her ice cream truck, scoffs down a couple of Dixie Cups before driving off and chases after the direction of The Midnight Rose*).
Mike Check: …Fascinating.