She’s on Fire by Amy Holland
Foley: Do you recognize this next voice from Florida, by the way of Cuba, Mike?
???: You can stick your head up your toilet and see if it fits mang!
Mike Check: Ehh? Jaun Sanchez from KCZO “The Kazoo 92”? No, wait that was me? So…..
Midnight Rose: (*bursts into the room while the theme from “Scarface” plays*) Say Hello to da Midnight Rose mang! Were you trying to bust my balls you cockroach when you fouled up my business two years ago by setting up a radio trailer in Orlando, Florida? I own da Radio market in Florida mang! So I blew up your trailer because when you fight with me, you fightin’ with da best! So (*whips out his Colt AR-15*) say hello to my little friend….
Mike’s Daughter: (*pleading*) No don’t shoot my dad! Please! It was my dad’s twin brother Chris Check! I’ll do anything! Anything!
Midnight Rose: …(*laughs*) I’m just kidding mang. I ain’t gonna kill this Chico, he’s like a hundred and tree years old? But da Midnight Rose apologizes for destroying your stuff and will pay you back with interest mang.
Mike Check: (*relieved*) Really feller. That’s swell there.
Midnight Rose: I always tell the truth, even when I lie mang.
Foley: Well speaking of the “truth”, I just need to ask as the guy who once wore the mask as “Mankind”, why do you wear one? Do you wrestle?
Midnight Rose: Oh I wrestle with da Pelicans mang. And my mask? Just ask Mike’s daughter, I had to wear it ever since she gave me da scar on my face after eating her prickly pineapple mang. She likes it rough down there, I tell you, she’s just like a big chicken waiting to be plucked mang.
Mike Check: I’m not sure that I understand that particular reference there feller?
Mike’s Daughter: (*nervously*) Err, neither do I?
Midnight Rose: What’s wrong my pelican? You gotta look in your eye like you haven’t been touched in a year? Da next time we meet, I wanna make you my wife.
Mike’s Daughter: Oh please. Even if I were starving on a desert island, that would be the last thing I’d ever want from you.
Midnight Rose: Please my pelican. Your wild like a child and you burn my heart like a fire Chica, like that Amy Holland song.
Mike’s Daughter: I don’t think those are even the words? But anyway, I’ll think about it. But first you’ll have to show us your scar…or are you afraid of revealing your real identity?
Midnight Rose: (*rushes out the door*) Say goodnight to the bad guy mang.
Mike Check: I’m confused? Are we still talking about pineapple?