Anakin’s Theme by John Williams / Problem Child by AC/DC
Foley: OK our next guest should be coming up shortly–
*Door opens and an unknown person walks in*
???: Excuse me. Whoops didn’t know that there was something going on here. I’ll show myself the way out–Hey aren’t you Mick Foley?!?
Foley: That’s me…right here in Folsom California! *thumbs up, cheap pop*
???: What are you doing here?
Foley: I owe something to this guy here named Mike Check so we are doing a “This Is Your Life” show all about him.
???: Mike Check? Funny I’m here to see him about something.
Mike Check: Hope your not a bill collector there feller.
Jake Lloyd Sr: No not exactly. My name is Jake Lloyd. Last year I kind of had a self-destructive path going on in my life that I decided to go out on a three week binger across the states. I dropped my son somewhere here in Folsom as a tip to some skanky stripper and took off. Unfortunately for me I ended up arrested in Charleston, South Carolina for getting myself in a high-speed car chase.
Mike Check: Jake…Lloyd. Why does that name sound familiar?
Mike Check’s Daughter: I know! That’s the brat Jake Lloyd Jr’s dad! The kid that used your crotch Dad as a kicking bag and ruined a few of my good custom bras! You know how much it costs to get a custom bra? A lot of money Mick! A lot!
Jake Lloyd Sr.: I’m sorry for what my kid did to your home, your bras and *cough* your crotch there sir. My kid has always been a precocious type of child. I was not like that myself at Jake’s age and I was in “Jingle All The Way” instead. After I got myself out of jail I lost custody of my son while he was placed in a new home. I fought long and hard through the courts to get my son back and I just want to say…I’m sorry for what my son did and thank you for taking care of him.
Mike Check: Sorry huh? Here’s what I think about your apology!
Jake Lloyd Sr.: Wait! What are you doing?!?
*Mike Check kicks Jake Lloyd Sr. in the crotch*
Mike Check: That’s for all the times your son kicked me in the family jewels! And here’s for the time your kid spent his time here in my home! *Mike Check kicks Jake Lloyd Sr. in the crotch again* And here’s for that time I was forced to wear that metal bikini! Do you know how much that thing chaffs? *Kicks Jake Lloyd Sr. in the crotch again*
*Jake Lloyd Jr. enters the Mike Check Home*
Jake Lloyd Jr: Daddy I got bored of waiting so I thought I come in and–*Sees Mike Check kicking his dad Jake Lloyd Sr in the crotch repeatedly* What are you weirdos doing to my daddy?!?
Jake Lloyd Sr: (barely speaking): Avenge me my son. The Force is strong within our family. *Jake Lloyd Sr passes out*
Jake Lloyd Jr (crying): I’ll hurt you weirdos for what you did to my daddy! *Jake Lloyd Jr charges at Mike Check but Mick Foley picks him up*
Foley: Easy there kid. I know what Mike Check did to your daddy is not right and all– *Jake Lloyd Jr bites Mick Foley thus forcing to drop him*
Foley: OW! Why I oughta!
Mike Check’s Daughter: Jake Lloyd Jr is a problem child Mick! You can’t control him!
*Jake Lloyd Jr starts throwing random stuff at everybody in the house*
Mike Check: He’s a little holy terror that’s what he is! *ducks*
Foley: *ducks* Wait! Wait! I know John Cena Jake! You want to meet him?
Jake Lloyd Jr (dropping what he was about to throw): You know John Cena? YIPPEE!!! Can I meet him?!?
Foley: Sure. Just let me get my phone rreeaall….ssllloowwllyy and nnoooww–HUGHIE!
*Hughie Foley, Mick Foley’s youngest child comes out, ambushes Jake Lloyd Jr and gives him his own version of The Socko Claw until he passes out*
Foley: Like father, like son!
Mick and Hughie Foley: Bang! Bang!