All Out Of Bubble Gum by John Carpenter and Alan Howarth
Mike’s Daughter: I know this might be controversial but I’m gonna pull out the Seancetrolla to get the help of a famous friend of Wrestlecrap Radio who might be able to chase away that creep Zombie Nathaniel.
Dixie Carter: Who might that be sugah?
Mike’s Daughter: Oh my God! Why are you still here Dixie?!
Zombie Nathaniel: Show some respect–BRAINS! That is the owner of TNA: Total Non Stop Action Wrestling, Dixie Carter, that you’re talking to–BRAINS!
Mike’s Daughter: Yeah, whatever (*sarcastic cough*). Ah, but as I was saying, I will now summon…”Rowdy” Roddy Piper!
Piper (Piper’s ghost appears wearing sunglasses and holding a shotgun*): I’ve come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I’m all out of Bubble Gum.
Mike Check: Great Mr. Roddy Rowdy. Could you help us get rid of this monster feller?
Zombie Nathaniel: Boy oh boy, I’m your biggest fan Mr. Piper–BRAINS! I loved that shoot promo you cut on Vince Russo back in 2002–BRAINS!! (*looks at Piper’s shotgun*) But speaking of “shoot, “you won’t shoot me will ya, huh–BRAINS!?
Piper: (*Looks over to Nathaniel*) You know, you look like you fell on a cheese dip in 1957, but…you’re okay. (*Turns his attention to Dixie*) But YOU, when I put these glasses on; Formaldehyde face!
Mike’s Daughter: Yeah!…Huh, what?
Dixie: Oh my, sugah? How rude?!…
Piper: You know what you need!? You need a Brazilian plastic surgeon! (*Goes to shoot Dixie but she runs away as Piper runs after her outside. He fails to catch her as he is stalled by various cars on the street trying to run him over.*) IDIOTS IN CARS!!! (*starts shooting at them*) Ha Ha! Never throw stones at a man with a machine gun! (*keeps on shooting*)
Mike’s Daughter (*while looking out the door*): Dixie? Idiots in cars? What the hell? (*sigh*) I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised?