Concerto No 1 in E Major (Spring) Allegro by Antonio Vivaldi / Canon in D Major by Johann Pachelbel
Foley: Well Mike, you’ll be glad to know that Ringo or Popeye…who now sails on an “alternative” current apparently, are not here today. But today’s guest, who also hails from jolly old England, is one that I hope you actually got along with? Do you recognize this voice?
??? Ooooooohhhhhh! Hello old chap. Do want to hear me recite a story?
Mike Check: Uh, Prince Phillip? That feller can tell some stories, but not the type that you can tell on this here show, let me tell you.
Foley: No, but here’s someone that you knew under the name Pierce Noble, but he’s real name is fan-fiction story-teller, Sir Alec Heineken!
Mike Check: Hello feller, I remember you from the time I was working in London for The BBC and I had the idea of doing a morning gimmick of doing an impersonation of Queen Elizabeth on a show where I was Colin Shepherd, you were Pierce Noble and we were “The Shepherd’s Pie Show”. Now I wanted to do a character because I thought that it would play well in that market. Unfortunately, the British people didn’t like it too much and I was fired on the first day.
Sir Alec: Ohhhh. Yes, making light of Queen Elizabeth’s voice was quite frowned upon in the old days, but now it’s all the rage with the young lads. But I thought your American wit was jolly good Michael, you were as amusing as the actors from the “Carry On” pictures. Well speaking of “carrying on”, I continued on with the programme without you and renamed it “Fan Fiction Theatre with Pierce Noble”. It was probably just as well that I kept my false persona because perhaps I would have never received a knight-hood if the Queen knew that I told this controversial fan-fiction story on the air. Would you like to hear it? It’s titled; “50 shades of Royal Blue”.
Foley: This should be good. Go ahead.
[Note: The following story is “loosely” based on Fan Fiction found here.]
Sir Alec: The Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, arrived at Princess Elizabeth’s Palace on upon hearing news that her father, The King, was on his death bed. During their meeting concerning her future as Queen of England, their eyes met and their attraction had been almost instant. After several hours of talks, the Princess asked him to follow her to her chambers that evening, as she longed for some male company due to her husband, The Prince, being off on official duties. He was reluctant at first, as Royalty was not supposed to invite commoners to their chambers, but he eventually acquiesced.
Later that evening Winston walked up the staircase and knocked on her chamber door. The Princess pulled him into the room and closed the door with haste, lest they got caught in some slanderous behavior. Her thin night gown did nothing to conceal her arousal from his inquisitive eyes and he slid the straps of her gown over her shoulders. His hands caressed her sensitive skin as he kissed her neck and collar bone. “Take me now,” she whispered huskily in his ear, “for I cannot wait any longer. “Oh Elizabeth” he moaned…
Foley: Okay, I think that’s enough. The thought of The Queen and Winston Churchill riding the royal scepter will probably haunt my nightmares for the rest my life.
Sir Alec: Oooohhhh yes, my Apologies. THE END.
[Crowd:] “Aww…we are so proud of you! Way to go! That’s what I’m talking about! Whoo!!!”
Mick Foley: Where did that crowd pop come from?