Back Off Boogaloo by Ringo Starr
Foley: Thanks for joining us again for “Mike Check’s This Is Your Life” and I have some good news; ole Mike Check is back with his daughter for our big finale! Thankfully, his heart attack was only mild.
Mike Check: Eh. It’s nothing that ole Mike’s hasn’t been through before Rick.
Mike’s Daughter: Yeah dad’s probably had 50 heart attacks by now, 35 of which involved hookers, and…(*feels sick*) ewwww, I don’t want to talk about the awkward moments of getting him to the hospital…now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in the bathroom hurling.
Foley: Ah? Well? While Mike’s daughter is off to possibly take a “Ringo” and wipe her “Starr”, speaking of that, also re-joining us is…
Ringo (*offended*): Very Funny Mick! Do you know who I am? I’m Ringo bloddy Starr! The biggest Rock n’ Roll legend to ever come from The Beatles! Not John! Not Paul! And forget George! I have not one but TWO plaques in the Hall Of Fame! And Mick, you dog’s bollocks, I should receive the honor of the tribute today or I’ll sue you!
Foley: I’m really starting to see why you hate this guy Mike.
Mike Check: I told you that it was a bad idea to bring this feller on.
Ringo: Silence! Why couldn’t you have just dropped dead Mike?! And (*distracted*)…what’s this John Wayne impersonator doing here?
Angry Jim: F*** YOURSELF! I DON’T KNOW EITHER?!
Foley: Oh sorry, I forgot to mention that good ol’ J.R. has also joined us for the finale and to also morn the loss of his Japanese cousin, Jimichiro Rosshu, who died in a tragic explosion two weeks ago. Oh, and I’m also sorry Jim that I didn’t tell you about that until now.
Angry Jim: F***!? JIMICHIRO WAS HERE AND DIED?! WELL I’M SORRY TOO MICK. SORRY I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO…STOMP A MUD-HOLE IN HIS ***! WHICH IS WHAT I MIGHT DO TO THIS BRITISH ****HEAD RINGO INSTEAD!
Ringo: Do that and I’ll sue you, but I’m told that you’re flat broke, so bugger off!….(*distracted again*) Wait! What’s that?!?!
Angry Jim: BY GAWD! IT’S THE BOOGEYMAN! WHAT’S THE BOOGEYMAN DOIN’ HERE?!
Mike Check: Oh no! I knew the Boogeyman is real and he’s coming to get me!
(*The Boogeyman shuffles over to Mike but turns his attention to Ringo*)
Ringo: “Back Off Boogaloo”! If you put your grubby hands on me I’ll sue you also!
The Boogeyman: Tick Tock, Tick Tock. (*smashes large clock on head*) DAH! BWAHAHAHAHA! I’M THE BOOGEYMAN! AND I’M COMIN’ TO GET YA!
Angry Jim (*doing commentary*): BY GAWD! THE BOOGEYMAN’S SMASHED THAT CLOCK RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD! AND BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP AS THE BOOGEYMAN IS NOW PICKING RINGO UP…AND OHHHH! HE’S GIVEN RINGO THE BOOGEYBOMB! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! HE’S BROKEN IN HALF! …AND NOW THE BOOGEYMAN’S PICKIN’ UP RINGO AGAIN AND NOW MAKIN’ LIKE A TREE AND LEAVIN’ THE BUILDING! I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE?!
Mike’s Daughter: (*walks back into the room*) Sorry, what did I miss?
Foley: The Boogeyman. Well like us, I guess you can say that The Boogeyman knew that Ringo was not a “beatle” but a giant “worm”.
Mike’s Daughter: What Boogeyman??? I didn’t see no…You’re all crazy!
Foley: Ah??? Well on that note, this is Mick Foley signing off and “Have a nice day”!
Mike Check: And see you tomorrow fellers.
Angry Jim: AND GO **** YOURSELVES!
Mike, Mike’s Daughter & Foley: JIIIIMMM!!!