Informer by Snow
Foley: Sheriff Dickwell, I did some sleuthing on Google and came across a 4-part story written by Raging_Demons on Wrestlecrapradio.com (cheap plug) about you finding Mike Check, although I could only find parts one and two?
Dickwell: That’s because an injunction was placed on parts 3 and 4 due to its content being “G1 classified”.
Mike’s Daughter: G1 classified??? Are you ripping off “Rush Hour” references?
Foley (*to Dickwell*): Ah, well at the end of part two it mentioned that you were about to interview our very next guest. So to give us the third part of the story, is the “Informer” from Norman, Oklahoma; is “Good ole…sorry…”Angry” Jim Ross??
Angry Jim: Ah **** yourself! Speaking of “third”, I really wish that Taker threw you off the f****n’ Hell In A Cell a third time!
Foley: Ha Ha Ha, you were always a kidder JR. But anyway, apparently in 2012 the Sheriff arrived at your house and questioned you about Mike’s whereabouts?
Angry Jim:…Yes (*strokes his goatee*) I remember it like it was yesterday; “Fake Deal” and this ****head cop arrived at my house in late September where I was BBQing on my front porch with a shot-gun in hand…
[*Insert dream sequence*]
Angry Jim: F*** yourself cop! I’m not not BBQing naked, I’m not sellin’ Mexican fireworks and my sauce is safe! Why are ya ****ing arresting me again?!
Dickwell: Put down your weapon, we’re just looking for “Mike Check”. We believe he’s here and have a warrant to search your house.
Angry Jim: There’s no ****sucker called “Mike Check” here and haven’t seen him in years! It’s just me, my **** of an employee Hollywood John and my **** wife who’s probably upstairs smokin’ a cigar…and I’m not taking about the Tobacco kind!
Raging Demons: Um Okay, but R.V.M Kai, who works with me on Wrestlecrapradio.com, says that Mike Check sent you an email from the nearby Starbucks and the entire thing was posted in your mailbag column.
Angry Jim: I don’t have time to read all of my **** emails! Most of them are from marks and nerds!
(*They hear a crash coming from the cellar and race downstairs and see Hollywood John cleaning up several broken sauce bottles and bags of coins/cash from the floor*)
Angry Jim: That money is from my BBQ business! I swear!…(*turns to John*) You incompetent ****!
Hollywood John: Sorry Mr Ross. I was just trying to find the spare costume you said after I lost mine.
(*Jim is about to hit John with his training belt but Jim’s wife comes downstairs*)
Jim’s wife: What’s all the commotion down here? Jim, put that belt away…(*sees Dickwell and Raging Demons flirts*) Oh, hello there gentlemen…
Dickwell: Ma’am, maybe you might know the whereabouts of Mike Check; a bearded man in a cowboy hat?
Angry Jim: No, but I bet she knows the whereabouts of Johnny Age?! You’re ****ing him ain’t ya?!
Jim’s wife: No Jim. Uh, sorry Sheriff…oh wait, I saw a man like that this morning outside the Dollar General with some blonde who looked young enough to be his daughter.
Dickwell: Thank you maam, let’s go. (*RD and Dickwell turn to leave*)
Jim’s wife: Wait! Don’t you two handsome boys want to stay a while?
Angry Jim: No! Go **** yourselves! Not my wife!
[*End Dream Sequence*]
Angry Jim: And then I beat the **** outta them. The End. (*Jim then storms out the door and slams it shut*)
Mike Check: Fascinating.
Dickwell: Well, Jim wasn’t much of an “Informer” and that last part never happened…
Foley: Hold that thought, we’ll be back with more on that tomorrow. But now here’s a song by someone who became a butt of a lot of jokes that goes by the name “Snow”…and I’m shocked that his first name isn’t “Al”? Here’s “Informer” RIGHT HERE on Mike Check: This Is Your Life!