Dumb Things by Paul Kelly and The Coloured Girls

Mike Check: Well fellers. I apologize for the comments that I made yesterday which seemed to have caused us to be momentarily pulled off the air. Ole Mike’s had a little too much Moonshine…(*phone rings and Mike answers*) Hello, KMCR?

R.V.M Kai: Mike, You’re lucky that I’m giving you another chance!

Mike Check: I’m not sure what you’re saying? You need to speak English feller?

R.V.M Kai: I am speaking English!

Mike’s Daughter: (*overhears*) Oh crap, not the Australian Wrestlecrapradio.com guy now!? (*puts the phone on speaker*) Look, my dad just apologized like you demanded. So what do you want?

R.V.M Kai: What do I want? You’re lucky that you’re even allowed back on the air after “I” talked Suzie Shuffle out of suing us all, that’s what! And you were already on thin ice for what happened that idiot Sheriff! Why you geniuses thought that an exploding wrestling ring was a good idea is beyond me?! And then I’ve got Angry Jim, who’s now pissed at ME for some reason, for Foley booking him on your show and not being paid for his sauce or whatever??? But that’s the crap that I have to deal with, just like last year when you almost caused me a heart attack…sorry, no pun intended…by kidnapping Jim without my knowledge. So poor Raging_Demons had to impersonate Jim, while I fed him lines through an ear piece, just so Premier Blah wouldn’t send Zombie nerds on us. Not that it mattered to me as much because Zombies can’t swim across the Pacific Ocean, I don’t think? But…

Mike Check: Ole Mike’s having a little trouble understanding your accent, but where are you from feller? Hawaii? Did I ever tell…

R.V.M Kai: What? (*sigh*) No. Look, the main reason I let this show continue was the fact that Demons told me that RD Reynolds and Blade Braxton liked the THIS IS YOUR LIFE stuff on Facebook with RD saying that it, quote: “plays well in this market”, unquote. As far as I’m concerned Mike, you’re stupid boring old fart and I’m sick of fixing the “dumb things” that you and your daughter keep screwing up! But…deep down, unlike some people on Twitter, I don’t hate you. But what I do hate is the fact that I, along with Raging_Demons, was assigned by Premier Blah to be your show’s programme director and while we do all the work hard work, it’s your daughter that takes all the credit. Why? Because the one thing she’s good at is kissing your arse! And I’d like to think that this show would be better after your death Mike, but then there’s the fact that’s it’s gonna be taken over by your idiotic daughter, who’s so shifty that she can’t even be referred to by an actual name for some reason?! And to think, with all the money you’ve made you should be a millionaire but you’re not, you’re broke? You wanna know why Mike? It’s bec__se y…

Mike’s Daughter: Kai. Sorry, you’re breaking up?

(*dial tone*)

Mike Check: Who was that feller? Paul Hogan? I wish the phone didn’t cut out because I think that nice feller was about to invite us to have a shrimp on the barbie? Oh well.

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Posted on May 4, 2016, in music and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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