Pistol Packin’ Mama by Al Dexter and His Troopers
*Knock on the door*
Mike Check (*opens door*): Why hello there you pretty filly…what can ole Mike do for you?
“Unknown Woman”: I finally tracked you down. So I just wanted to…(*pulls out a pistol*)
Mike Check: Hey! Why are you pointing that pistol at me there!?
“Unknown Woman”: What? You don’t remember me? You never paid me a dime in alimony, and now you kill my son Harry Dickwell you bastard!
Mike Check: Look there. Any deaths that have occurred around here have all been freak accidents, let me tell you. and I’m very…very…very…very…sorr–
“Unknown Woman”/Dickwell’s Mother: Shut Up! Now I’m gonna shoot you myself, just like I did to that that blonde that you cheated on me with in the 70’s!
Mike Check: Look there you crazy filly. Ole Mike has had to constantly change his name to get away from you. And my memory might not be what it used to be, but I seem to remember we were just a one night fling, so I did not in fact ch–
Dickwell’s Mother: Aghh! Why didn’t you love me Mike?! I would’ve loved you to death, (*about to pull trigger*) which is wh–
RoboCop (*Shows up behind her and interrupts*): DROP THE GUN. DEAD OR ALIVE YOUR COMING WITH ME.
Dickwell’s Mother (*turns around and takes Mike Check hostage*): Damn Robocop! Hey, my son would have taken you out if it wasn’t for this fool Mike Check taking him out first. I despise you stupid robots taking our police jobs all because you go strictly by the rules! Now I’m gonna shoot you!
RoboCop: YOUR MOVE CR-CR-CR-EEP (*Robocop goes a little hay-wire*).
Dickwell’s Mother: (*laughs maniacally*) Yes, it is my move because you know full well that you can’t just shoot me while I’m holding a hostage. You’re a robot. You’re programmed to go by the rules.
RoboCop: (*manages to retain his composure*) MA’AM, (*takes off helmet and puts on a pair of sunglasses*) SOMETIMES THE RULES…CHANGE.
(*Robocop shoots her in the knee-caps, then shoots the gun out of her hand and then handcuffs her*)
Robocop: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR THE THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF A POLICE OFFICER. THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF MIKE CHECK AND–
Mike Check (*interrupts*): Sorry to interrupt but that was some nice shootin’. What’s your name there feller?
RoboCop: IRWIN…Robo C.S Irwin