Devil Is A Loser by Lordi

STAN: So not even me or God knows what your name is, Mike’s Daughter, but what I do know is that this wildcard song of yours will fail just like the other 13 you and your dear ole dad have picked. Yes, some were good, others were weak, but it’s inevitable that you are going to be “looooosers”. So stop stalling and just give me your souls now already. There’s no song known to man that can troll me!

Mike’s Daughter: You’re gonna love…or should I say hate this one STAN. Each year in May one of the guys from…yes, I have to even give him creditwrestlecrapradio.com’s R.V.M Kai, sends us some songs from the Eurovision Song Contest. Not that I want to give out spoilers of what we are going to play or anything but there was a Heavy Metal band, of all things, from Finland that entered in 2006 and shocked everyone by winning with a song called “Hard Rock Hallelujah”…which we will hopefully play next month after we WIN this son…

STAN: Just get to the point! Now you’re rambling like your dad.

Mike’s Daughter: Sorry. My point is ‘Lordi’…

STAN: Stop! Lordi? Are you kidding me? But Scandinavian Heavy Metal bands all worship me! Haven’t you heard the pure evilness of the likes of “Mayhem”, a Black Metal band who like to burn down churches in their spare time? Oh Dammit, that’s who I could have played yesterday?!

Mike’s Daughter: Well it’s too late for that because today’s pick is appropriately titled; “Devil Is A Loser”.

Mike Check: Now that’s sounds like a winner right there here on…”6 Years Of Whackin’!”

STAN: Aggghhhh! They’re right! I am a loser, boo hoo hoo! Okay, you win! That song was no “Highway to Hell” but it did “troll” me good! Who would of thought that a Scandinavian Heavy Metal band who wear demonic costumes could troll me with a song like that?! Okay so your souls, along with “The Mike Check Show”, is yours…but not before I burn down your house!

Mike Check: NOOOOOOOOO!

STAN: Just kidding. Ha Ha, you should have seen your face. But in the words of Stewart Patrick: “I’m leaving now”…

Mike’s Daughter: Hey! Not so fast. You almost forgot about your promise to grant us one wish, remember?

STAN: Oh, very well. What is it?

Mike Daughter: Well hmmm, I don’t know? We still have some financial problems and then there’s the matter of my dad still being under house arrest, so…

Mike Check: Could you get us a copy of that Turtle Ninja Christmas CD that my daughter smashed with a hammer back in December? I think that was the only CD of it’s kind in existence and some feller call Primer Blah needs another copy.

Mike’s Daughter: No! Actually, we don’t need to worry about that anym…

STAN (*quickly interrupts*): Too Late. (*magically makes CD appear in Mike’s hands*) See ya later…oh and worship the devil. Bwhahahaha! (*disappears in a ball of flames*)

Mike’s Daughter: DAD!!! We could have been rich if you just shut…

(*Mike’s Daughter is distracted as their front door is kicked open by current TNA wrestler; Alberto El Patron.*)

Alberto El Patron (*grabs the CD from Mike’s hands*): I kill you Ninja Turtle for touching my wife, perro! (*throws the CD on the ground and shouts “Sí” each time he crushes it with his foot.)

Paige (*enters the house and nervously tries to pull Alberto away*) Alberto, stop it. It’s just a CD. You’re drunk again.

Alberto El Patron (*calms down*): Sí honey, I must have been possess by el Diabolo or sometheeng? Eh…sorry about that amigos. (*he and Paige walk out*)

Mike Check (*dumbfounded*): Fascinating?

Mike’s Daughter: But what the f…?! (*shouts at the ground and shakes her fist*) Stan! You just couldn’t resist one last prank could you! (*sigh*)…Well whatever. At least everything’s finally back to normal.

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Posted on April 30, 2017, in music and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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