Viola Zombie by Michael Daugherty
Zombie Nathaniel: Did you fix your computer problem yet because I want to hear a proper Jeff Hardy TNA theme NOW!–BRAINS!
Mike’s Daughter: Why don’t you just sh…(*stops as she sees a flying drone hovering outside the window*)…What’s that?!
Mike Check: Some kind of flying robot? Oh no!? The Martians are back?!
Mike’s Daughter: (*while walking over to window*) I don’t think so dad…(*opens window and the drone flies inside*)
Zombie Nathaniel: NO NO NO—BRAINS! Kill it–BRAINS! (*tries to swing at the drone with his Zombie claws*)
*A hologram of “Broken” Matt Hardy appears above the drone*
“Broken” Matt Hardy (*speaking via Vanguard One’s Hologram*): Brother Edward Rodham, I knew you’d come….to Meek Check’s humble abode. I am “Broken” Matt Hardy and I just had a premin-ee-tion that you were being a traitorous mule by attempting to terrorize Meek Check into exhibiting one of Brother Nero’s OBSOLETE songs of theme just like you did last week with the playing of tunes of the OBSOLETE Abyss of the Demonic Decay. So I have sent my loyal servant Vanguard One all the way from my compound in Cameron, North Carolina to scramble the signal and render you DEL-EE-TED!
Zombie Nathaniel: Boy Oh boy, Matt Hardy–BRAINS?! I’m a big fan…but I like your brother Jeff Hardy better because he’s The Charismatic Enigma, not “Brother Nero”–BRAINS. And I bet you can’t perform the Swanton like him, can ya, huh, huh–BRAINS?!
“Broken” Matt Hardy: You insult me with your blasphemous ignorance, Brother Edward Rodham! The name that you refer to as ‘Jeff Hardy’ is OBSOLETE and ‘Brother Nero’ is merely an empty vessel when compared to my broken brilliance. I have been blessed, by the seven deities, with magical abilities so powerful that I could not safely perform such a spot monkey maneuver without shattering all of space and time. But one ability that I WILL indulge in is to perform a classical piece on my Stradivarius, that was gifted to me by Antonio Stradivari himself in the 1700’s, and I have procured one such tune that will DEL-EE-TE your dilapidated ass!
Mike Check: Well which one might that be there feller?
“Broken” Matt Hardy: Ahhhhhh Yeeesss, Meek Check. The score that will render this decrepit erection OBSOLETE; is…Michael Daugherty’s “Viola Zombie”.
Mike’s Daughter: Okay, but this better work!
Zombie Nathaniel: Oh boy! My zombie stomach is aching–BRAINS!…But that’s due to 7 minutes of boredom–BRAINS! And…(*Nathaniel vomits a mustard like substance at Vanguard One*)
“Broken” Matt Hardy: Agggghhhhh!? Look what you did to my beloved Vanguard One! Is this vile substance Mustard?! I strongly dislike Mustard! Come, Vanguard One, fly back for cleaning post haste! And you Brother Edward Rodham, you are fortunate that my physical presence is absent inside Meek Check’s abode because I would eat your brains agaeein and agaeein and agaeein and agaeein! But mark my words, I soon will send my caretaker and General in the great war, Senor Benjamin, to prepare the battlefield for burial and then you will be OVAH! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! (*Vanguard One drone flies away*)
Mike Check: Fascinating.
Zombie Nathaniel: So can we play a Jeff hardy theme now–BRAINS?
Mike’s Daughter: Well, (*checks her computer*) I can’t even if I could because the files somehow have been…deleted?!
Zombie Nathaniel: Aaagghhh!! Now I’m getting mad–BRAINS!